HARBINGER DOWN [2015]

 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE BOOS THIS MOVIE GETS. 

Here we have an above-average creature feature that many compare to John Carpenter's THE THING but in reality it's more like ALIEN meets DEADLIEST CATCH with some THE THING tropes tagging along just for fun.  I can see why there are comparisons with THE THING since the creature effects very much echo the flailing tentacles that were iconically crafted for Carpenter's epic.  Stan Winston protege Alec Gillis (writer/director) and Tom Woodruff Jr. (producer) made this movie with a Kickstarter campaign in order to champion the art of practical effects over CGI.  There's a good reason for that because their practical effects company Amalgamated Dynamics has worked hard on several bigtime movies (THE THING prequel, the first SPIDER-MAN, I AM LEGEND) only to have their practical effects replaced with CGI by the studio.  They posted their original practical effects on their on youtuber channel and got such a tremendous response (as well as astonishment as to why the studio would replace their practical work with CGI) that they kickstarter-funded HARBINGER DOWN in order to showcase a creature feature with practical effects.  Additional funding was provided by Dark Dunes, who released the film.  The general response, however, has been kinda mixed with some thumbs-downing the movie.  I really don't get this at all.  While no classic, HARBINGER DOWN does provide a really entertaining and fun creature feature with well-delineated characters that I actually cared about.  

The whole shebang takes place on the commercial fishing boat Harbinger captained by Cap'n Graff (Lance Hendrickson himself).  A university group of biology students led by their dickwad professor Stephen (Matt Winston - son of the late great Stan Winston himself) also includes Graff's granddaughter Sadie (Camille Balsamo) and student Ronelle (Giovonnie Samuels).  The Harbinger's crew is made up of Bowman (Reid Collums), Big G (Winston James Francis), Dock (Mike Estime), Atka (Edwin H. Bravo), Svetlana (Milla Bjorn) and Roland (Kraig W. Sturtz).  While probing underwater for whales, Sadie discovers a huge chunk of ice with a blinking red light encased in it.  Hauling it aboard, they discover that the remains of a crashed Soviet moon lander from 1982 is inside the ice.  Once thawed, the remains of a cosmonaut is inside is relieved of a skin sample by Sadie.  Once alone with the corpse, Stephen stupidly touches the remains and gets some goop on him.  Sadie discovers the moon lander is carrying lots of those microscopic lil water bears called tardigrades (you've seen them on the Science Channel). 

Unfortunately, the cosmic radiation they absorbed has mutated them and given them the ability to grow huge and shapeshift into all sorts of monstrous creatures (here we have THE THING tropes).  Stephen, now 'contaminated', shortly goes into convulsions and turns into a slimy creature; during this process possibly 'infecting' the others with his explosive glop. 

The rest of the movie continues on an ALIEN-like vibe as the crew runs around trying to avoid the creatures and wondering who, if any of them, is going to turn into a creature next (more THING tropes).  Absolutely no new ground is sewn here but, really, what film ever really sews new ground anyway.  What's that old chestnut about there being only 6 stories?  It's how you do it and HARBINGER DOWN does it, I think, rather well.  As I said, I really liked the characters here (except for the deliberately unlikeable dickwad Stephen who is expertly played by Matt Winston).  Winston James Francis and Milla Bjorn are particular favourites as Big G and Svet while Bravo, Estime and Collums also create strong, likeable characters in the crew.  Samuels as Ronelle is also hugely likeable while Balsamo's Sadie is almost as good.  Hendrickson as crusty old Cap'n Graff is like the Hendrickson of old; bringing a strong performance evoking his past glories.  The much-lauded practical effects are quite excellent -- what we see of them.  Perhaps budgetary restrictions caused the filmmakers to underlight them but they are still quite effective nonetheless.  All in all, a quite good creature feature set on a boat which I think delivers.

SWORN TO JUSTICE [1996]

 "BACK HERE, BITCH!  GO TO HELL!"

  So sayeth Cynthia Rothrock right before you blows a bad guy sky high!  So yeah, I'm a big Cynthia Rothrock fan and Vinegar Syndrome has been doing her right recently.  The latest VSA release (with the beautiful slipcover art above) is another movie that isn't as good as Rothrock deserves but it's still a lot of fun.  And there's the added little bonus of a slightly supernatural edge to it.  Rothrock plays a psychologist named Janna who comes home to find her sister and nephew killed. 

She is attacked by a quartet (or quintet . . . I'm still not sure) of masked nogoodniks who attack her and, after Janna Dane lays down the kung fu on 'em, eventually gets clocked in the head pretty bad.  She wakes up having develops the power of psychometry; that is, the ability to psychically see visions when she touched objects.  Then one of my favourite movie thangs happens:  Janna goes on a rampage of vengeance. In this movie, Cynthia isn't saddled with a male co-lead so she gets a lot more screen time.  And she gets to kick male butt from here to kingdom come!  In the mix is the aforesaid cadre of killers led by a loose wingnut called Eugene (nicely played by a tetched Kenn Scott), a lawyer love interest Nicholas (NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER's Kurt McKinney)

