"This is the case of Armand Tesla, vampire, as compiled from the personal notes of Professor Walter Saunders, Kings' College, Oxford. The following events took place on the outskirts of London towards the close of the year 1918. They began on the night of October 15th; a particularly gloomy, foggy night that was well-suited for a visitation by the supernatural." This visitation was enabled by Columbia Pictures Studios under the direction of Lew Landers as the 1943 spookfest called "The Return of the Vampire" starring Bela Lugosi as Dracula in all but name. We're all familiar with Lugosi's historic turn as the vampiric Count at Universal Studios in 1931; a turn which would effectively save Carl Laemmle's studio from bankruptcy. Bela would be unceremoniously dropped from the sequel "Dracula's Daughter" in 1936; replaced by a waxworks dummy in the scene where Gloria Holden commits his body to the fire. In fact, in the very same year of 1943, Universal would deliver another vampire film (Son of Dracula) and cast their new horror favourite Lon Chaney Jr. as the slightly over-fed Count Alucard without seriously considering Lugosi for the role. Perhaps poetic justice guided the hand of Columbia Pictures in their effort to make their own Universal-like Dracula film; calling it "The Return of the Vampire" and starring Bela Lugosi would naturally clue in the prospective audience that Dracula was back. So who was this Tesla guy? Well, naturally Columbia wouldn't dare call him Dracula and draw down the wrath of Universal's potent legal department. So, an alias was in order; fitting considering Tesla himself masquerades as Dr. Hugo Bruckner throughout the film.
So there we have it: an opening narration related about about the mysterious events in 1918. Matt Willis as Andreas (perhaps the most lovable werewolf ever in movies with his puppy dog nose and happy, fanged grin) creeps through a foggy graveyard (that almost out-Universals Universal for sheer atmosphere) on his way to a subterranean tomb to wax eloquent to the coffin of Armand Tesla. And it's really a heckuva speech provided by either screenwriter Griffin Jay or else more probably by Randall Faye (who provided additional dialogue): "Master! It's night again! Beautiful, dark, silent night with the fog creeping in. Time for you to awaken, master." Delivered with a whisper in the blackness of a crypt and howling wolves in the background sets the tone right away. Columbia is really going for Universal horror, here. Willis is quite fun as the werewolf Andreas. In the makeup, he looks absolutely nothing like Lon Chaney Jr.'s Wolf Man; however, out of the makeup Matt Willis was obviously cast because of his similar expression and facial structure. The tragic figure of Andreas Obry is quite deliberately meant to evoke Lawrence Talbot. As Tesla leaves his tomb and spreads his cape in the foggy night, I'd like to mention a little about Matt Willis' genre roles. 
Other than this memorable appearance as a werewolf, Willis didn't really appear in horror films. Immediately after "Return", he appeared in the 1944 film "The Ghost That Walks Alone". Other than that, notable appearance came as a henchman in the "Senator Claghorn" film "It's A Joke, Son", as an uncredited policeman in the Edward G. Robinson film noir "Scarlet Street" and as a bouncer in Abbott & Costello's "It Ain't Hay". 
