THE ESSENTIALS WITH ROBERT OSBORNE & RICKSTER. Actually, in my capacity as Pope Hilarius II I have been invited to cohost TCM's recurring program called THE ESSENTIALS in which Robert Osborne and myself choose those movies which we feel are "essential viewing". My movie choices will air after the current series cohosted by Rose McGowan finishes up. I hear that Ole Robbie saw my recent blog entries on my favourite 100 films and got the idea of having a major religious icon like myself pick some essential movies. Obviously it was a ratings booster for sweeps week! After all, my gams are ten TIMES better than Rose's! While the list won't necessarily coincide with my 100 favourite films, I am choosing the films which I feel are essential movies; and funnily enough many of them DO NOT appear on my top 100 faves list. So here they are: a list of those films which I feel are "essential viewing":

• 12 Angry Men (1957)
• The African Queen (1951)
• All About Eve (1950)
• Amadeus (1984)
• Anatomy of a Murder (1959)
• And Then There Were None (1945)
• The Apartment (1960)
• L'Avventura (1960)
• The Awful Truth (1937)
• The Bad and the Beautiful (1952)
• The Band Wagon (1953)
• The Body Snatcher (1945)
• Born Yesterday (1950)
• Brazil (1985)
• Brief Encounter (1945)
• Once Upon A Time in the West (1968)
• A Canterbury Tale (1944)
• Casablanca (1942)
• The Cat and the Canary (1927)
• Cat People (1942)
• Chinatown (1974)
• Citizen Kane (1941)
• City Lights (1931)
• Curse of the Cat People (1944)
• The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
• Dead of Night (1945)
• Gun Crazy (1950)
• Desk Set (1957)
• Destry Rides Again (1939)
• Dinner at Eight (1933)
• Double Indemnity (1944)
• Duck Soup (1933)
• L'Eclisse (1962)
• Educating Rita (1983)
• Executive Suite (1954)
• Fatso (1980)
• The Flowers of Saint Francis (1950)
• Frankenstein (1931)
• Get Carter (1971)
• The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)
• Giant (1956)
• Gilda (1946)
• The Godfather (1972)
• Grand Hotel (1932)
• The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
• The Great Escape (1963)
• Harold and Maude (1971)
• The Haunting (1963)
• His Girl Friday (1940)
• Holiday (1938)
• How Green Was My Valley (1941)
• I Walked With A Zombie (1943)
• In Cold Blood (1967)
• The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)
• The Informer (1935)
• The Innocents (1961)
• Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
• It's A Gift (1934)
• It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
• The Italian Job (1969)
• Johnny Guitar (1954)
• Ju-On (2000)
• The Killing (1956)
• King Kong (1933)
• Kiss Me Deadly (1955)
• Throne of Blood (1957)
• Bicycle Thieves (1948)
• Laura (1944)
• The Lion In Winter (1968)
• Long Day's Journey Into Night (1962)
• M (1931)
• The Maltese Falcon (1941)
• The Man Who Could Work Miracles (1936)
• The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)
• The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
• Mary Poppins (1964)
• A Matter of Life and Death (1946)
• Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (1939)
• The Mummy (1932)
• Murder, My Sweet (1944)
• My Darling Clementine (1946)
• My Dinner With Andre (1981)
• My Fair Lady (1964)
• My Man Godfrey (1936)
• Night of the Demon (1957)
• Night of the Hunter (1955)
• Night of the Living Dead (1968)
• The Ninth Configuration (1980)
• Now, Voyager (1942)
• The Old Dark House (1932)
• On Borrowed Time (1939)
• Onibaba (1964)
• Only Angels Have Wings (1939)
• Out of the Past (1947)
• Phantom Lady (1944)
• The Philadelphia Story (1940)
• Pickup On South Street (1953)
• The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)
• Quatermass 2 (1957)
• The Quiet Man (1952)
• Raw Deal (1948)
• Rear Window (1954)
• Red River (1948)
• Repulsion (1965)
• Rio Bravo (1959)
• Rosemary's Baby (1968)
• The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
• Sabrina (1954)
• The Scarlet Empress (1934)
• The Searchers (1956)
• The Seven Samurai (1954)
• The Seven Year Itch (1955)
• Shirley Valentine (1989)
• Singin' in the Rain (1952)
• Wild Strawberries (1957)
• Stagecoach (1939)
• Summertime (1955)
• Sunset Blvd. (1950)
• The Sunshine Boys (1975)
• Sweet Smell of Success (1957)
• The Tall T (1957)
• Them! (1954)
• The Thief of Bagdad (1940)
• The Thing from Another World (1951)
• Three Little Words (1950)
• To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)
• The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
• Trouble In Paradise (1932)
• The Trouble with Harry (1955)
• Umberto D. (1952)
• Vertigo (1958)
• Viaggio In Italia (1954)
• Wait Until Dark (1967)
• The Woman in the Window (1944)

