STRAYS [1991]

 "THEY SAY CATS HAVE NINE LIVES.  WILL ONE OF THEM BE YOURS?"

  Now, THAT'S a great tagline!  Especially for an early 90's made-for-TV killer cat movie!  Written and produced by Shaun Cassidy.  Yes, THAT Shaun Cassidy.  Da Doo Ron Ron and all that.  And you know what?  Can this be the best thing he ever did???  Well, that's a possibility since I actually quite liked this. 

Now, cats are not scary.  I don't care how you try to make them scary, if they're just normal cats they're cute and cuddly and lovable.  They ain't scary.  Unless you have them turn into some mutant colossal tentacled monster cat . . . but then they're NOT still a cat, are they.  No, because cats ain't scary.  So when you get films like THE UNCANNY which try their damnedest to make cats scary, you kinda haveta give the filmmakers a break because, as you may recall from a few sentences ago -- cats aren't scary.  So any "killer cat" film is going into a serious uphill battle and I usually cut them some slack because they're trying to make a scary cat film when . . . wait for it . . . . cats ain't scary!  Having said all that (and I'll bet you're glad I've stopped saying that), STRAYS probably works out as the most effective 'killer cat' movie using normal cats that I've seen.  

Lindsey and Paul Jarrett (Kathleen Quinlan and ugh Timothy Busfield) buy an old house and move in with their 3 year old daughter Tessa (Heather & Jessica Lilly).  The movie's for sale because, in the film's cold open, an old lady who lived there and fed and cared for a multitude of cats died.  She was killed apparently by killer cats.  Which makes no sense because she loved cats and fed them etc.  But apparently the cats were led astray (HA!) by this one evil-looking cat.  Sadly, this evil cat has no name in the film and consequently no opportunity for an action figure.  I have to give it to this movie; the growly sound effect they give to this cat is low and full of bass and actually really effective.  They also muss up the cats fur so that it looks like that cat from PET SEMATARY.  Besides that, this cat seems to be a hell of an actor. 

I mean, just look at that face!  All in all, a surprisingly good effort.  The rest of the dozens and dozens of housecats look like housecats.  However, we are somehow convinced that they are all 'under the control' of the evil leader cat.  They actually manage to pull off the threat factor.  It looks like we can give credit for that to director John McPherson; mostly known as a cinematographer but sometime director as well.  McPherson manages to keep things moving despite having to deal with A LOT of non-killer-cat scenes involving side plots such as Lindsey's strumpet of a sister Claire

(Claudia Christian) putting the moves on Paul (despite the fact that he's her divorce lawyer AND her sister's husband AND ginger!!!).  The plot, such as it is, doesn't make a lot of sense.  The cats killed the previous owner because they did.  And the cats start attacking the Jarrett family because they do.  No explanation or cause if given but that's not always a bad thing.  Like Hitchcock's THE BIRDS (which STRAYS is in NO WAY comparable to in quality), it just is.  The stuff the cats manage to do, while completely bonkers and ridiculous, somehow are filmed in a credible way so that suspension of disbelief is all you need to believe a cat can undo a ceiling vent or claw through a solid door.  They do and the viewer (at least THIS viewer) was OK with it.  Also, when the evil leader cat pees all over every item of  Timothy Busfield's clothing, I practically cheered.  OK, so I'm on the cats' side!  But who isn't?  In another particularly awesome scene, Lindsey goes to check on Tessa (who sleeps in a crib still despite looking like she's 5 years old) and she sees about a dozen cats all piled on top of the crib looking like they're smothering the little brat. 

That was a definitely effective 'whoa' moment!  There are just enough of these unexpectedly great moments to elevate a film which one rightly expects not much of into a pretty OK horror flick.  Kathleen Quinlan is always good and Timothy Busfield is actually not horribly obnoxious (as is usually his wont) in this.  Sadly the Lilly twins are holding the torch for the typical child actor by being saccharine and non-actory.  I was hoping she/they/Tessa would be eaten by a cat but sadly no such luck. 

Despite the absence of a kitty child buffet, STRAYS is actually very watchable and entertaining.  It's all Cameron Chaney's fault that I ended up watching this but he warns (in his video) that this is not a good movie but he loves it's cheesiness anyway.  I'll have to admit that it's not as bad as he intimates and that, yes, it's actually a really good time!  Surprised the hell outta me!