As for Bela, he usually gets the blame for overly theatrical acting and scene-chewing. However, Lugosi here is the most restrained performer of the bunch. Perhaps realizing the great chance he was being given to essentially headline as Dracula in another film, Bela invests the role with a gravity and seriousness that seems like the calm around which the sometimes hysterically theatrical overacting of his cast stormily revolves. Frieda Inescort as Lady Jane Ainsley, vampire hunter, first appears in the 1918 sequence of the film. As Professor Saunders (Gilbert Emery) queries whether the barking dogs indicate prowlers on the grounds, Lady Jane cooll
y quips "Possibly. We have them sometimes" and goes back to peering at her microscope. Her deadpan delivery of this line is probably meant to illustrate her steely courage but will most likely get a laugh. It got one from me. Later, as the film jumps to the World War II era (1943), Inescort plays in old (or rather middle-)age makeup with a matronly concern that sometimes pushes one's "Oh come on!" button. Her performance is not embarrassing by any means but is slightly wooden and uninvolving. Frieda Inescort would make a few other horror appearances in "The Alligator People" as well as an episode of Boris Karloff's Thriller entitled "The Prisoner in the Mirror" in which an undead sorcerer emerges from a haunted mirror to possess the living (shades of Amicus' "From Beyond the Grave"). The rest of the cast consists of Miles Mander as Scotland Yard's Inspector Frederick Fleet, Nina Foch as Nicki Saunders and Roland Varno as her fiancee (and Lady Jane's son) John Ainsley. Varno is in full ineffectual leading man mode as he tries to follow in David Manners' footsteps (but lacks the charm and humour to pull it off). Varno's two other notable horror appearances would occur alongside Bela Lugosi and George Zucco in Bela's only color film "Scared To Death" as well as a brief appearance as the master of ceremonies in Vincent Price's "The Mad Magician". Nina Foch, as always, acquits herself quite well as the vampirized Nicki (also clearly modelled after Helen Chandler in "Dracula"). She alternates between fluttery swooning and hypnotized somnambulism. In her "fluttery" mode, Foch can veer a little too close to overacting but she is very effective when she is under Tesla's spell; staring intently at Varno's exposed throat. When John Ainsley is found bitten later in the film, it is obvious that Nicki vampirized him in the previous scene. 
However, Lady Jane confronts Tesla with the knowledge that he actual bit her son; not Nicki. I don't buy it. I like to think it was actually Nicki who put the chomp on her future husband. Call it the (gothic) romantic in me. Nina Foch, of course, also appeared in the horror film "Cry of the Werewolf" as well as many genre appearances on TV in shows such as Lights Out, Suspense, Tales of Tomorrow, Kolchak: The Night Stalker and The Outer Limits. Oddly enough, Foch also appeared in an episode of "The Thin Man" entitled "Lady Frankenstein"!!! As for Miles Mander's Inspector Fleet, the most infamous moment has to come in the very last line of the film. Despite all the evidence he's seen during the film, Fleet STILL doesn't believe in vampires. This ranks right up there with the stupidity of Lady Jane as she constantly fails to recognize Armand Tesla until 3/4 of the way through the film (despite having encountered him in 1918 with Professor Saunders at his first staking). As he asks those around him whether they believe in vampires, Mander turns directly to the camera and smirks "And do YOU people?" Fade out. As sledgehammer breaking of the fourth wall that goes a long way towards undermining the carefully composed atmosphere of the rest of the film. Of course, one cannot blame Mander for this as he was directed to deliver the line by the script and the director. Mander also doesn't give an "embarrassing" performance but he does come across as stuffy and pinched. This can result in sometimes amusing lines such as Fleet's advice to Lady Jane: "My dear lady, you simply can't go around the country driving things into people's hearts!" Says who, I ask you? Frankly, with these fussy and boring characters, I'm rooting for Armand & Andreas. Miles Mander (who would die of a heart attack a mere 3 years after this film) made several notable horror appearances in films such as "The Picture of Dorian Gray", "The Phantom of the Opera (1943)", and 1939's "Tower of London" alongside Boris Karloff, Basil Rathbone and Vincent Price. Mander also appeared in such borderline gothic mysteries as "The House of the Seven Gables (1940)" and "Shadows On the Stairs (1941)" (with fellow "Return of the Vampire" co-star Frieda Inescort) as well as Basil Rathbone's Sherlock Holmes entries "The Pearl of Death" and "The Scarlet Claw" and the classic film noir mystery "Murder, My Sweet" starring Dick Powell as hard-boiled detective Philip Marlowe.