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IS "TORTURE GARDEN" THE WORST OF THE AMICUS OMNIBUS MOVIES??? There are a great many who think so. And I think there's much to be said for such an opinion. However, in the words of Yoda: "No, there is another."

TORTURE GARDEN was the follow-up after Amicus' success with DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS (a movie very close to my heart) and follows much the same formula. Whereas the early film features 5 men getting on a train only to meet tarot reader Dr. Schreck (Peter Cushing), TORTURE GARDEN features a group of people entering a carnival sideshow run by Dr. Diabolo (a wonderfully fruity performance by Burgess Meredith). Inside Diabolo has a statue of Atropos (Clytie Jessop -- the ghostly Miss Jessel from THE INNOCENTS): one of the ancient Greek Fates who cut the strand of your life. A nice touch features Jessop appearing in the background of every one of the individual stories. As each punter pays to look into Atropos' mystical shears, s/he sees a possible terrible future. All the stories are based upon stories by Robert Bloch. This is where the trouble lies with the film because they were seemingly taken from Bloch's weakest stories (with the exception of the final story I'll get to in a minute). This is all doubly surprising since Robert Bloch himself is creditted with writing the screenplay.

The first tale features a man compelled to commit murder by a demonically possessed cat. It's nicely acted and nicely shot but there's something lacking somehow. There just doesn't seem to be much sense of dread or atmosphere of horror. We just want to throw the cat a squeaky mouse and be done with it. The second story is even weaker with no real horror elements at all; it involves a starlet who discovers why some movie stars never seem to get older. Again, an intriguing concept nicely acted but also anticlimactic and somehow lifeless. The downward slide continues with the absolutely ridiculous story of a haunted piano that terrorizes a young woman. An effort is made to imbue the piano with the spirit of the Greek muse Euterpe but having a piano slide around the floor "chasing" a screaming woman is, to put it mildly, incongruous!

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS; skip this paragraph if you don't know what happens. Just when you thought all hope was lost we have the final segment; based on a truly superb short story called "The Man Who Collected Poe". Saturnine Jack Palance plays obsessive Poe collector Robert Wyatt who discovers another collector named Lancelot Canning (Peter Cushing) has a better collection than he. Palance offers to buy a rare Poe first edition but naturally Cushing ain't sellin'. Palance wangles an invite from Cushing to see his entire collection back in the States. Palance shows up at Cushing's door (quite soon after). Sure, Cushing has rare items -- even down to actual clothing worn by Poe -- but it's only after Cushing gets quite drunk that he takes Palance downstairs where the REAL collection starts. Firstly, we find manuscripts for unpublished stories written in Poe's own handwriting. Strangely, the writing paper has a watermark from 1966! Cushing reveals that his grandfather was a graverobber who dug up the dust of Poe himself and kept him in an ornate box. Palance opens the box and finds it empty. Cushing then reveals that his grandfather was also an occultist who used infernal methods to raise Poe from the dead ashes. Palance starts to get squirrely as only Palance can and Cushing starts to get crabby and insists they leave. Palance, after a struggle, obtains a key to a locked door behind which is Edgar Allan Poe himself. Alive and kept locked away so that he can continue to write new stories. This final segment of the film is truly entertaining and a real showstopper -- which makes watching all the previous lackluster stories worthwhile just to reach this final little gem.

