THE BODY BENEATH [1970]

 SEXUALLY RAMPANT GHOULS, DEPRAVED SOULS . . . AND BLOOD RED ROSES! 

I can't say I recall see any of those things . . . including the roses . . . in THE BODY BENEATH; however, watching an Andy Milligan movie can result in catatonia so I may have missed them.  Dipping into the box set of THE DUNGEON OF ANDY MILLIGAN, I plucked out this movie because I think I read somewhere some interesting comments about it that made me want to check it out.    And I have to tell you . . . as Andy Milligan movies go, this one was probably the best I've seen so far!  Please don't take that as a ringing endorsement.  I'm a weirdo.  But THE BODY BENEATH was strangely hypnotic and, while it's still woefully shot and unbearable uneventful, I still found it strangely watchable.

There's an ancient vampire family named Ford (now that sounds like an ancient vampire family name, don't it?) who have been around since around the year 98 or something like that in Highgate Cemetery (which is a helluva trick since Highgate Cemetery has only been around since 1839).  The apparently elected patriarch of the family (this is an Andy Milligan movie so there will be a lot of "apparently's" in referring to this confused script) named Reverand Alexander Algernon Ford moves into Carfax Abbey (now where have I heard THAT name before???) in order to . . . . uh, get an infusion of new blood into the family by tracking down modern-day members of the Ford family who are NOT vampires but ARE pregnant. . . . but not really because some of the Ford descendants are men . . . . and the women who are kidnapped in order to use as breeding stock for future Ford vampires are very quickly killed for no reason I can see since they were supposed to be used for breeding and then . . . . . aren't.  As I said, this is an Andy Milligan movie so don't sweat the details ESPECIALLY where plot is concerned.

The acting is typically bad but not nearly so bad as in something like Milligan's GURU THE MAD MONK.  Here we have some actors who appear to be actually giving a performance and that makes all the difference towards watchability.  I found myself actually interested in this weird movie where Milligan's usual incompetence isn't as pronounced and it somehow kept my interest all the way through.  Particularly wonderful is Gavin Reed as the spectacularly over-the-top, petulant and illogical Rev. Alexander Algernon Ford.  If for no other reason, watch THE BODY BENEATH for Gavin Reed alone.  Rev. Ford is the ficklest vampire you're likely to see; he lectures his kidnapped Ford about how valuable she is to breed a new race of Ford vampires . . .and shortly thereafter tells his underlings to kill her because she's no use to him anymore.  The fangy rev crucifies his hunchbacked lackey Spool by nailing spikes through his hands and then apologizes that, even though he possesses no soul, he feels some sympathy for him.  The aforementioned Spool (played by Berwick Kaler) is also a hoot; a few scenes his performance causes himself and others to struggle to keep a straight face.  

THE BODY BENEATH is such a languorous, hallucinatory, contradictory, dull yet fascinating artifact that I kinda loved it in some perverse way.  Several scenes are lifted directly from Bram Stoker's novel DRACULA including three "brides" who here have blue skin and are dressed each in a different color dress as if they are some sort of vampiric Flora, Fauna and Merryweather.  The aforementioned Carfax Abbey is blatantly lifted from DRACULA.  The end of the film climaxes with a psychedelically-trippy vampire PTA meeting/Satanic bacchanal which is equal parts Roger Corman's THE TRIP and C-SPAN 2.  The really surprising thing is that the end of the film is not a letdown; it's an excellent wrap up to a bizarre movie.