The film itself is basically a retread of "Dracula" (much like Universal's own 1932 production of "The Mummy" borrowed the basic plot and characters of Lugosi's film -- including several of "Dracula"'s actors as well as the input of John L. Balderston) only set during the air raid sirens of World War II's London Blitz. Lugosi as Tesla isn't fooling anyone (except copyright holders) in that he is playing anyone other than Count Dracula in this film. Tesla's enslaved servant Andreas is quite reminiscent of Dwight Frye's Renfield; alternately glum with guilt or gleeful to do his master's bidding. Vampire Hunting Lady Jane is an obvious stand-in for Edward Van Sloan's Van Helsing; while also filling Dr. Seward's function by providing granddaughter Nikki (Seward's daughter Mina played by Helen Chandler in "Dracula") as the vampire's semi-vampirized blonde catspaw. "Return of the Vampire"'s concept of holding Lady Jane possibly liable for murder for the staking of Armand Tesla also goes back to the "actual" sequel of "Dracula": "Dracula's Daughter" in which Edward Van Sloan's Van Helsing actual is taken in by police for the crime of staking the Count at the end of the 1931 film. Van Helsing must convince the authorities that the Dracula actually was an undead vampire which will act as sort of a "get out of jail free card" for the crusading vampire hunter. And while Andreas in werewolf form doesn't resemble Lon Chaney Jr.'s Wolf Man makeup by Jack Pierce, it has been often noted the physical resemblance between the actor Matt Willis' face to that of Lon Chaney Jr. Willis' agonizing over the evil control of Lugosi's vampire may strongly evoke Dwight Frye's Renfield but it also brings to mind the long-suffering Lawrence Talbot when Andreas takes werewolf form.
The wartime air-raid device works particularly well when a German bomb lands on the cemetary where Tesla's body lies staked and some comical British gravekeepers mistake the stake (ouch!) for shrapnel and pull it out; thus reviving Tesla and plunging the previously cured werewolf Andreas back into his lycanthropic ways. The scene where Tesla's white hand claws its way out of his re-dug grave is gloriously effective and prefigures a similar scene in Mario Bava's "Black Sunday" almost two decades later. "Return of the Vampire", in fact, is sort of it's own sequel; containing as it does the earlier "movie" featured in the film's opening as well as it's own "sequel" later when Tesla is revived after years in the ground. "Return of the Vampire" is no direct sequel to a previous film but instead combines it's own "original" film with it's own sequel in the same picture. Tesla, thus revived, enters the Ainsley mansion as an invited guest under the guise of Dr. Bruckner and quickly sets his eyes on Nicki. The usual Dracula antics ensue until Lady Jane and Inspector Fleet FINALLY figure out they're dealing with the revived vampire Armand Tesla. Andreas becomes a furry double agent as he apparently works for Lady Jane while secretly carrying out Tesla's sinister orders and deftly moving the goody two shoes characters around like chess pieces for his master. Scenes where the vampire mentally calls Nicki from her bed are pure Universal horror with moody chiaroscuro shadows and bedcovers blown by the leaf-laden wind of open French windows. Nicki sleepwalks down to the library (in a spectacular blanket of indoor ground fog) with Bela's whispered commands echoing on the soundtrack. "I shall command and you shall obey!" intones Lugosi. It's after this exchange that Nicki seemingly vamps John. Fleet and Lady Jane also soon discover Andreas' duplicity and the werewolf mocks them with talk of Tesla's invincibility.
"Return of the Vampire" is the perfect fun forties horror film to watch on a midnight showing of "Shock Theater". It has superb atmosphere and photography as well as one of Bela Lugosi's most solid performances. As I've said before, Bela plays it straight and gives Tesla a weight and authority which the (slight) script requires. A quick viewing of 1935's "The Raven" (also directed by Lew Landers as "Louis Friedlander") reveals just how far Bela's command of the English language has progressed in the ensuing 8 years. The familiar Lugosi accent is, of course, still there but Bela seems to grasp the meaning of the words much more than he did in his over-enunciated line readings of the earlier film: "Out step-p-t a state-lee rrrrrr-rrhay-ven") But as always, Bela can lift a somewhat weak screenplay to new heights of horror mood and he does so admirably in "Return". He is suitably commanding as Andreas' "master", charming in the disguise of Dr. Hugo Bruckner (who has been murdered at Tesla's command and lies at the bottom of the English Channel), and threateningly reptilian as he faces off against Lady Jane in the famous "organ playing scene". 