The strangely limp quality of TORTURE GARDEN is remarkable considering the talent involved: Robert Bloch's script, Freddie Francis' direction, quite beautiful photography by Norman Warwick and a superb cast including Cushing, Palance, Meredith, Michael Ripper, Niall MacGinnis, Robert Hutton, Beverly Adams and Michael Bryant. The problem I keep going back to is the relatively poor quality of the Robert Bloch stories. Freddie Francis, renowned as a cinematographer, isn't enough of a director to raise a great movie from a lackluster script. Witness the full length Robert Bloch based Freddie Francis directed "THE SKULL". The film is only saved, as I said, by the truly worthwhile final "Poe" segment which stands as one of the most memorably of all the Amicus portmanteaux.

Which leads us back to the original question. And if in fact TORTURE GARDEN isn't the worst of the Amicus omnibus horror movies, what is??? In my humble bumble, there is one that is worse. Having said that, they are ALL quite watchable. But of the 8 Amicus portmanteau/omnibus horror movies (am I forgetting any?!?), here is how I rank them:

1. FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE (1973)

2. DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS (1965)

3. TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972)

4. THE HOUSE THAT DRIPPED BLOOD (1971)

5. VAULT OF HORROR (1973)

6. ASYLUM (1972)

7. TORTURE GARDEN (1967)

8. THE MONSTER CLUB (1980)

WORLD WITHOUT END / SATELLITE IN THE SKY (1956) is the exclusive double feature DVD available (for the time being) only at Best Buy. Here we have two 50's science fiction movies which are probably as little known as RIDERS TO THE STARS or THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE; both of which I have already inflicted on my erstwhile readers. Hey, what is this blog becoming??? Skiffy Films???? Well, of course, I had to pick this dvd up as well. Who could resist?!? Though both films are from the same year, the former is an American production while the latter is British through and through. British except however for the strange inclusion of the American pronunciation of the word "schedule" which confused me a little coming from British actors.

WORLD WITHOUT END was directed by Edward Bernds: not only the maker of similar 50's fave QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE and countless Three Stooges and Blondie movies, but also the sainted director of the greatest film ever made: HIGH SCHOOL HELLCATS! So, we've GOTTA have a winner here, right? Well, it's certainly dopey enough. The cast includes heavyweight science fiction stalwarts Hugh Marlowe (THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL and EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS) and Rod Taylor (yes, THAT Rod Taylor . . . star of THE BIRDS and THE TIME MACHINE and current member of the alt.Magnificent 7!). Only this time, Rod is still sporting an odd accent that alternates between his native Australian and something of a cod-English accent. Ole Rod was much more successful with his American accent than his English one. And ole Hugh Marlowe is as stiff as ever -- which may make him popular with the nubile space chicks he encounters but for we audience members he still comes across as Richard Carlson-Lite. Having said that, Hugh is quite adequate in the role he's given to play -- and that is, stodgy Hugh Marlowe type.

But what does the cast have to do? Well, they's a group of 4 astronauts (also including Nelson Leigh and Christopher Dark to round out the quartet) who blast off in their Mickey Mouse rocket to Mars. Not to LAND on Mars, you understand. Just to look at it and then go back home. Well, something happens which causes the aforementioned Mickey Mouse rocket to freak out and speed up to unheard of speeds. The four astrostuds wake up to find themselves on another strange planet. They land on the polar ice caps and trek about 12 miles (!) to warmer, shrub-covered regions. They (but not we the viewer) are shocked to find that they have in fact landed on Earth about 500 years in the future. They are attacked by one-eyed Cyclops cavemen (they call them "mutates") as well as the silliest, dopeyest, cockamaimee giant spider you've ever seen. I mean seriously, it makes the one in CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON look like it was made by WETA. Truly, it looks like a throw pillow shaped like a spider that someone throws on Rod Taylor from behind a cave wall. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen! And Rod Taylor is such an actor that he even manages to convey fear and threat!

