THE UNINVITED [2009]

WOW, COULD THERE BE A BIGGER EXAMPLE OF TIRED, HACKNEYED, HOLLYWOOD HORROR CLICHES IN A MOVIE COMBINED WITH HAM-FISTED, BY-THE-NUMBERS DIRECTION AND MICKEY MOUSED MUSIC????

 The direction here is so uninvolving that there isn't a single moment of suspense or, in fact, emotional involvement with any character or event in the film.  Lead Emily Browning is simply not skilled enough (at least in 2009) to handle the role that's required of her.  Of course, this isn't a slam on her because there's precious little in the script for any actor to sink their teeth into -- but an exceptional actor could've brought more to the part than was on the page . . . which ain't much.  I mean, fine actor David Strathairn's competent but 'nothing special' performance in pretty much a nothing role shows him trying to bring it to life.  The 21st century Hollywood horror movie cliches are so thick on the ground in this movie that every 'dramatic' beat is obvious before it happens and is often telegraphed by inept direction.  Christopher Young's score is working overtime trying to Mickey Mouse every event that happens with over-emphatic music because, once again, the direction is so unskilled that the viewer has no reaction to anything happening on screen.  I'm usually not this negative about reviewing a movie -- I try to look at the good aspects of a film without dwelling on the bad -- but this movie just pissed me off.  A decent, ghostly movie could've been made here from the starting point of A TALE OF TWO SISTERS but this lazy cash-grab isn't it!  

OK, so you need look no further than the "making of" interviews with the filmmakers to discover why this movie (a "remake" of the Korean TALE OF TWO SISTERS in practically no way at all) was doomed from the start.  The first dumb comment by co-director Thomas Guard is "We always felt making it that, really, i was a tragedy disguised as a horror film."  No, it's supposed to be a horror film.  If you're embarrassed about making a horror film, why are you attempting to make one?  This is probably one of the most egregious sins of 21st century Hollywood horror movies:  let's make a horror movie for the box office and then sabotage it by making it not the least bit scary and more like a soap opera.  This pathetic attitude is plain when watching THE UNINVITED because of the Guard brothers' total lack of any sort of talent for making a horror film.  The next stupid comment follows almost immediately when the co-producer Walter F. Parkes states:  "I actually acquired it without having seen the movie (A TALE OF TWO SISTERS), based just on the strength of the concept of two siblings like this."  Seriously?!?!  Parkes is practically admitting it was a cash grab to take a popular Korean horror film and crank out an American 'remake' for the bucks.  The next comment by co-director Charles Guard is almost draw-dropping in it's 'wrongness':  "The thing that we always dislike about these types of films (italics mine) is they often take you to quite a dark place.  The thing that was wonderful about this was it really was the opposite."  I don't know where to start unpacking this dopey statement. 

The co-director of this 'horror movie' is saying he dislikes horror movies because they take you to a 'dark place'.  Um, that's kinda the definition of a horror movie, isn't it?  Why did anyone let these guys anywhere near the director's chair for a horror movie?!?!?!  And he likes this project because it's the opposite of a horror movie.  What?!?!?  I thought you were supposed to make a horror movie.  Guard continues:  "It actually was very emotional and moving."  Sadly, no emotion features in the completed film.  Co-producer (and Parkes' wife) Laurie Macdonald digs a deeper hole by saying:  "But the Korean version was much more ambiguous and was, in fact, a very hard plot to follow."  So, the producers didn't even know what they were trying to 'remake'; Macdonald didn't understand A TALE OF TWO SISTERS (Ooooo, my brain huuuuuuuuuuurts!  Thinking is baaaaaaaaaaaad) and Parkes never even bothered to watch it before throwing money at the remake rights.  Wait there's more.  Charles Guard continues:  "When we first read the script, we hadn't seen the original film, so when we then watched the film we were very excited that the scripted American remake was very different."  Is one of the prerequisites for making a Hollywood remake of a film is that everyone involved should not have seen the original film?!?  So, there's more stupid comments by the directors and producers but frankly I'm getting tired of talking about this lousy movie and you're probably even more tired of reading about it.  The takeaway for me is that the two brother directors and the husband and wife producers and the three writers (not including the 4th Kim Jee-woon whose original script was changed and dumbed down so much I'm surprised they gave him a writing credit here) have no love or appreciation for the horror genre and are, in fact, embarrassed by it but decided to remake/destroy a popular Korean actual horror movie in order to hopefully hoodwink the horror fans into spending money to see it while at the same time giving themselves deniability that it's a horror movie but actually some kind of meaningful family drama.  Which it's not.  Not because the original Korean film didn't have finely drawn characters and emotional scriptwriting but because the American rehash doesn't owing to the incompetence of THE UNINVITED's creators.  So there!  

OK, so to the good points . . . . Elizabeth Banks' acting was great.  Yeah, that's all I've got.