Tesla (in full tuxedo and cape) enters as Lady Jane solemnly plays the organ throughout the scene. "So at last, through Andreas, you learned who I am," Tesla taunts her with a smile, "How great must be your satisfaction to realize how well you've cured him!" Tesla's threats appear quite concrete as he threatens Lady Jane: "What a fool you are! With all your scientific knowledge you have achieved nothing! You are too late to stop what I have set out to do." In fact, so confident is Lugosi in this scene that it is almost shocking when the seemingly ineffectual Lady Jane reveals a glowing cross behind her sheet music and dispatches Tesla in a puff of smoke. 
Tesla summons Nicki to sleepwalk her way to his cemetary hideout while Lady Jane & Fleet follow her. Air raid sirens start sounding as our group reach the graveyard through some of the heavest ground fog in cinema history. Fleet shoots Andreas and bombs start to fall. Andreas, the ever faithful werewolf servant, picks up Nicki and carries her to Tesla's underground tomb. While ducking and covering, Lady Jane and Fleet lose them. Andreas deposits Nicki on a cold stone slab and begs Tesla not to let him die from his bullet wound. Cruelly, Tesla dismisses Andreas in a particularly chilling performance by Lugosi that makes one genuinely want to "hiss" the villain. "I no longer need you, Andreas." Tesla snarls, "Your usefulness is over!" How can even Bela kick such a lovable old puppy dog when he's down?!? Tesla sends him into the corner to die. This scene is particularly reminiscent of Dracula's similar dispatch of Renfield after he has unwittingly led the white hats to Dracula's lair in the final moments of the 1931 Universal film. While the vampire looms over Nicki, Andreas finds a conveniently dropped crucifix in the dirt, hears the encouraging words of Lady Jane in his mind, gets religion, changes back to human form and brandishes the cross at Lugosi. A bomb falls. The tomb caves in. Andreas comes to and carries Tesla out into the early morning sunlight. Cue disintegrating wax dummy replica of Lugosi and the forces of good have triumphed once again. Of course, Andreas has kicked off as well but hey, that's morality show biz! 
Lew Landers who, besides directing the 1935 Karloff-Lugosi pairing "The Raven", also contributed such genre films as "Mystery Ship" (1941), "The Mask of Diijon" (1946), "Seven Keys to Baldpate" (1947) and "Inner Sanctum" (1948). As he did in "The Raven", Landers directs in a swiftly moving style which nonetheless piles on the horror atmosphere with a deft touch sadly lacking in many other non-Universal horror films of the era. With a better script, "The Return of the Vampire" could have been an outright classic. As it is, "Return" is loads of creepy fun. Especially on a dark, stormy night, the viewer bathed in the blue light of the picture tube. Do we believe in vampires, Inspector Fleet? You bet your bats we do! 
Here we have, after a rather weak opening sequence involving Bob & Doug McKenzie's amateur post-apocalyptic home movie, two dopey Canadian brothers who drink all their father's beer after papa gave them money to go out and buy it for him. In order to avoid getting in deep trouble with Dad (who is voiced by an unseen Mel Blanc!), they hatch the scheme of putting a mouse in a beer bottle and heading over to the liquor store for some free beer. Sadly, the mouse they use is still alive and the brothers are tossed out on their Canadian keisters. Bob & Doug then decide to head on up to the Elsinore (first dead giveaway) brewery in order to score a free case of beer. There they find Pam (Lynne Griffin), daughter of the brewery's former owner who died suddenly. Pam's mother Gertrude has married her late husband's brother Claude (Paul Dooley) and given the brewery over to him and evil brewmeister Smith (the great Max Von Sydow). . .thus passing over Pam's rightful inheritance of the family business. Smith is planning to take over the world by introducing a mind-controlling drug in Elsinore beer; he is also coincidentally head of the Royal Canadian Institute For the Mentally Insane which conveniently is situated next door. Pam's boyfriend Rosey (Angus MacInnes) is a hockey player who currently resides in the asylum and, along with the other inmates, is being experimented upon by Smith with drugged beer and sonics. Bob & Doug McKenzie are given jobs at the brewery in order to keep tabs on them; they backhandedly end up trying to help Pam and the kindly deposed former brewmeister Henry Green (Douglas Campbell) regain control of the brewery and free the put-upon asylum inmates. It goes on from there -- and the boys' beer-guzzling dog Hosehead plays a vital part in the movie's climax too!