and a cop named Briggs (veteran actor Tony Lo Bianco).  Also in the mix are some beloved genre favourites:  the legendary Brad Dourif as off-his-rocker killer Teddy, legendary actor Mako as blind newstand owner Mr. Young and an outrageously German accented Walter Koenig as headshrinker Dr. Breitenheim!  If you scoffed at Koenig's Russian accent, wait'll you get a load of THIS accent!!!!  The film is directed adequately by one-time director Paul Maslak (who wrote the screenplays for half-a-dozen similar martial arts movies as well as editing 'Inside Kung Fu' magazine) and, while no great shakes here, he still manages to keep things moving along without too much lag in the action.  Rothrock is given some great Bronsonesque/Eastwoodesque tough one liners too so she really kicks serious ass in this movie. There's nothing better than Cynthia Rothrock on screen and this movie is seriously uplifted by her star turn.  I think this movie is quite a bit better than it usually gets credit for.  And the sole reason for that is the starring presence of Cynthia Rothrock.  The release date of 1996 seems waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late; this really feels like it's from the late-80's/early 90's at the latest.  The martial arts sequence choreography is quite good; probably owing to the fact that Rothrock insisted on Tak Yuen being brought from Hong Kong for the fight scenes.  Rothrock also associate produced the film and both she and director Maslak were particularly interested in Cynthia having a more sexy persona in addition to her martial arts prowess.  In fact, this is the first Cynthia Rothrock film which features her in not one but two sexytimes scenes. . . which was quite unexpected for me!  SWORN TO JUSTICE was a real nice surprise as I didn't expect much from it and was pleasantly surprised how entertaining it was.

November 2022 Top 10 List

 HERE ARE MY FAVOURITE MOVIES I WATCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN NOVEMBER 2022.

1. IDENTIKIT  [1974]
2. THE KID WITH THE GOLDEN ARM  [1979]
3. ELF  [2003]
4. GREYHOUND  [2020]
5. PREY  [2022]
6. THE FIFTH ELEMENT  [1997]
7. IS THAT BLACK ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?  [2022]
8. TRICK BABY  [1972]
9. CELIA  [1989]
10. THE GIFT  [2000]

BLOOD DELIRIUM [1988]

 I MEAN . . . .WELL, I MEAN . . . . HOW IS ONE SUPPOSED TO RATE THIS ONE?!?!? 

I mean, it's a terrible movie.  Just really bad.  But it's so durn fun and hilarious (with one notable exception I'll get to in a minute).  Sergio Bergonzelli wrote and directed this messterpiece of Italian horror with the incoherency we've come to expect and love from Italian horror.  This is the first Bergonzelli opus I've seen; he also helmed the nunsploitation film CRISTIANA, DEVIL NUN which just appeared in the NASTY HABITS box set so there's a good chance I'll be getting my hooks into THAT before too long.  Sergio seems to take the nightmare-logic and sleaziness we've come to love in Italian horror and dialed it waaaaaaaaay up because this here film is almost beyond description!  The plot (like it really matters) begins with Sybille (Brigitte Christensen) awaiting the return of her husband Gerard (Marco Di Stefano).  Gerard requests Sybille make those crepes de Grand Marnier he likes.  Sybille sets the table -- topless wearing nothing but panties and stockings with garter belts.  This is an Italian horror movie, you see.  Sybille then receives a message on her answering machine from herself -- but not herself - and from the future -- and possible also dead -- warning her about something or other. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in the castle across town, famed painter Charles Saint Simone (John Philip Law) is watching his wife Christine die.  Christine is also played by Brigitte Christensen.  This is an Italian horror movie, you see.  So is this the Sybille/not Sybille calling from the future?  But this is obviously the present as we shall see because Saint Simone soon sees Sybille and invites her to his castle for a bit of sumpin' sumpin' (or something).  This is an Italian horror movie, you see.  Well, obviously it's because Sybille reminds him of Christine.  Dear.  Dead.  Christine.  Who is shortly dug up and dressed in a wig and mask and propped up in front of the piano (she played, you see) as some sort of inspiration for the painter -- who has now gone stark-staring bonkers and thinks himself some sort of reincarnation/disciple of Vincent Van Gogh.  Sybille tells Charles that she can clearly see the influence of Van Gogh on Saint Simone's paintings.  There is absolutely NO similarity between the paintings we see (which look more like Frank Frazetta) and the style of Van Gogh.  This is an Italian horror movie, you see.  And being that Italian horror movie, Simon has a valet named Hermann (Gordon Mitchell) who not only will rape any female within a 5 mile radius but also likes doing the nasty with female corpses.  Now we come to the only part of the movie which isn't fun; that is, Hermann's almost constant raping of women.  Hermann rapes pretty much any woman he sees.  On the street.  In broad daylight.  In front of witnesses.  Who pretty much act like this is a normal thing and do absolutely nothing to help the poor women.  Now I love the wonderful Gordon Mitchell but this character is just repugnant and not fun in any way.  I guess he plays the part remarkably well because the rapes are really horrible to watch and -- this may sound funny but -- I wish Hermann was not so rapey and stuck to shtupping corpses.  Truly, Hermann is a hateful character and I wish the one rape victim who pulls a knife on him halfway through the film woulda cut his throat and exited him from the picture. 