Our four astronauts eventually meet the surviving members of the human race who have gone underground in a series of tunnels and consequently have become weak and docile. Any of this sounding familiar?!? It REALLY must have sounded familiar when Rod Taylor starred in THE TIME MACHINE a couple years later! There is also quite a feel of THE MOLE PEOPLE as well; what with the pale fellas living underground. All the males look "bloodless" and elderly while all the women are young and nubile (this movie wasn't directed by a female obviously). The women are quite in the "Kiss? What's kiss?" category but they're not that far behind; they immediately fall for the he-men astronauts from the past (especially after seeing Rod Taylor with his shirt off). But hey, even Hugh Marlowe looks hunky to them! A lot of other stuff happens involving the astronauts trying to get their guns back (yep they tote handguns any cowboy or gangster movie would use instead of ray guns) and trying to start their own camp on the surface. It doesn't really matter. You know what's going to happen anyway. Having said all that, and dopey as it is, I'd say WORLD WITHOUT END still manages to be kinda watchable . . . if you've got nothing else to do.

SATELLITE IN THE SKY surprised me by being slightly better than WORLD WITHOUT END. I said slightly. While the first movie on the dvd double feature was fanciful, this one at least tries to be scientifically factual (a la RIDERS TO THE STARS). Naturally, the film doesn't quite make it. Welsh director Paul Dickson helms this one and the only thing else he's done I know is one episode of THE AVENGERS. The goal of this movie is not even to go to Mars or the Moon but merely to orbit the planet earth. And the British are going to be the ones to do it! Kieron Moore (of THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS and DR. BLOOD'S COFFIN) is manly commander Michael Haydon who is going to pilot the first orbital rocket into orbit. Along with the crew is Bryan Forbes (yes, THAT Bryan Forbes who would go on to become a noted director) here appearing one year before he would get zapped by alien meteorite pods in QUATERMASS 2. While the orbital flight is supposed to be for scientific purposes, at the last minute it is revealed that the military (from whom most of the budget for the rocket was gotten) are insisting on placing an experimental bomb on board -- the most destructive bomb ever created by man -- in order to blow it up in space and watch the boom. This impels the last minute addition of another crew member Professor Merrity (lupine Donald Wolfit of BLOOD OF THE VAMPIRE fame). After the spaceship blasts off, our group discovers that reporter Kim Hamilton (played by Miss Moneypenny herself Lois Maxwell) has stowed away on board the ship Lois Lane-like to get a scoop! She has obviously not given any thought at all to delicate weight ratios that could have been calculated to the smallest gram. A nice touch is having Kieron Moore tell her off for PRECISELY this reason; although he prefaces it all by saying that thankfully the weight restrictions were not that severe on this flight. I guess they weren't because all the coffee and sandwiches Lois Maxwell serves during the flight would've used up a lot of the weight restrictions.

Of course, when it comes time to test the bomb, it becomes magnetically attracted to the ship's hull and sticks fast to the side. AFTER the bomb is primed!!! Well done! This prompts the major crisis of the film which our heroes must overcome and, I have to say, it does come across as rather exciting. Although we ALL know what's gotta happen to get the crew back safely, don't we?!? For those fans of slambang action, be warned that the first half of the film could probably be called "SOAP OPERA IN THE SKY" since it concerns mostly the interpersonal relationships of the astronauts with their wives and girlfriends. If you are not too impatient, this stretch is actually not too bad and helps bring more of a personality and backstory to the astronauts who will soon be launched into space.

Both science fiction movies on this disc are in colour as well as Cinemascope and come from really wonderful looking prints. They really look great. And for all those fans of 50's science fiction, this dvd will probably be worth getting. I'm certainly not sorry I shelled out for it. Although the price of the dvd might seem a little high at first, when you think about getting two movies on one disc each film costs you about 8 bucks -- so if you were to both both separately on bargain dvds that's about what they'd cost you. The direction of both films is competent if unspectacular while the terrific casts go a long way toward carrying the films.

THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE! Oh they did, did they?!?

While I'm on the subject of not-so-well-known science fiction movies (you remember -- RIDERS TO THE STARS, THE ANGRY RED PLANET. . .), here is probably one of the littlest known and oddest of the bunch. THEY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE frankly I never even heard of until it popped up on the TV schedule this week. So I did a little research on it and decided to watch it. I'm certainly glad I did even though I can in no way call it a good movie. In fact, it's one of the oddest combinations of equal parts high calibre professionalism and boneheaded stupidity. I'm also shocked to announce that it's an AMICUS film; that dear old studio that competed with Hammer Films by doing all those omnibus horror films like DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS, THE HOUSE THAT DRIPPED BLOOD and TALES FROM THE CRYPT. Here, though, we have a full length science fiction movie. Very odd for an Amicus. First let's tackle the movie's exceptional qualities (this shouldn't take long):

• The cinematography by Norman Warwick is really sumptuous and a joy to look at. Many exterior location shots of the sundappled English countryside (the film is supposed to take place in Cornwall) and even the London exteriors really look fantastic.

• The set designs by Bill Constable with Art Direction by Don Mingaye and Scott Slimon are wild and wonderful. This is a 60's film and they really ran with that whole mod, spacey, kooky, spy film type of look when it comes to the interior of alien spaceships and alien headquarters.

I'm afraid that's all the praise that can be heaped on the movie since the rest of THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE is a bewildering muddle -- but still perversely enjoyable to watch. If only because it constantly forces the viewer to shake his head and wonder what the hell they were smoking.

As said previously, this is a 60's film (1967 to be exact). And it does indeed capture that particular British spyfilm vibe that Mike Myers has gotten so much mileage out of parodying. In fact, much of the film feels like an episode of THE AVENGERS or THE PRISONER. Paradoxically, it also feels very much like a 50's film; in the basic plot (as you will see).

That plot (apparently taken from a book by Joseph Millard) was turned into a screenplay by Milton Subotsky. Now, Milton just happens to be the producer of this film as well as every other Amicus movie along with his partner Max J. Rosenberg. That must be how he got the gig because the screenplay is a breathless exercise in "Huh?!?" for the viewer as scene after scene rockets by with improbably plot point after improbable plot point. It never makes much sense but I'll be damned if it doesn't keep you watching to find out what wackiness will happen next. The basic plot should be familiar to anyone whose ever seen a QUATERMASS movie or INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS or IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE or. . .well, you get the picture. I am also told that this might be yet another instance where Stephen King was "inspired" by a movie for his plot of "THE TOMMYKNOCKERS". Now, I have never read the book (or seen the movie I believe exists) so I cannot comment to this opinion. However, for those of you who ARE familiar with THE TOMMYKNOCKERS, see if any of this sounds familiar.

A group of "meteors" falls to earth in Cornwall -- but they fall in a V-formation (!). Token American scientist Dr. Temple (a constipated Robert Hutton) heads a team of space researchers who are requested by British government agent Stillwell (Maurice Good) to go out to Cornwall and take a look. Unfortunately, Temple is recovering from a near-fatal car crash in which he had to have a metal plate surgically implanted in his noggin. When his doctor forbids him to go, Temple suggests his assistant Lee Mason (the semi-luscious Jennifer Jayne). Agent Stillwell, loudly objects with all the chauvinism he can squeeze into this one little scene, but is eventually forced to take her along. When they reach the downed meteorites, all of them are taken over by the disembodied alien intelligences resided inside the rocks. (Shades of QUATERMASS 2)! The aliens begin taking over more and more scientists and other useful earthlings (shades of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE and...). I'm still not exactly sure what the hell the aliens are trying to accomplish but . . . well, does it really matter anyway?!? When the aliens try to take over Dr. Temple, nothing happens. Thanks, big ole silver metal plate in my head! Temple teams up with another government agent who goes into a phone box, makes a call and staggers out with dots of blood erupting from his skin, keels over and dies.