The HAMLET parallels are all over this movie. Pam, of course, is the Hamlet figure with a sex-change; deposed of her rightful inheritance when her mother Gertrude (Gertrude in Shakespeare as well) marries her brother-in-law Claude (Claudius in HAMLET) for control of Elsinore. There is even a scene where the ghost of Pam's father supernaturally appears out of a "Galactic Border Patrol" video game -- this mimicking the ghost of Hamlet's father. Rosey fulfills the love interest role for Pam as Ophelia did for Hamlet; in fact, Rosey even has a drowning scene! And, of course, he is driven insane (like Ophelia) by the drugged beer and sonic experiments of Brewmeister Smith (NOT like Ophelia). Smith does not have a direct parallel with the Shakespeare play; instead he and Claude seem to be two halves of the King Claudius character in HAMLET with Smith handling the Machiavellian evil and Claude more of a bumbling doormat. Bypassed former brewmeister Green probably stands in for the bumbling Polonius while Bob & Doug McKenzie naturally fulfill the clueless Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern rolls as they constantly meander through the proceedings without the slightest idea of what's going on. See Tom Stoppard's ROSENKRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD for more info on these daffy Shakespearean dolts. Oh, and as for the George Lucas references? Well, STRANGE BREW of course was released the same year as Lucas' RETURN OF THE JEDI. The hockey-playing mind-controlled asylum inmates wear white suits that look remarkably like stormtroopers (with black versions for the opposing team) and several "Star Warsy" lines in the film appear the likes of "I'm your father, you hoser" and "He saw JEDI 17 times, eh".
Now, I've always had a fondness for this dopey little comedy even BEFORE I'd ever read HAMLET. What I liked most about it was the performance of Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas; they have the brotherly rapport down perfectly and act as real-life (albeit extremely stupid) brothers naturally act. They portray a genuine relationship which rings super-true in the way brothers compete with one another, give each other Indian burns and insult one another. . .however, there is also an underlying fondness and affection which is equally evident. These two SCTV comedians can actually act! At least in these two roles. Max Von Sydow is marvelous as evil Brewmeister Smith and I'd love to know what exactly he thought of this whole escapade. According to a 200o interview with Dave Thomas, Von Sydow did the film because "his kid told him to". 
EYES IN THE NIGHT is based on a mystery novel by Baynard Kendrick entitled "The Odor of Violets". Kendrick (who also created the characters for the "Longstreet" TV series) himself wrote the screenplay along with Guy Trosper and Howard Emmett Rogers. Trosper was a screenwriter responsible for JAILHOUSE ROCK, ONE-EYED JACKS, THE BIRDMAN OF ALCATRAZ, THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD as well as THE PRIDE OF ST. LOUIS (1952) for which he was nominated for an Oscar. Rogers wrote the cult film TARZAN AND HIS MATE (I wonder if he wrote the nudey swimming scenes), LIBELED LADY, FOR ME AND MY GAL and CALLING BULLDOG DRUMMOND among others. Now that's some line of talent in the script department. But then we get to the director who may be a bit of a surprise: Fred Zinnemann. Yes, THAT Fred Zinnemann; who gave us HIGH NOON, MEMBER OF THE WEDDING, FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, OKLAHOMA, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS, DAY OF THE JACKAL and JULIA! As I said, when MGM makes a tiny little B-picture, this is the level of talent they utilize.
And speaking of talent, that brings us to the cast. Edward Arnold steps away from his busy character acting status in such films as THREE ON A MATCH, WHISTLING IN THE DARK, THE GLASS KEY, YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU, MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON, MEET JOHN DOE, and THE DEVIL AND DANIEL WEBSTER in order to play the lead here as blind detective Duncan "Mac" Maclain. Arnold is excellent in the role making a blind detective who can take on murderers and spies seem perfectly plausible. He is ably abetted by Friday the German Shephard who is an excellent trained actor performing lots and lots of terrific stunts as well as being a pretty good little actor himself. 