As it stands, Saint Simone (foaming-at-the-mouth bonkers as he is) is horrified and disgusted by Hermann's constant rapeyness and constantly tells him to stop -- although he does nothing more to disuade Hermann.  In fact, he needs Hermann to brings him the ladies he needs so he can bleed them to death and get that 'perfect colour' to use in his paintings i.e. their blood.  In amongst all this, there are glowing volley balls that fly around the room (not sure what they're supposed to be).  Of course, logic doesn't matter in an Italian horror movie and Bergonzelli is scrupulous about not cluttering up his movie with logic.  And this is what makes it such a great watch (minus the rapey scenes).  BLOOD DELIRIUM is aptly titled because it's a fever dream of delirium and gets even MORE feverishly bonkers in the final reel!  John Philip Law gives one of the most over-the-top, scenery-chewing performances of anybody in cinema history and I mean that!  You just know, having read this script, Law was deliberately aiming for the stratosphere!    Christensen too plays things pretty OTT and they're both marvelously matched.  Mitchell, oddly, is pretty subdued throughout much of the movie (even during his rapey bits which probably make them MORE uncomfortable) but does revert to the appropriate scenery-chewing in the final reel.  I mean, the more the merrier, right?  As ridicculous as the whole movie is, BLOOD DELIRIUM reaches a new height is incomprehensible batshit-crazy, jaw-dropping insanity in the final reel.  And oddly, the more batshit crazy Saint Simone goes, the closer his painting (done by John Philip Law himself on camera) actually DOES begin to ape the style of Van Gogh.  Perhaps all that blood WAS the trick after all?

GUILLERMO DEL TORO'S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES {2022}

MORE HALLOWEEN LEFTOVERS IN MY TRICK OR TREAT BAG!

  I never managed to get around to watching this in October (since it didn't debut on Nutflux until the very end of the month) but now here I am and here they are and let's see what becomes of me watching dem.

Ep. 1) -  LOT 39.  Directed by Guillermo Navarro, who was director of photography on pert near all of Guillermo del Toro's movies.  This one plays just like an episode of HBO's TALES FROM THE CRYPT as well as the original E.C. Comics upon which it was based.  Tim Blake Nelson plays a not-so-likeable guy who's not only down on his luck but into some loan sharks who want their money.  Desperately buying up a storage unit which may contain some valuables (tipped off by Demetrius Gross as the storage unit worker), he finds it filled with esoteric of a decidedly occult nature.  The episode takes place during Desert Storm (not sure why) and the unit was owned since the 1940's by an old man who just died.  Among other things, Nelson discovers a wooden carved seance table.  When he takes it to a dealer, she triggers a hidden drawer containing 3 old books of arcane knowledge.  Calling in an expert on such things (played by Sebastian Roche), Nelson is told there should be a 4th book; if he can find it, he'll pay $300,000 for all four tomes.  The two men go back to the storage unit and discover a false wall leading to a lengthy chamber and what lies beyond . . . 

This was a really nice above-average episode with a hint of Lovecraft and a nice E.C. twist in the tail.  Karma is a bitch.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

Ep. 2) - GRAVEYARD RATS.  Love that title, ain't it great?!?  Directed by Vincenzo Natali (who directed CUBE).  This episode is based on the classic horror story by Henry Kuttner (which I have read).  I've also seen it filmed previously as one of the stories in the anthology film TRILOGY OF TERROR II by Dan Curtis.  And I'm also pretty sure I've read a comic book adaptation either from E.C. Comics or some other pre-code horror comic I can't place.  David Hewlett nicely plays the custodian of a graveyard who is into some loan sharks for some money (I see a theme developing here) and partakes in a little graverobbing to recover valuables to pay of his debt.  Unfortunately, a huge infestation of rats is making this hard for him.  When opening the graves, Hewlett discovers the coffins empty; the rats have chewed a big hole in the coffin and dragged the corpses away (with whatever valuables they had on 'em).  A rich guy dies with lots of gold teeth and valuable items buried with him.  Hewlett waits till the night of the funeral hoping the rats won't get to the body that quickly.  He's wrong.  Just as he opens the coffin, he sees the body being dragged through a hole chewed in the coffin.  A desperate Hewlett crawls after it and finds himself in a vast warren of underground tunnels.  This is an absolutely wonderful episode which captures the feeling of the Kuttner story.  The tale is set sometime in the Victorian era in Salem and the (mostly CGI) sets and settings all look spectacularly good.  There is also a semi-Lovecraftian bit about there being tunnels beneath the city which were used long ago by some 'Black Church' of demon-worshippers and this combines with the rat tunnels nicely.  This also had a nice E.C. Comics feel to it and yes, karma here is also a bitch once again.  Excellent, fun episode!  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ep. 3 - THE AUTOPSY.  Directed by David Prior who gave us THE EMPTY MAN.  Sheriff Nate Craven (Glynn Turman) has a group of corpses on his hands and calls in his pathologist friend Dr. Carl Winters (F. Murray Abraham) to perform the autopsies in order to figure out exactly what happened.  Obviously the star power in this episode is notched up with these two well-known and terrific actors on hand and they bring absolutely great performances to this one.  The episode is absolutely terrific with not only top notch special effects but also a few genuine scares.  The rundown, makeshift morgue facilities of this tiny, ill-funded police station is absolutely superb set design.  And the spooky atmosphere is ramped up to eleven.  So far, this is the finest episode of the series I've seen (I'm watching them in order) and also features a truly wonderful ending!  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️,

