THE SUCKLING [1990]

 O.M.M-in' F-in' G!!! Seriously, with this movie!?!?!?!?!?!

One of the most bonkers bananas batshit things I've ever seen! Pretty much every reviewer for this movie has the same reaction so I won't bore you with a very detailed synopsis (any of the other reviews will give you a better one than I). Suffice it to say that a young woman and her useless boyfriend goes to the local backwoods whorehouse to see about getting her an abortion. Since it's 1990 and there's no indication this is a period piece, the reason for doing this instead of going to any accredited clinic or family planning center escapes me. But apparently that's how it's done in this universe and Big Mama runs the whores AND the abortions; at one point she actually hangs up her white lab coat with a wire hanger that has bloody gore hanging from the hanger hook! Naturally, the pregnant woman is slipped a mickey and while she's out cold, they abort the fetus and flush it down the old crapper! And again naturally, the toxic waste in the sewers creates a murderous fetus monster with long teeth like the creature in Kate Bush's EXPERIMENT IV video!

After that, things then take a turn for the wacky!!! Yep, you heard me right: AFTER THAT! 

 Everybody in the whorehouse gets trapped inside apparently by having the doors and windows sealed by gigantic uterus walls. Pretty much everyone in the house is a taco short of a combination plate anyway and things go from mayhem to mayhem. Unfortunately, the film sags majorly in the middle (particularly in the overlong and rather dull basement sequence).  However, things become insanely nonsensical for the big finish and, if ANY of this madness sounds intriguing to you, then you MUST give THE SUCKLING a watch. Particularly in the beautiful Vinegar Syndrome blu ray which, I'm sure, is the best the film has ever looked. MUCH funnier and not as horrifying as the Hugh Grant "comedy" NINE MONTHS! Francis Teri directed this and nothing else.  I can't think why?  THE SUCKLING obviously doesn't take it self seriously and is trying for the most ridiculous horror film of all time; and it's not far off!  This one's a keeper!