Ann Harding will forever be known to me from her terrified leading lady status opposite a scene-chewing Basil Rathbone in the classic thirties thriller LOVE FROM A STRANGER. A very young Donna Reed plays her "Veda"-like role as the petulant daughter nicely as well; proving she had acting chops even this early in her career. Reed, of course, would win the Oscar for FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (once more teaming with director Zinnemann) as well as memorable roles in THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY and IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. 
Silent film veteran Reginald Denny was around for a long time in films ranging from Buster Keaton's PARLOR, BEDROOM AND BATH, PRIVATE LIVES (1931), THE LOST PATROL, ROMEO AND JULIET (1936), a slew of BULLDOG DRUMMOND films as sidekick Algy, Alfred Hitchcock's REBECCA, MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE, CAT BALLOU and all the way to his final film: BATMAN based on the campy 60's TV series. Caddish Paul Gerente is played by terminal cad John Emery who played similarly-flavoured roles in such films as HERE COMES MR. JORDAN, Hitchcock's SPELLBOUND, ROCKETSHIP X-M, THE MAD MAGICIAN, Jayne Mansfield starrer THE GIRL CAN'T HELP IT, KRONOS and the BORIS KARLOFF'S THRILLER episode "The Devil's Ticket" as the Devil himself. Type casting. Longtime character actress Rosemary DeCamp appears here as a compromised maid in with the Nazis; among her countless roles on television and in films are YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (playing much older than her actual age as was her wont) as James Cagney's mother, STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND with James Stewart, William Castle's scare-fest 13 GHOSTS as well as recurring roles on TV's THE LIFE OF RILEY (as Peg), THE BOB CUMMING SHOW and THAT GIRL (as Marlo Thomas' mother Mrs. Marie). 
Stage actress Katherine Emery is nicely sinister as the Nazi bund leader. This was her first film role and her small list of movies includes Val Lewton's chiller ISLE OF THE DEAD with Boris Karloff, and her final film THE MAZE. And I'm sorry but nobody can convince me that Katherine Emery is not the long-lost sister of Mercedes McCambridge; the resemblance is uncanny and the voice is almost exactly the same if only lower! Another Nazi is played by Stanley Ridges who is probably most familiar to horror fans for his showing role in the forgettable borefest BLACK FRIDAY alongside wasted Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi; other films includes roles in UNION PACIFIC, EACH DAWN I DIE, MR. DISTRICT ATTORNEY, SERGEANT YORK, TO BE OR NOT TO BE, WILSON, POSSESSED and THE FILE ON THELMA JORDAN. Finally we have a small role by the beloved comedian 
Yes, true believers, next week over there on the right the Comic Cover of the Day will be featuring Dr. Doom fighting on the covers of many different Marvel Mags causing major headaches for practically the entire Marvel stable of heroes. So get ready when the mayhem begins this Sunday!
As an exercise in extreme futility, I present a list of certain film directors and my favourite film directed by same. Now, you'll notice I didn't say "best" film; I said "my favourite" -- that is, the film which connects the most with me. Also keep in mind that I may not have seen the most famous films by any given director (i.e. I've never seen Preston Sturges' SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS so therefore it ain't my choice). After having perused this monumentally lengthy list, I invite you to post a similar list of directors and your favourite films by them. You don't have to use the same directors or make your list quite as long as mine but go ahead and post it on your blog if you like and put a link in the comment section right here. I'd be very interested to see your faves. And now, on with the show:
The time is now. After seeing the first episode, I had an initial reaction but I wanted to wait until the entire series had managed to get "across the line" before piping up about it. First off, TOP GEAR is the wonderfully entertaining international hit show which I fell in love with from the first time I saw it -- and I don't even care about cars! After an abortive attempt to come up with an American version at NBC a couple years back, there is now an ongoing TOP GEAR U.S. airing on the History Channel (of all places!) which began at the end of last year. The hosts are comedian Adam Ferrara, pro racing driver Tanner Foust and automotive/racing analyst Rutledge Wood; they are joined by an American clone of mysterious, masked racing driver The Stig (more on him in a moment). The format, naturally, is following the tried & true British version in that the trio of hosts test-drive cars and get sent on a serious of wacky races. Of course, the US TOP GEAR programme should follow the format of the original -- or why call it TOP GEAR? However, there are some problems. Some big problems. The words I used to describe the show after seeing the first two episodes are: "slightly woeful". 