Ep. 4 - THE OUTSIDE.  Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour who directed A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT.  A little more satirical than previous episodes, this one also manages to be creepy and a little disturbing.  'Ugly Duckling' Stacey (the wonderful Kate Micucci) is constantly ignored by her female co-workers but one day is invited to a 'Secret Santa' party at the luxurious house of one of her co-workers.  Stacey (with everything done to make her unattactive including a 'wall-eye' contact lense in one of her eyes) is a taxidermy hobbyist; she shoots a duck on the wing and stuffs it as a present.  When she arrives at the ridiculously mansion-like home of her host, she learns that everyone has given agreed beforehand to all receive the same gift:  the miracle beauty lotion Alo Glo.  Stacey's taxidermied duck isn't too appreciated but Stacey is gifted her own Alo Glo lotion.  At the encouragement of the other women, Stacey smears it all over her face and neck and promptl breaks out in red rashes.  As she goes home that night and catches an Alo Glo infomercial, the Alo Glo man (Dan Stevens) begins talking directly to Stacey and assures her that the itching and redness mean the lotion is doing it's work and soon she will be transformed into the swan she wants to be.  The Alo Glo is already 'growing' under her skin.  What does that mean?!?!?  We find out in the episode, naturally. This episode has quite a lot to say about people (particularly women) who are cursed with a negative body image.  Stacey's husband Keith (Martin Starr) is one of the most supportive husbands ever and continually tries to make Stacey stop lathering on the Alo Glo because she's perfect as she is and doesn't need any improving.  Sadly, Stacey is convinced by her female co-workers and the creepy Alo Glo Man that she is a frump who must improve her looks.  I also got a sorta echo of THE STUFF where this seemingly sentient white goop takes control of all these women; trade out the addictive ice cream/fluff-like STUFF for the addictive beauty lotion Alo Glo.  This is really the most TWILIGHT ZONE-like episode of this series as well; it really captures the spirit of Rod Serling's classic TV series.  And by the end, it really makes ya think.  Kate Micucci, half of the comedy team Garfunkel & Oates is also known for playing Lucy in several episodes of THE BIG BANG THEORY as well as being the voice of Velma in the Scooby-Doo movies and TV shows in recent years.  The performance of Micucci alone bumps this up an extra half-star.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ep. 5 - PICKMAN'S MODEL.  Directed by Keith Thomas who gave us the FIRESTARTER remake.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here comes ole HPL.  Officially. First of two.  And it breaks my heart to say this is the worst episode I've seen thus far.  There is very little of Howard Phillips' story present here.  That is not a dealbreaker, per se.  I mean, Nutflux did THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE with very little of Shirley Jackson's actual novel present and that is a modern classic.  No, the problem here is that, the Nutflux version of THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE retained the spirit of Jackson while PICKMAN'S MODEL is antithetical to the spirit of Lovecraft.  The changes to the original story seem padding merely to make the running time fit the hour format.  The addition of 'sexy times' is also VERY un-Lovecraftian and doesn't add anything to the episode.  In fact, it merely sets up tired and overly-seen horror tropes which caused me to sigh in disappointment.  All this led to a final 'shock' which could be seen coming a mile away -- because we've seen it a hundred times before -- mostly in multiple variations at the end of E.C. Comics stories.  Usually that would be a plus but this is kinda sorta supposed to be a Lovecraft story and it's soooooo not how anything Lovecraftian would end.  Then there's Crispin Glover's (as Dickie Pickman) . . . shall we say . . . . 'interesting' choice of accent.  Well, at least Glover seems to be having fun with it.  That may be the only fun in an overly dour episode.  And the monster itself . . . the actual titular 'model' . . . . well, it's first appearance as it climbs out of the well is . . . . well, I laughed out loud, honestly.  Scary as a muppet.  It's pretty bad when a 50 year old episode of NIGHT GALLERY did a better adaptation of this story.  Yeah stick to the NIGHT GALLERY version . . . or just read the actual short story. ⭐️⭐️½.

