BOG {1979}

 "JUST GOTTA CATCH HIM BEFORE HE INFUSES HER!" 

Now "BOG" is an easy target.  Our friendly neighbourhood wiki page notes how Leonard Maltin rated it a 'bomb' while John Kenneth Muir said "They don't make movies like BOG anymore and we can all be grateful for that."  And yes, BOG is a terrible movie poorly directed and acted (even by those old pro's in the film who give it the old college try but are stymied by the inept direction of Don Keeslar (whose only other credit is a 1982 Grizzly Adams flick long after the heyday of THAT show).  As I've said a million times, I try to look on the positive side of everything I review but yes, sadly, Don Keeslar isn't much of a director.  I'm sure he was kind to his mother but filmmaking just wasn't his thing.  Having said that, my life would be all the poorer without the existence of BOG!  Another of those films annoyingly referred to as 'so-bad-it's-good', BOG was, to me anyway, immensely entertaining.  No money was spent on it, practically no talent was utilized on it but nevertheless BOG kept me watching through it's (ridiculously long) 90 minute running time and I just had a hell of a good time with it.  

Dopey redneck goes fishing in 'Bog Lake' (naturally) by throwing sticks of dynamite into the water.  This apparently 'wakes up' some sort of 'bog creature' that was lying dormant.  Or something.  Anyway, dopey redneck is attacked and exsanguinated by the monster.  Next, two hilariously-bickering couples turn up at the lake on a fishing trip.  They find dopey redneck's boat abandoned on the shore of the lake and, without much concern about why an abandoned boat filled with fishing gear is just . . . there . . . decide to use it to go fishing.  (What were they going to do to go fishing BEFORE they find this boat?  Whistle and hope the fish would jump up on shore???).  Naturally the Bud-drinking husbands wander off and leave their wives to get killed by the Bog Creature.  This is a shame because the wives were much more fun and interesting characters and the husbands don't bring anything else to the rest of the movie other than to demand the local sheriff do something about it. 

The Sheriff brings in the local 'sawbones' and the local 'biologist' who discover that some creature apparently inserted a spine/stinger (made of a strange combination of animal and mineral) down the throat and straight to the aorta of the victim and drained all their blood.  SIDEBAR:  it seems that most descriptions of this movie state that the bog monster only attacks women.  This is plainly not true as several victims (including the dopey redneck) happen to be male.  It's not like the Bog Creature sees a man and says "no thanks, bud, I'll wait for the next female to come along".  When the monster is hungry, he doesn't care what sex you are before he makes you into his personal sippy cup.  

The movie goes on its way in much the manner you'd think with the monster picking off victims and the townspeople trying to stop it. There's some talk about the bog creature being some sort of prehistoric beast that was trapped in the lake by the creeping glaciers of the last ice age.  There's an old witch named Adrianna living deep in the bog/forest who is not harmed by the monster because she had her blood somehow 'enfused' with the bog creature's blood.  Or something.  None of this really matters much because who's looking for logical explanations in a movie like this.  If you're going into a movie like this expecting anything other than a 'lunchtime production*', you're kinda dopier than that redneck in the boat throwing dynamite.  We know it's gonna be inept trash but is it fun trash?  Yes, it is.  The 1970's look and feel is almost palpable and makes BOG seem like it was made waaaaaaaaay before 1979.  The ridiculous $1.98 bog creature costume is (wisely) kept in the shadows until the very end of the film and, even then, we aren't given that clear a look at the thing. 

The cast is people by unknowns who probably aren't even professional actors except for the inclusion of the quartet of old pros who make the whole movie worthwhile.  Kesslar (or whomever cast the film) went to the trouble of getting 4 old times who, no doubt were pretty hard up by this time, but still give it their all AS IF they were in an real movie.  Our biologist Ginny is played by former MGM star/singer Gloria DeHaven (from MGM musicals such as SUMMER STOCK and my favourite THREE LITTLE WORDS in which she actually plays her mother Mrs. Carter DeHaven and sings "Who's Sorry Now").  The town doctor Brad Wednesday (!) is played by veteran monster-fighter Marshall Thompson (IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE and FIEND WITHOUT A FACE).  Thompson's inclusion in the cast is a nice easter egg to us monster fans.  The exasperated Sheriff Neal is played by hunk of beef Aldo Ray (looking semi-unwell and taking pretty much anything he could get by this point in his career). 

And popping up only around the final reel is granite-faced Leo Gordon (in everything from RIOT IN CELL BLOCK 11 and Hitchcock's second THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH to Corman's THE RAVEN and THE HAUNTED PALACE).  All 4 of these veteran actors play it completely straight without making themselves look bad; it's only the inept directing and editing which usually lingers long after the scene should've been cut which looks bad.  A tiny little spoiler here:  the old witch/hag Adrianna is actually played by Gloria DeHaven under heavy old-age makeup which is actually pretty good.  Oh, but there's that cringiest of cringe-inducing love scene between Thompson and DeHaven which is absolutely the most seat-squirming, uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life.  Why oh why did Keeslar keep that scene in the picture?!?!?!  That is definitely a scene that could be cut from the film's overlong 90 minutes!!!  So anyway, that's BOG and I had a rip-roaring good time with it!