THE FIVE SONGS: THIRD INSTANCE. Well, I'm back with another five songs to end the week. This time (and for the first time) I'm the one who actually came up with the "theme" for the songs and they're probably in honour of Finkmaster Flash who turned a big quarter century a couple days ago. So, in that spirit I've decided to group together five songs about drums and drumming.

1. DOCTOR WORM by THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS. At first you might be thinking "what's that got to do with drumming" but our dear Dr. Worm (who is an actual worm) has decided to take up the drums. Here's the lyric: "I like to play the drums/I think I'm getting good/But I can handle criticism/I'll show you what I know/And you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums/I'll leave the front unlocked 'cause I can't hear the doorbell." Well, that's alright, Wormy -- unless of course you're cookin' chicken wings and forget about 'em!

2. BANG THE DRUM ALL DAY by TODD RUNDGREN. Who among us has not sung (or sympathized with) this song? "I don't wanna work/I want to bang on the drum all day."??? I for one "want to bang that sucker" too. So, I'm calling out Monday!

3. THE DRUM by BONGWATER. "Get in line, keep in time with the Drum and don't forget you're nothing yet but bongwater." Actually a Slapp Happy tune recorded in 1973 but re-recorded by Ann Magnusson and her hubby as the duo Bongwater. And with a slight lyric change from "and don't forget you're nothing yet but water" as the original lyric goes. What the hell's this song really about. I don't know. But I get the distinct impression of a school football game somewhere in the vicinity. "We watched a distant drummer flashing/on the beat in all his parrot fashions/Get in line keep in time with the Drum/Don't move your feet until the next beat comes/One of the laws says pause between/Though I would hate to make the game seem mean/Hey my pretty flower can you guess where I've been?/Can you guess at all?/Well I've been to your rooms and learned/you have all the mirrors turned against the wall." Bongwater always had the most INTERESTING choice of covers, didn't they???

4. JOHN PLAYS DRUMS by JANDEK. And John, presumably. If you don't know anything about Jandek (and why don't you when I have the Jandek link right over there on the right) and you have never seen the enticing documentary "JANDEK ON CORWOOD" (and shame on you if you haven't) I have to explain that Jandek made album after album of just him, by himself, singing and playing the guitar on song after song -- album after album -- for years. All alone. Sociopathically so -- or at least that's how the song's sounded. And suddenly one day A SECOND MUSICIAN is heard on one of his songs. It's somebody playing the drums. You jump up and look at the back of the album at the song list and -- sure as shootin' -- the song's entitled "John Plays Drums". Jandek is very literal sometimes. The same thing happened more famously when a new vocalist suddenly appeared on a song called "Nancy Sings". John plays the drums with wild abandon as Jandek strums his guitar absently and sings. . .wait for it. . . . . . . .the same lyrics as "Nancy Sings". Indecipherable, that's our old pal the representative from Corwood Industries.

5. THE DRUMMER AND THE COOK by HARRY BELAFONTE. This is an old old song. So old that it's one of the 45's I played at my grandparents' house as a wee little 'un. I played the 45's on one of those old 50's era record players which ONLY played 45's and which closed up like a suitcase the size of a bowling ball bag. It was green and cream coloured with a cloth cover over the speaker on the front. The needle MUST have been a knitting needle because all those 45's are scratched to perdition by now. And I still have the thing. The song itself was a treat and I loved it as a kid. It's a story song: "Oh, there was a little drummer and he loved a one-eyed cook/he loved her Oh/he loved her though/she had a cockeyed look/with her one eye on the pot/and the t'other up the chimney with a bow wow wow/Fa la la la la la dee dee bow wow wow." You know, it was one of those kinds of songs which naturally appealed to kids. But after all these years, I'm still not sure what's going on in THIS song EITHER. "When they went to church to say I will/the drummer got a knock/her one eye killed the parson/and the other stopped the clock." What the hell does THAT mean?!?!? Actually, research has revealed that Belafonte (or more probably the record company) sanitized the song a little since the original version of the folk song collected in 1908 seems to be a murder ballad. Ah well. The song's STILL fun. As I listen to this song (or ANY of those songs on those long ago 45's) I am instantly transported back to the enclosed porch on Westfield Avenue. And that's a really REALLY good thing!

So those are my five songs revolving around the drum. And yes, I'm well aware that I left off some songs such as "Different Drum" and the like. But these five are the drum songs I chose for the five songs this time around. Remember, if you find you have a suggestion (the more imaginative the better), leave your suggestion in the comment section and who knows -- I may choose YOUR theme for the NEXT five songs. Until then, keep the music playing.