THE PENGUIN AWARDS THAT NEVER WERE . . . ARE. At last the results of our 20th anniversary celebration of the Penguin Awards. With much soulful agonizing and several monetary bribes, I have finally awarded Penguin Awards for the 1980s. If you're just stumbling by or have been incredibly unobservant, the nominees for each year of the 1980s are down below. However, it's not fair to those talented artists who are holding their breaths and postponing concert tours so that they may see whether or not they have won the coveted Penguin Awards. So here they are -- in yearly disorder -- the Penguin Award winners for the 1980s:

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1989

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

WHAT IT TAKES - Aerosmith

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

MEGATOP PHOENIX - Big Audio Dynamite

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR:

NOTHING COMPARES 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

DUET OF THE YEAR:

KID FEARS - Indigo Girls & Michael Stipe

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1988

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

STAY AWAKE - Various Artists

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR:

BLUE SHADOWS ON THE TRAIL - Syd Straw

DUET OF THE YEAR:

TONIGHT/LET'S DANCE (LIVE) - Tina Turner & David Bowie

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1987

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

4TH OF JULY - X

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

RAINDANCING - Alison Moyet

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR: HAZY SHADE OF WINTER - The Bangles

DUET OF THE YEAR:

SUMMERTIME - Barry Manilow & Diane Schuur

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1986

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

I WANT TOMORROW - Enya

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

SO - PETER GABRIEL

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THE BRIDGE - Billy Joel {It's A Tie!}

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR: SUSPICIOUS MINDS - Fine Young Cannibals

DUET OF THE YEAR: CODE OF SILENCE - Billy Joel & Cyndi Lauper

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1985

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

GOODBYE - Night Ranger

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

HOUNDS OF LOVE - Kate Bush

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR: DANCING IN THE STREET - Mick Jagger & David Bowie

DUET OF THE YEAR:

WRAP HER UP (EXTENDED MIX) - Elton John & George Michael

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1984

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

JAM ON IT - Newcleus

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

2:00 AM PARADISE CAFE - Barry Manilow

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR:

YOUNG BOY BLUES - The Honeydrippers

DUET OF THE YEAR:

BLUE - Barry Manilow & Sarah Vaughan

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1983

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

I'M STILL STANDING - Elton John

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

WAITING - Fun Boy Three

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR:

YOUNG AT HEART - Wild Man Fischer

DUET OF THE YEAR:

WHITE LINES (DON'T DO IT) - Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel

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1982

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

WISH YOU WERE HERE - Fleetwood Mac

ALBUM OF THE YEAR: TIME AND TIDE - Split Enz

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR:

HAPPY TRAILS - Van Halen

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1981

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

GHOST TOWN - The Specials

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

MOVING PICTURES - Rush

COVER SONG OF THE YEAR: THE SEA NAMED SOLARIS - Tomita

DUET OF THE YEAR:

UNDER PRESSURE - Queen & David Bowie

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1980

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SONG OF THE YEAR:

REDEMPTION SONG - Bob Marley & the Wailers

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

THE TURN OF A FRIENDLY CARD - The Alan Parsons Project