ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT LOVE IS...I'll tackle the Meaning of Life later. OK, so this is a story of me finding out what my concept of love is. . .and how a movie helped me realize how I felt. It's very interesting to me exactly why I love the film "Holiday" so much. I may have finally twigged to it. Of course, it stars Katharine Hepburn along with Cary Grant. Of course, its superbly directed by George Cukor from a play by Philip "The Philadelphia Story" Barry. Actually, "The Philadelphia Story" resembles "Holiday" more than a little bit but I don't have nearly the same amount of affection for it as I do for "Holiday". No, there's something else going on there that commands my devotion. And here goes. My entire idea of what love is probably stems from this movie. And it's only just now that I realized it. My total concept of what it means to be in love and to be loved by another. How that makes one behave and, perhaps more importantly, how one SHOULD behave. Maybe it's given me an impossibly high concept of what love is but I don't think so. And don't worry. It's not some sappy, romantic view of love because I don't believe in that at all. In fact, it's probably the opposite and actually realistic view. However, it's the way I've always behaved when in love and, frankly, it's the way I expect the person who loves me to behave as well. And that is: if you love someone, you put their comfort, their hopes and desires, their wishes and wants and dreams ahead of your own. It's not hearts and flowers or candlelit dinners; that's for amateurs. It's simply thinking of someone else before oneself. And what could be more basic? This is, in fact, the way I've done it (perhaps to my detriment) but that is, in fact, how it has to be done. If you don't do that, you're not really in love. I hate to break it to you. Now, don't make me out to be some kind of a saint because that's the farthest from the truth. It's a totally selfish thing for me to do; nothing makes me happier than to soothe every hurt, fulfill every wish and support every goal of the one I love. It makes me feel wanted, useful and ultimately loved even more if I can do that. Failure in this makes me feel horrible, useless and dejected. There's no way I want to feel that. So, putting her first is in some strange way the most self-serving act imaginable while, at the same time, being selfless too. The point is that, if you love them, it comes naturally. It's not a hardship or, in fact, a conscious thought at all. You should automatically, instinctively just do it. However, just as importantly, the other person who loves you should be doing the same thing. If not, the love is one-sided and uneven and one of you becomes a doormat. Love only works when both people put the other above themselves; then each lifts the other up and supports them in their dreams and desires. Equally. If this doesn't happen, the love's not mutual and the relationship will fail. That's what happened to me (and probably to most of you at some time or another). And this concept comes across most strongly in the film "Holiday"; coincidentally one of my all-time favorites. For anyone unfortunate enough not to have seen it, "Holiday" tells the story of a man named Johnny Case (Cary Grant) who has been working since he was ten. He's worked his way up the ladder of success by age 30. On vacation, he meets and falls in love with Julia Seton (Doris Nolan) and proposes marriage. Back home, Johnny goes to her address only to find the place is a palatial mansion and his fiancee is filthy comfortable. Julia's father is a stern captain of finance who has crushed all the spirit out of his alcoholic son Ned (Lew Ayres) and is dampening the free spirit of his "black sheep" daughter Linda (Katharine Hepburn). Linda feels the empty pursuits of the idle rich most acutely and retreats to her "playroom": the only human-scaled room in the otherwise museum-like house. Johnny is working on a deal that, if it comes thru, will allow him to retire at 30 and go in search of a life devoted to more than just the mere "piling up of money". He's not lazy by any means (as his self-made status attests) but wants to go in search of life while he's still young enough to enjoy it; then, when he's older, he will go back to work knowing what he's working for. Sadly, Johnny slowly realizes that Julia quite enjoys the mere "piling up of money" and will in no way support Johnny's plans. It quickly becomes obvious that it's Linda Johnny should be marrying and not Julia. The moment of truth comes when Johnny gives in to Julia's wishes and agrees to take a job at her father's bank, remain in the rat race and postpone his plans to retire for a few years (with the understanding that in two years, if he still feels the same, he will quit and not have any arguments because he gave it a try). Now, this is the correct thing for Johnny to do since he's putting Julia's wishes before his own. However, it soon becomes glaring obvious that Julia has no intention of allowing him to quit even after giving her wishes for a "financially-minded Johnny" a go. This is where Julia reveals herself to be unworthy of Johnny as well as showing her lack of real love for him. Now, this is no "subservient woman" thing; the man is expected to give her wishes top priority just as she is expected to support his wishes. Very few people would call Katharine Hepburn a subservient woman. Linda makes several comments lamenting what kind of a woman would not stand with her husband in his beliefs. If she was Johnny's wife, Linda says, and he decided to come back and grow peanuts. . . .How she would believe in those peanuts! Indeed, and what kind of a man would not support his wife in the same instance. Johnny was willing to support Julia's beliefs and throw away his convictions by going into finance; Julia merely gets her way and would never dream of supporting Johnny if he tried her way and failed. This concept of love is what I truly believe and expect. It's not starry eyed but practical. Both people thinking first of the other; lifting the other up to new heights. The result is a couple rising together; no one person being the giver or taker but both giving and taking equally. If you're not willing to do that. . .no, in fact, if you don't automatically put the other person first without even a conscious thought, when it really matters. . . .well, I hate to break it to you but you ain't really in love and it ain't gonna work. Take it from one who's been there. And take a look at "Holiday" for a glimpse of how someone arrives at this realization. I think it'll be a little enlightening as well as being one hell of an enjoyable movie.