Ep. 6 - DREAMS IN THE WITCH HOUSE.  Directed by Catherine Hardwicke who also directed . . . . oh no . . . . TWILIGHT!!!  Wow, that doesn't bode well, does it.  Well, Lovecraft round two.  And yeah, I kinda feel beat up after the previous one.  The good news is:  this is better.  The bad news is:  not by much.  Rupert Grint stars as the famous Lovecraftian character Walter Gilman and I'm perfectly OK with dat.  Hey, I'm a Rupert Grint booster.  I STILL want him to be the first ginger DOCTOR WHO.  And here he's perfectly respectable as Gilman; although the script makes the character more of a sniveling loser than the original story.  And speaking of the original story -- here again there's precious little of it to be found although the changes, in themselves, are not deal-breakers.  As kids, Walter and his twin sister Epperley are very close and he plays the Skye Boat Song on the piano a lot for her.  I'm not sure if this is what causes her to die but she dies.  He then sees her ghost which is promptly pulled by an unseen forest through some sort of dimensional portal into a spooky forest.  Gilman then spends the rest of his life trying to contact the other side and see his sister again.  He joins spiritualist societies and tries to find spiritualists who can help him; but they all turn out to be charlatans.  And tings go on from dere.  We don't get to the witch house until approximately halfway through the episode and the place is certainly a broken down mess.  Great set but who would realistically stay there?  Well, there's Walter and the artist (Tenika Davis) in the room behind him.  There is the witch Keziah Mason and there is also Brown Jenkin her human-faced rat familiar (typically here misnamed 'Jenkins Brown').  A lot of people seem to have a problem with Keziah's appearance but I thought it was very affective.  Brown Jenkin is kinda silly.  He came off a lot better in the MASTERS OF HORROR episode directed by the late great Stuart Gordon (who knew how to adapt HPL better than anyone I can think of).  So yeah, things are OK until about the final third of the flick when things just get really stupid.  The characterisations are fairly non-existent with Gilman being rather one note and particularly Tenika Davis' character severely underwritten.  Whereas PICKMAN'S MODEL was too long and padded, DREAMS seems like it needed more time to flesh out the characters and provide proper buildup to the rather sudden and perfunctory ending.  Once again, if you want to see a film adaptation of this story, stick to the MASTERS OF HORROR episode.  This one just lacks something.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ep. 7 - THE VIEWING.  Directed by Panos Cosmatos.  You know, of BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW and MANDY fame.  This time we're in 1979 where a small group of people are summoned to the spectacular abode of an incredibly rich guy who promises to give them an experience they'll never forget.  No, this is not HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL but there is that same sort of thang going on.  Kudos for casting the great and powerful Peter Weller as rich guy Lionel Lassiter; it warmed this old horror fan's heart.  The rest of the cast isn't really known to me but they were excellent as well:  gifted but cynical author Guy Landon (Steve Agee), genius musician Randall Roth (Eric Andre), astrophysicist Charlotte Xie (Charlyne Yi) and Uri Geller-like psychic Targ Reinhhard (Michael Therriault).  Then there's the mysterious companion to Lassiter Dr. Zahra (Sofia Boutella). The feeling of expectancy is very strong as we, like the four 'guests', are brought into this unbelievably spectacular building of Lassiter's (which was created by an architect you will never have heard of nor ever will) and hear the odd music on Lassiter's sound system (by a composer you will never have heard of nor ever will).  You see, they only create for Lassiter; such is his vast wealth and power.  Lassiter's four guests are slowly prepared with various substances for what they are about to experience:  the 'item'.  What it is we do not know . . . until about the last 10 minutes.  And I'm not sure we even really know then.  The 'item' is never explained but we do 'experience' it.  As do our characters.  As the 'item' is unleashed upon a waiting world.  If all this sounds kinda like a Lovecraft story, you'd be right!  This is the Lovecraftian episode in del Toro's series; not the two ostensibly Lovecraftian adaptations.  Cosmatos ramps up the expectancy of just what it is we are going to see and also flavours it with some creeping dread.  The dread does not overcome our curiosity.  We, like the characters, are highly interested in what we're going to see.  Lassiter has assembled these four because he too doesn't know what the 'item' is and is hoping for insight provided by their expertise in their fields.  And this isn't just a plot contrivance; they really do bring different angles of hypotheses as to what the 'item' could possibly be.  The characters are so well written that we are fascinated by their conversation (which takes up most of the episode).  Naturally, know-nothing-tots with zero attention span will probably be disappointed that the 'scary stuff' doesn't happen until the last ten minutes but this is called building atmosphere and expectation and true horror fans will appreciate it.  True Lovecraft fans, too.  Because this non-Lovecraft story is probably one of the most successful Lovecraftian filmic presentations there is:  fascinating, full of dread and a sense of wonder.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ep. 8 - THE MURMURING.  Directed by Jennifer Kent:  director of THE BABADOOK and THE NIGHTINGALE.  It's October 1951 and ornithologists Nancy and Edgar (Essie Davis and Andrew Lincoln) are making a study of the murmuration of birds -- particularly the dunlin.  This is the strange behaviour of flocking birds when they swarm back and forth in the sky in shifting patterns of thousands of birds that never once bump into each other.  You know the phenomenon.  Sadly, the two lost their infant daughter a year ago and neither one has really healed from that tragedy.  Their ornithological society sends them to an abandoned house on a remote island so that they can study the phenomenon.  Edgar films the bird formations with their new motion picture camera while Nancy records audio on her reel-to-reel.  The couple are left alone on the small island with the caretaker boating ashore once a week with supplies.  The house is fully furnished but abandoned and there are evil rumours about it being haunted by a tragedy that happened decades in the past.  While everything is fine initially, Nancy begins to hear things: a child sobbing, running footsteps, etc.  And then she starts seeing things:  shadows moving out of the corner of her eyes.  These strange occurrences increase while the frayed nerves of Nancy get worse and Edgar becomes more and more concerned and confused.  OK, so what we have here is a masterfully done haunted house story which is probably the scariest episode of the lot.  Jennifer Kent's direction here is, again, masterful and possibly the best she's done to date. And the performances of Essie Davis (ISOLATION and the aforementione THE BABADOOK) and Andrew Lincoln (well, THE WALKING DEAD, of course) are exceptional! I mean, seriously award-worthy.  The entire thing is so gripping -- even before factoring in the ghostie stuff which itself is, well there's that word again, masterfully done.  They truly did save the best for last!  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️½.     

All in all, GUILLERMO DEL TORO'S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES season one is a winner.  The majority of the episodes are excellent and even the couple not-so-greats ain't terrible.  The sets and cinematography are both exceptional all the way through and the acting is mostly terrific!  If there is a season two, it will be very interesting to see what is to come.

Go, Rupey!  Go, Rupey!  Go, Rupey!

MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE {1991}

 HALLOWEEN LEFTOVERS:  A REALLY SWEET KIDS HALLOWEEN MOVIE WE SO-CALLED GROWN-UPS CAN REALLY ENJOY! 

This New Zealand film also has the alternate title of GRAMPIRE and that's just a terrific play on words!  An American boy named Lonny (Daytime TV Emmy winner Justin Gocke) travels from his home in California to visit his Aunt Leah (Pat Evison) and Grandpa Cooger (Al Lewis) in New Zealand.  Lonny and his friend Kanziora (Milan Borich) are inseparable once there and they also have a great time with Grandpa Cooger who is a ball of fun . . . . if a little unwell,  Before too long, Grandpa Cooger sadly dies and the family holds a funeral.  However, it turns out that Grandpa Cooger isn't really dead after all but a 400 year old vampire.  Initially shocked and terrified, Lonny & Kanziora realize that Grandpa is actually a good vampire who doesn't bite people's necks and drink their blood.  Yeecccccccchhhhhhh!   The boys go on some adventures with Grandpa and all is good until Aunt Leah's boyfriend Ernie (Noel Appleby) becomes convinced there's a vampire around and it's no one else buy Grandpa Cooger.  The boys have to make sure that Grandpa doesn't get staked by the overzealous Ernie.  Hijinks ensue.

MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE is such a sweet film where the kids are actually written AS kids instead of little adults full of quips and sarcasm.  This is truly a film the likes of which we just don't see getting made anymore.  Perhaps it's something of the last of it's kind:  a kids film that doesn't subsist on poop jokes and cynicism which passes for most kids films today.  All right, now I'M sounding like a Grandpa too!  But it's true.  Oddly, this film gave me something of the Rankin/Bass FROSTY THE SNOWMAN vibe and I don't know why.  Maybe because that too features some kids trying to keep Frosty safe from an evil magician trying to steal his magic hat and end the snowman's existence.  But that's really the feeling I get from watching GRAMPIRE.  It's not a fairy tale feeling but more like those Rankin/Bass Christmas specials. And that's kinda the highest praise I can think of.  Al Lewis (ever famous as Grandpa Munster) is firing on all cylinders here. You can tell he loved every minute of making this film and was reportedly thrilled to get the opportunity to fly to New Zealand and make it.  Lewis does look a lot older and frailer than his actual age

but his energy is boundless and he even gives us a nifty dance routine towards the end of the film!  Gocke and Borich, the two boys, are also superb (and again I'm usually NOT a child actor fan).  But here both boys play their parts like actual boys there age with no attempts to be 'cute' or 'adorable' or any of that other crap I can't stand!  Both kids are really charming and Gocke is an excellent cryer; his tears after Grandpa Cooger's supposed death are heart-wrenching!  New Zealand favourites Pat Evison and Noel Appleby are excellent as well; adept at the comedy as well as the serious scenes.  Director David Blyth (who I only know from the horror film DEATH WARMED UP) does a beautiful job here and screenwriter Michael Heath (who wrote NEXT OF KIN {the horror film, that is} and the aforementioned DEATH WARMED UP) really knows how to write believable children as well as how to do a kids movie!  And final mention must be given to the genuine affection and rapport between Al Lewis and the two boys; Gocke and Borich (sounds like a comedy team -- and in a way they are) clearly love interacting with Lewis and ole Al just as clearly adores the two boys.  Justin Gocke (who not only won that Daytime TV Emmy but also appeared in the Farrah Fawcett flick THE BURNING BED) here has his last movie role.  Sadly, he would take his own life in 2014.  But even that sad fact can't diminish the absolute joy I got from this movie!  This is a movie that you can watch really any time of the year but I know I'll be making it a particular Halloweeny-season rewatch for that priceless feel of childhood nostalgia it gave me!   

October 2022 Top 10 List

HERE ARE MY FAVOURITE MOVIES I WATCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN OCTOBER 2022.

1. THE NECRO FILES  {1997}
2. SLAUGHTER DAY  {1991}
3. FEAR NO MORE  {1961}
4. MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE aka GRAMPIRE  {1991}
5. THE COTTAGE  {2008}
6. SHIP OF THE DEAD {1959}
7. INSIDE THE MIND OF A CAT  {2022}
8. THE SCARLET HOUR  {1956}
9. ALIENS, CLOWNS & GEEKS  {2019}
10. THE BEES  {1978}

100 Horror Movies in 92 Days 2022

 THE ANNUAL HALLOWEEN MOVIE CHALLENGE BY SPOOKYSARAHSAYS.  And I was actually successful at it!  The challenge on spookysarahsays is to watch 100 horror movies (new to you) in the 92 days from August 1st until October 31st.  There are 11 rewatches (which don't count towards my total) shown in the snazzy pictures below (which I wanted to picture to keep a record of those horror movies which were rewatches of films I hadn't seen in decades and were basically new to me i.e. the 1999 HAUNTING remake as well as new 4k edition rewatches).  So keep in mind actual total of "new-to-me" horror film watches stands at 115.  And here they are in all their splendour:

  

Wow.  Way to go, me!  And way to go ending the month with a reeeeeeeeeeeeal turd!

BACK FROM THE DEAD {1957}

 "THE DEVIL IS A PROUD SPIRIT AND DOESN'T LIKE TO BE MOCKED!"

  Dick Anthony and his pregnant wife Mandy go to their vacation home along the California coastline accompanied by Mandy's sister Kate.  Things are going fine until Dick insists on playing the wackiest LP ever heard; full of brash orchestration and blaring theremin.  Mandy screams, has an epileptic fit and passes out.  The doctor is called and informs Dick and Kate that Mandy has had a miscarriage.  Mandy wakes up acting strangely; calling herself Felicia.  Who's Felicia?!?!?!  Dick tells Kate that Felicia was his first wife who drowned 6 years ago.  Mandy had no idea Felicia ever existed and knows nothing of Dick's first marriage.  However, she now insists she is Felicia and knows things only Felicia would know.  Mandy has even taken to calling Dick by a nickname Felicia had for him:  Dickon.  Perhaps she read THE SECRET GARDEN???  Anywho, Mandy's faithful dog Copper growls seemingly knowing that Mandy is not Mandy anymore.  The trio go to the home of Felicia's parents the Bradleys and begins playing her favourite tune (the one on the record); Mandy doesn't know how to play the piano.  After telling Mrs. Bradley what only Felicia could know, the old woman is convinced.  So is her father Mr. Bradley; and he's quite afraid.  Felicia's mother turns out to be a member of a satanic cult who purposely brought her daughter Felicia's spirit back to inhabit Mandy's body.  The cult is led by a Maitre Renault who is planning to organize the cult into an occult ceremony to bring Felicia back permanently.  Meanwhile, after Mandy/Felicia turns the gas on in Kate's room in an attempt to asphyxiate her (she fails) and takes a scythe to faithful, fluffy Copper (she apparently succeeds), Kate is determined to thwart Felicia's evil spirit as well as the Satanic cult and bring Mandy back.