First, there are the hosts who sadly lack the -- shall we say -- very strong personalities of British hosts Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. I'm fairly familiar with comedians but Adam Ferrara is a name I've never heard; apparently he was a regular on the Denis Leary firefighter series RESCUE ME and appeared in such unseen-by-me films as PAUL BLART: MALL COP. This all makes no difference if, on TOP GEAR U.S., he's funny and a great host. Unfortunately, he's more annoying than funny and his hosting abilities (like most comedians) leaves a lot to be desired. For example, the first episode features Ferrara interviewing Buzz Aldrin: their "big star in a small car". The interview was embarrassing and awkward to the point of being unwatchable. Somebody must've taken note because the second episode features Rutledge Wood doing the star interviewing this time; and Wood is a much more natural and relaxed interviewer. For comparison purposes, watch the Buzz Aldrin interview with Ferrara and then watch the Kid Rock interview with Wood -- miles apart! Ferrara suffers from a trap most comedians fall into when required to host a television programme: that you have to try to make every word that comes out of your mouth "funny". No one can do that and the constant straining for such a result tires the viewer and probably Ferrara as well. Tanner Foust and Rutledge Wood are OK in their roles but again remain strangely bland and awkward; although Wood's "aw shucks Southern man-child" routine is also laid on a little too thick and a little too often. After watching all 6 episodes, I can think that probably that fault can be laid at the feet of the producers/directors of the series who seem to be forcing the trio into mimicking the personalities and repartee of the British hosts. A big mistake since the segments when they do this are so obviously forced as to be annoying. However, when the three men forget themselves, relax and allow their own personalities to come through things get better and the show becomes more watchable. This brings us to the Stig. Whereas the possibly extra-terrestial tame racing driver is an integral part of the original show, here the American Stig is hardly used and, in fact, doesn't even appear in one or two episodes at all. Also, the hosts (and more probably producers of the show) have made no real effort to establish the mystique of this unknown pro racing driver whose face is never seen. The British show, of course, does the famous "some say he sleeps upside down like a bat" comments or that he has no concept of earth food. For viewers who have never seen the original programme, the American Stig must seem like just an anonymous hired hand in a helmet and white jumpsuit who test-drives cars. As previously mentioned, oddly enough the show suffers when it tries to follow the better British version too closely. The aforementioned attempts to cram the British personalities down the throats of the rather "un-fireworks-like" US hosts is so forced and awkward as to evoke pity for the three men. Also, sometimes the "wacky races" tasks given the trio can be too derivative. For example, one episodes has them duplicating EXACTLY the tasks given the British hosts when they were trying to prove that British Leyland made decent cars: the "rough road test with a collander of eggs suspended over the driver's head" test, the "emergency brake parking on an incline" test and the "filling the cars with water and having the men drive submerged around a track" test are all exactly duplicated. Why? We've seen that done by the Brits and it was a helluva lot funnier; in fact the familiarity with the original programme makes it even LESS funny and more annoying. So we have a programme which is not as funny as the original, not as entertaining as the original and basically a very pale copy.
However . . .
And yes, I said a book; not one of those satanic Kindle things which are so unpleasant, unreadable and currently sticking a knife in the back of the bookstore industry. Any true book lover would never touch one of those things. But I digress (I do that). Back to reading books. If things were different, I'd be wearing a smoking jacket sitting in my well-appointed library in Gormenghast castle seated in front of a roaring fire in an overstuffed leather chair reading a leather-bound volume with gilded edges by the light of a green-shaded lamp. However, my current circumstances lean more towards the Weekly World News behind a dumpster. But this is cyberspace, so lets pretend it's the first example, shall we? As is my wont, I never read solely one book at a time but usually have several going at once. And I'd like to briefly talk about my pile of reading material. I know this is an unusual subject for this blog but hey. . .it's an unusual blog.
