THE MUNSTERS {2022}

 THE MOVIE WHICH CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED ME MORE THAN ANY OTHER MOVIE SEEN THIS YEAR! 

I'm sure by now everybody knows about this one.  Absolutely lambasted by just about everyone, Rob Zombie's movie take on the 1960's TV series is hated by most and loved by (much fewer) others.  There's something schizophrenic, Jekyll/Hyde-like about the whole concept of Rob Zombie making a MUNSTERS movie.  I mean, the very idea of it sounds like a really stupid, bad idea.  At the same time, it sounds like an incredibly cool idea.  And this strange Push-Me Pull-Yu character infuses the whole movie itself.  Much like the TV show itself, the movie Rob Zombie has given us looks absolutely fantastic but lacks something in the script department.  Growing up watching reruns, I always much preferred THE ADDAMS FAMILY TV show to THE MUNSTERS; The Addamses were nicely twisted and warped and the scripts were witty and quite dark whereas the Munsterses had gorgeous production values but the scripts were saccharine and rather dull without any dark, sharp edges at all.  THE ADDAMS FAMILY had the pizzazz of Edward Gorey while THE MUNSTERS had the pizzazz of Dwight Eisenhower.  While visiting the Munsters, no harm would come to you.  While visiting the Addams Family, you might end up maimed at the very least.  But that's the TV shows and that's really not the issue here.

Rob Zombie's PG-rated THE MUNSTERS (that fact alone still boggles my mind) is not meant to be anything like THE LORDS OF SALEM or THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.  It's meant to be a cinematic retelling of a cuddly 60's monster comedy TV show.  And Rob Zombie gets that aspect extremely right.  The same 'feel' of the TV series is captured here and that's probably not very easy to do here in the 21st century where everything has a acid edge and an ironic eyebrow.  The Munsters in the film are just as naive and innocent as they were in the TV show.  Rob Zombie also wrote the script and he has a lot of damn fine ideas.  The movie is something of a prequel in that it begins before Herman is even born . . . er assembled . . . .and Lily is going on blind dates with Count Orlok from NOSFERATU.  Mad scientist Dr. Wolfgang sends his hunchback servant Floop out to get him a brain for his monster and Floop, of course, accidentally steals the brain of a recently-deceased horribly-bad stand-up comic.  This is a funny twist on the 'wrong brain' sequence in the original FRANKENSTEIN and gives a great reason why Herman Munster is constantly telling bad jokes. 

The origin of Spot is provided as Herman & Lily honeymoon in Paris and see headlines about a sea monster loose in the sewers of Paris.  They quickly track down the creature (about the size of a great Dane) and adopt him as their pet.  I love all these ideas.  Of course, the trope of the Munsters being evicted from their Transylvanian castle is an old one (remember LOVE AT FIRST BITE, anyone?) but something had to be done to get the Munsters from Transylvania to the good ole U.S.A.  The cast of Jeff Daniel Phillips (Herman), Sheri Moon Zombie (Lily) and Daniel Roebuck (Granpa) also are putting their all into their performances; going so far as to portray the mannerisms and styles of their predecessors Fred Gwynne, Yvonne DeCarlo and Al Lewis.  Special mention also goes to Sylvester McCoy as the pre-bat Igor who gives his rather small role extra value.  And Richard Brake gives an hilarious performance as Count Orlok/Nosferatu as well as a fine job as Dr. Wolfgang.  The cast is also peppered with many beloved genre actors like Catherine Schell, Dee Wallace, Jorge Garcia, Cassandra Peterson -- and even cameos from former Munsters Butch Patrick and Pat Priest!  Then we come to the real MVP's of the movie:  Cinematographer Zoran Popovic, Art Director Hedvig Kiraly, Set Designer Zsuzsa Mihalek and Costume Designer Godena-Juhasz Attila.  This quarter of geniuses have given us one of the most stunningly beautiful films to watch!  Every shot, every set and every costume is staggeringly gorgeous!  I mean, SERIOUSLY stunning!  All this makes for what should've been a slam dunk of a great movie.  However.

Where the movie falls down flat is in its script.  In particular, the dialogue.  Which should be funny but painfully isn't.  Zombie's plot and story ideas are pretty solid but he really REALLY needed to get in a comedy writer to provide some good jokes and funny dialogue.  Or even halfway decent dialogue.  This movie is crying out for laughs and there just aren't any.  The lines are just painfully unfunny and not in a good way either i.e. so bad it's good.  No, the lines are just bland and dead and they just lay there.  The cast is giving it their all but there's just nothing there to hang their performances on.  Even the deliberately lame jokes Herman tells, which we've all heard a million times before (i.e. 'A horse goes into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?") have more oomph than any of the dialogue does.  It's actually a crying shame because, with even halfway funny dialogue, THE MUNSTERS would be a must watch every Halloween.  But as it is, I can only think that it would be enjoyed immensely by eight year olds.  They would probably find it very entertaining . . . .and that's OK, I guess.  But the rest of us are looking at an opportunity squandered.  One gets the feeling that Rob and his cast & crew were having much more fun than the viewer will have watching the film.  But even with this seemingly insurmountable fatal flaw, I would still recommend all horror fans give the film a watch.  It's just too beautiful-looking to miss.  Maybe just watch it with the sound off. . . .