Really a low-rent version of Val Lewton's production of THE SEVENTH VICTIM (not an idea original to me), BACK FROM THE DEAD is based on a novel entitled 'THE OTHER ONE' by Catherine Turney; who also writes the screenplay.  By all accounts, the novel is much spookier than this rather thin screen adaptation on a shoestring.  Cinematography by veteran DP Ernest Haller is quite good; wringing every bit of atmosphere from the gloomy, rock-strewn California coast.  One can almost feel the clammy fog creeping in.  Being a 1950's film, the soundtrack is chock full of theremin which also helps to give BACK FROM THE DEAD an eerie, woo-woo feeling.  Charles Marquis Warren directs the outrageous goings-on in a straight-forward manner which manages to almost make things seem reasonable.  Almost.  Warren mostly directed westerns but he also helmed THE UNKNOWN TERROR (which I've talked about on last year's Countdown to Halloween) which formed a double bill with BACK FROM THE DEAD.  Arthur Franz as Dickon is rather more subdued than I'm used to seeing him (particularly in MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS) so I rather like him more here than I usually do.  Peggy Castle as Mandy spends most of the movie possessed by the evil spirit of Felicia and she gives it a steely edge which is quite effective.  Marsha Hunt as Kate gives a performance that is much better than the film deserves and it definitely the heart of the whole movie.  All in all a diverting 79 minutes which manages to zip by without really dragging.  No great shakes but there are just enough positives to make BACK FROM THE DEAD not entirely a waste of time.

Alas poor Copper . . . . 

 

THE LORELEY'S GRASP [1973]

 DID THE MAESTRO OF THE BLIND DEAD GIVE US A FOLK HORROR MOVIE HERE???

  I think so.  THE LORELEY'S GRASP is concerned with German mythology; particularly the Nibelungen saga.  The Lorelei (the spelling I know) is the daughter of Wotan and she's living in a vast stone catacomb underneath the Rhein river.  She's accompanied by another character from the myth:  Alberic the guardian of the Nibelungen treasure who has the strength of 12 men.  These elements alone, by definition, drag this movie into the folk horror milieu.  Young women are being ripped apart by some sort of beast and the German village is living under a pall of terror.  A blind street violinist (Francisco Nieto) plays a haunting theme which he reveals is the song of the Lorelei; one of the monstrous sirens (primarily known from Homer's ODYSSEY and the myth of Ulysses).  The Loreley must be back and she's here to rip out the hearts of her victims in order to prolong her eternal sleep. 

We get views of a clawed green-scaled hand ripping victims to shreds during the attacks as well as some fleeting glimpses of a razor-toothed green reptile face underneath a hood.  All great stuff.  There's a girls school nearby and teacher Elke Ackerman demands the Mayor protect them.  They hire a hunter named Sigurd (Tony Kendall) to stay at the school and patrol the grounds to kill the monster. 

The "girls" at the school all look to be in their early 20's and spend most of their study time prancing around their swimming pool.  Sigurd's early-70's striped, skin-tight pants and open shirt revealing his hairy chest force Elke to ban Sigurd from using the swimming pool since her students are already over-excited there's a man about.  Instead, Sigurd decides to use the nearby swamp for a dip (!). 

There he sees a beautiful, bikini clad woman who flees from him.  We have seen this woman before; she has been glimpsed inside a coach a discreet distance away from the funeral ceremonies of the latest murder victims.  One time, during a game of "catch me catch me", the mysterious woman lets Sigurd catch up to her and she reveals to him that her name is Loreley. 

Sigurd doesn't believe in the legendary monster and, for most of the movie, doesn't even develop the first inkling that the monster Loreley the entire town is hunting and the mystery woman named 'Loreley" could be the same person!!!  Yeah, Sigurd doesn't appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed.  There's a scientist who seems to have figured out in some roundabout way how to make a dagger infused with radioactivity (I think) which will kill the Loreley.  Loreley and her faithful Alberic (Luis Barboo) kill the scientist and burn his notes -- but leave the dagger behind.  Sigur, who earlier had a talk with the scientist, takes the dagger for himself.  At some point, Sigur gets some scuba gear and dives into the river where he finds the underground grotto.  Alberic greets him in the air-filled chamber and gives him a red cape and some 'Robin Hood'-looking duds to put on before he goes to meet the Loreley.  You see, throughout the course of the picture, Sigurd and Loreley have fallen in love.  Dressed in the fancy duds, Sigur goes before Loreley on her throne and she offers him eternal life at her side. 

She dangles a huge jewel to hypnotize him and smooth the process along.  There are assorted hijinks galore culminating in Loreley's wish to rip out Elke's heart as the final victim!