This first tome is one I've been reading off and on since the autumn: Bill Warren's KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES: THE 21st CENTURY EDITION. This is the new, totally revised version of the classic critical study of science fiction/horror films of the fifties (more or less) and its certainly indispensible for anyone remotely interested in the genre. Also, it's one of the most famous books on the subject so you really should read it at some point. Granted, occasionally you may find yourself violently disagreeing with Warren's opinion of a particular film but isn't that what film criticism is all about? After all, have you ever read one of David Thomson's books?!?
Peter Ackroyd's LONDON: THE BIOGRAPHY is also indispensible for anyone interested in history. Ackroyd is always immensely readable, witty and erudite and this book exemplifies that beautifully. This book was made into a BBC-TV (all too brief) 3 episode series (Hiya, Weaverman!) which serves to whet your appetite for the full-course meal the actual book will provide. Ackroyd covers everything from the ancient founding of the city to . . . well, . . . turds. Where else are you gonna get such coverage of a subject, I ask ya?!?
I have been a fan of the silly, irreverant work of cartoonist Fred Hembeck since I first encountered his tiny little strip on "The Daily Planet" page in late 1970s DC Comics. So I was nothing but thrilled to latch onto THE NEARLY COMPLETE ESSENTIAL HEMBECK ARCHIVES OMNIBUS which, as the title suggests, reprints "almost" all his stuff in one phonebook-sized tome. Granted, none of the DC "Daily Planet" strips are here; nor are Hembeck's "Marvel Age" pages or such Marvel Comics productions as the notorious "FRED HEMBECK DESTROYS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE". But the classic early-80s Fantaco magazine-sized Hembecks are all here: THE HEMBECK FILES, BAH HEMBECK, ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET THE BRIDE OF HEMBECK, etc. The volume also reprints early work from the cartoonist as well as his lengthy run in the pages of the Comics' Buyers Guide running right up to almost the present day. A treasure trove for Hembeck fans and comic book fans everywhere.
Speaking of comic books, I also found myself compelled . . . and I do mean compelled . . . to purchase the first two volumes of both ESSENTIAL MARVEL TEAM-UP and ESSENTIAL MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE. These are among the black and white reprint line of Marvel Comics which have been going for several years now. The reason why I felt compelled to get them is because the Marvel Comics of the first half of the 1970s are particularly magical to me; there is something about the look, the feel, the mood of them which I've always loved. And these 4 reprint volumes provide that feeling to me in spades! "Marvel Team-Up", of course, (usually) featured Spider-Man teaming up with a different guest star hero every issue while "Marvel Two-In-One" did the same for the Fantastic Four's lovable rocky hero The Thing. 
Being the early to mid-1970s, these books featured Spider-Man not only teaming up with the likes of Iron Man, Captain America, Dr. Strange and the Incredible Hulk but also such crucial mid-70's Marvel characters as The Son of Satan, Ghost Rider, the Monster of Frankenstein and Man-Wolf! The artwork of such great pencillers as Jim Mooney and Sal Buscema is exemplary but the single most mood-inducing factor in these comix is the gorgeous Marvel "house style" inking done by such stalwards as Frank Giacoia, Joe Sinnott and Mike Esposito. Tasty!
I've always had an interest in secret codes and ciphers (ask anyone who received a "Happy Birthday" sheet from me back in the Rustler days) so I naturally found THE CODE BOOK by Simon Singh as great read. This book not only gives you such famous ciphers as the Caesar shift and the Vigenere square but also gives the historical background of some of the most famous incidents in cryptography from the secret code of Mary, Queen of Scots to the famous German Enigma machine of World War II. A potentially dry subject is kept lively by Singh's obvious enthusiasm for the subject as well as his grasp of the workings of ciphers.