Huh?!?! you might say. I know I did. This is just one of the seeming dozens of plot twists that come from left field. It seems he has contracted the plague (the "Crimson Plague" the media cheerily dub it). A passing doctor leans over to examine him, starts erupting blood spots and dies too! It seems the plague is massively virulent. Although, of course, Dr. Temple (the closest person to the afflicted man who actually cradles his body for most of the scene) never gets sick and it's never explained why. I suppose it's the metal plate in his head again?!? Anyway, Temple later discovers a bunch of plague victims frozen by the aliens in a deep freeze. Again, I couldn't tell you for what purpose -- maybe I missed something?!?

Temple goes to see his old buddy Farge (Zia Mohyeddin) and talks the poor guy into melting down all his bowling trophies. (Stay with me, here). Yeah, it seems he wants Farge to make a silver plate for his OWN head so he won't be taken over by the aliens and can help him fight. This results in Farge wearing what looks like a metal spaghetti collander with a rectangular metal plate attached to it on his head. Observe -- what every good alien fighter is wearing this year:

They also invent some google-eyed goggles (big, thick lenses out on stalks, ya'll) that enable them to . . . oh, I don't know. See the aliens or something. Again, following the plot THAT closely isn't really important. They also fix up a ray gun which can zap the bad guys. The pair go kidnap Lee Mason (who Temple suddenly, without any previous indication, reveals he deeply loves), ties her up and eventually zaps the alien out of her. They rig up a metal plate/salad spinner for her to wear on her head and go off to battle the alien menace.

Now, there are a LOT of other wacky plot points I'm leaving out because if I were to list them all not only would I get carpel tunnel but also your head might explode trying to collate them all in your mind. Suffice it to say that eventually our klunky hat-wearing heroes sneak aboard the alien rocket and head off to the moon where they meet the big cheese himself: Michael Gough as the "Master of the Moon". No shit, that's what his character's name is! He and all the other high poobah aliens are dresses in what can only be described as castoff Bill Macky costumes from the Donny and Marie Show! Seriously, Michael is rockin' the orange and pink! Oh yes, and I think he's got clay in his hair. Don't ask. I won't reveal what the alien "master plan" to all this is; mainly because I don't want to spoil your enjoyment of this mindspinning denouement and also because I also not really sure what the hell happened.

As bizarre and mindbending as all this is, it still compels you to watch the thing. The film is actually directed by master cinematographer and frequent Amicus (and Hammer) director Freddie Francis. However, it seems the meandering maze of a screenplay may have been too much for him. Scenes move from one to another in a rather abrupt manner resulting in a rather choppy-feeling movie. It's probably all Freddie could do to get everything in the packed script INTO the movie at all! The special effects by Les Bowie involve some pretty good model work (which reminds me of SPACE: 1999 or UFO calibre) as well as some woefully cheap-looking not-so-special effects: the "ray gun" looks like nothing more than a flashlight (or a torch for our British friends) -- the victim essentially has a light shown at him and pretends to crumple down unconscious. The budget for this film apparently was, shall we say, underwhelming. Also the musical score (apparently by James Stevens) conducted by Philip Martell sounds mostly like it belongs in a MATT HELM movie; underlying the British spy film mania feel of the film. That is, when it isn't just annoying; as in the fight scene in which the entire musical score consists of an annoying rat-a-tat snare drum at machine gun speed.

While I still cannot recommend this film to anybody, at the same time . . . if it happens to be on . . . and you have nothing better to do . . . and you want to take a sideways dimensional shift into Wacky World . . . well, it's up to you.

"May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses. May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free. May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending one another. May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness-- the children, the aged, the unprotected-- be guarded by beneficent celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood."

The Buddha

HELLO. . . . IT'S ME.