 

Amando de Ossorio is, of course, the director of the 'BLIND DEAD' quadrilogy and here he brings the same sensibility to THE LORELEY'S GRASP.  Copious amounts of blood and gore feature in the kill scenes usually ending in a shot of a blood-spurting heart being ripped out of a chest.  In the underwater cavern, there are also some dessicated corpses that resemble the blind templars.  Combined with this is a weirdly Grimm's fairy tale vibe with echoes of the Harryhausen/Schneer  JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS/SINBAD movies.  The movie is really shot beautifully with lots of nice Spanish scenery (masquerading as Germany) and the entire cast is pretty much all excellent.  Screen goddess Helga Liné is always ethereally beautiful and is perfect casting as the mythical Loreley.  'Other' screen goddess Silvia Tortosa is equally beautiful and perfect as the school teacher Elke.  And both women are excellent actresses in their own right.  Tony Kendall (Komissar X himself) is also quite excellent as our hero Sigurd; despite being saddled with a character who sometimes does dumb things.  At all times, Kendall retains his dignity and authority as well as being the requisite 'horn dog' in the part.  

There are major goofy problems with the script including Sigur's ridiculous attitude of hunting a murderous monster named Loreley and falling in love with a woman named Loreley and not questioning anything.  Other characters make ridiciculously stupid decisions i.e. Elke deciding to take a moonlight stroll in the garden in the midst of a murderous monster rampage!  So these dopey doings prevent this from becoming a classic but it is a really fun monster movie in the stylish hands of Amando de Ossorio and for that alone, it's a keeper. 

          

SUBURBAN SASQUATCH {2004}

 "OK, WELL YOU KNOW MONSTERS DON'T REALLY EXIST.  WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND PLAY.  MONSTERS AREN'T REAL; LIKE THE BOOGEYMAN OR YOUR FATHER.  THEY'RE NOT REALLY THERE."

  Q:  What's better than a Bigfoot movie on the Countdown to Halloween?  A:  TWO Bigfoot movies on the Countdown to Halloween!

And here we have a SOV Bigfoot movie (not a found footage movie, thankfully).  The only difference between SUBURBAN SASQUATCH and any late 80's-90's SOV horror movie is the better video/audio quality on this 2004 flick; it looks like it was shot on digital rather than VHS.  The beautiful, slipcovered edition from Visual Vengeance/Wild Eye is something I'm sure the filmmakers never dreamed would come into existence.  But I, for one, am thankful it has.  Unlike many SOV horror movies, there are some bon mots scattered throughout; that quote up above which opens this post, for instance, is what a mother tells her frightened son after he glimpses the killer Sasquatch in the yard.  The glorious special effects of of the BIRDEMIC variety and Sasquatch his or herself (those sculpted nipples leave me guessing) is a full costume with everything except a visible zipper up the back.  The goofiness of the kills is also very much appreciated by this trashy movie fan.  Two fisherman by a stream are accosted by our furry movie star -- the first guy gets his guts ripped out and fed to him by the Sasquatch

. . . then it rips his arm off and whales it at the second fisherman and knocks him into the water.  Brilliant choreography Hermes Pan would've loved.  Sasquatch's roar is a thing of perfection:  RaaaraaaRAAAAR RaaraaRAAAAR!!!  I need it now as my ringtone.  Interestingly, about halfway through the movie, the Sasquatch seems to suddenly gain the ability to teleport or something.  This ain't no ordinary Bigfoot; this is a magical beast!  It can alter reality and walk between the planes of existence.  Don't take MY word for it . . . . Talla says so.    

And I'm not in anyway taking the piss out of this flick.  All this I've mentioned, of course, indicates that SUBURBAN SASQUATCH is certainly a bad movie; and it IS with terrible acting and SPFX that look like they were done on a Commodore 64.  But all this makes for a hell of an entertaining movie.  As long as you go into it with the proper attitude.  Uptight viewers who can't see the charm of such a film and the erstwhile effort involved in creating a zero budget, amateur horror movie need not waste their time.  But this here viewer enjoyed the hell out of this one!  Of course, this is no ordinary Sasquatch; it likes to eat it's victims.  And there are more arms and legs flying through the air than you can count. 

Plus we have a kickass hero in Talla:  a Native American bow-slinging warrior princess (played nicely by Sue Lynn Shanchez) who grandfather sends her on a sacred mission to protect innocent victims from the savage suburban sasquatch.  For an amateur production, this is actually shooting above it's level.  Director Dave Wascavage (who also wrote, edited and photographed the film) shows some talent -- ESPECIALLY with the pacing which doesn't bog down like some other SOV productions.  Wascavage keeps the action occurring with a frequency that prevents boredom from setting in.  The cast of non-actors are also strangely endearing and I kinda loved them all -- even the unnamed Sasquatch fodder.  Points given also for the autumnal atmosphere; the ground is perpetually covered with fallen leaves giving it a September or, dare I say it, OCTOBER atmosphere.  Filmed in the wilds of West Chester, Pennsylvania, SUB SAS features scenes occurring a various fields which really reminded me of similar scenes occurring in the B&W fields of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.  Honestly, there's just so much to love about this little flick.  Wascavage and his motley crew have made a movie that is deliberately meant to be a lot of fun and doesn't take itself seriously.  And that is what makes this such a great watch.  Predictably (and perhaps fittingly), there is a Rifftrax version of SUBURBAN SASQUATCH which nicely appears on the blu ray's special features.  I haven't watched that yet but I will sometime in the future.  But yeah . . . . Talla kicks ass!!!  Finally, if I had to choose one word to describe SUBURBAN SASQUATCH is would be:  lovable.