DON'T LET HER IN (2021)

 WHAT'S IN THESE GREEN SMOOTHIES?  THEY MAKE ME FART LIKE A BUTT TRUMPET! 

Wow, I named a volume of ADVENTURES IN CERPTSLAND "FART LIKE A TRUMPET" before I ever saw this new-ish Full Moon movie from 2021!  But that semi-quote from DON'T LET HER IN makes it seem like another Full Moon goofy-fest and it's not; in fact this is a totally-to-be-taken seriously horror movie by director Ted Nicolaou.  Now, this is the director who helmed no doubt the best Full Moon movies ever made:  the SUBSPECIES franchise.  This here movie has no relation to the SUBSPECIES series but is a stand-alone flick; although the ending leaves a sequel very much a possibility. 

Amber & Ben (Kelly Curran & Cole Pendery respectively) have a loft apartment in L.A. and need some extra bucks so they advertise for a roommate.  A striking young woman named Serena interviews for the room and is quickly accepted as the new roommate.  Ben is a musician, Amber is an artist and Serena is a goth, new-agey, artistic type who sells bowls of crystals, herbs, etc. keyed to the 'souls' of her high-end clients.  Something like that.  Although I have to let Serena know that peacock feathers are bad luck in the house so she should remove that from the "good luck" bowl she gives Amber & Ben as a 'moving in' present.  But I digress as usual.  Things start looking up as Amber gets a high paying gig to do art for Serena's company and Ben gets a music contract and goes off to work on his album/music video.  Could all this have something to do with Serena; who is caught a few times by Amber chanting madly in the the loft space.  Oh yeah, and she climbs on top of Ben in bed and rides him like a bronco while Amber sleeps right next to him.  Hmmm. 

To top that all off, just before Ben 'arrives', Serena transforms into this demon-monster-looking creature. Ah well, Ben takes off and Amber is alone with Serena.  And whaddaya know.  Serena jumps into bed with Amber and gives her as intense a 'Big O' as she gave Ben.  Meanwhile, a long-haired dude is glimpsed hanging around outside their building.  Serena says it's her ex-boyfriend and chases him away.  However, the man is soon back telling Amber that Serena stole something from him -- an ancient stone statue -- and he needs to have it back or else the whole world's gonna fo poof or something to that effect.  Meanwhile, Serena reveals that Amber is now pregnant.  Even though she's on the pill.  All through the movie, Serena makes these green smoothies and she makes Amber drink them but they make Amber feel ill (as well as giving her monstrous gas as previously mentioned.  This is the 15 minutes of the film which REALLY takes it's cue from ROSEMARY'S BABY; right down to the historic old building in which this flick is filmed -- which I'll get to in a minute.  Serena slowly reveals she may not be all she appears and may indeed be possessed by a demon.  

DON'T LET HER IN is a nice departure from the last decade or so of Full Moon movies like GINGERDEAD MAN, KILLJOY, EVIL BONG and the like which I enjoy but aren't really 'horror movies' but horror comedies.  The acting from everyone in the small cast is pretty good and Nicolaou directs a kinda-lightweight but effective script with a sure hand.  There's nothing really new here; from the ROSEMARY'S BABY overtones to the "roommate from Hell" trope but it's all done competently and entertainingly.  This is the film Ted Nicolaou made right before helming the long-awaited prequel to his SUBSPECIES series (which was even better than this movie).  Particularly good is Lorin Doctor as Serena whose only film this appears to be.  Doctor is totally in command of the screen every scene she's in and I would like to see her get more gigs.  Sadly, it looks like she's had nothing else in the last 3 years so that's something I think Charlie Band needs to put right soon.  As mentioned, the loft apartment building used as the setting for the movie is the famed 1908 Starkman Building in Los Angeles which not only is reputed to be haunted but also has been used in films ranging from TERRIFIER, REPO MAN and WISHMASTER 2 to NATIONAL TREASURE and episodes of HOUSE, COLUMBO and IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA.  I can see why because the building oozes atmosphere and is a terrific setting for DON'T LET HER IN.  While no horror masterpiece, I enjoyed this probably more than it deserves but enjoy it I did.

SHARK NIGHT (2011)

 TIME FOR A BIG, DUMB SHARK MOVIE.

  Well, it's not really so big but it IS delightfully dumb fun.  And yes, it was directed by David R. Ellis; the maestro in the director's chair on SNAKES ON A PLANE.  And while SHARK NIGHT isn't nearly as much fun, it's still quite a good time.  A group of college twinks go out to a saltwater lake to have some college twink fun.  They cross paths with a coupla threatening rednecks, a goofy sheriff (wonderfully played by Donal Logue) and, eventually, some sharks in the lake. 

That's about it except for one or two nice little twists I'm not gonna spoil for you.  I mean, there's not a lot more to say about the film.  It's a dopey shark-eating-college-twinks movie and, when that's what you're in the mood for, this one will satisfy that munch.  The soundtrack is filled with hopelessly 2011-era 'rock' songs aside from the prominent placement of Ratt's 'Round and Round' in one crucial scene.  Let that be a lesson to you; don't fill your movie with contemporary unknown pop songs because it'll REALLY date your movie.  And not in a good way.  The cast is fulled with a bunch of 20-something TV actors who all look really good in their swimsuits so there's that; beefcake and cheesecake bods which looks like they'd make a nice meal for a hungry shark.  And they do. 

However, unlike most of these movies, the cast are kinda likeable.  One of the twinks is Katharine McPhee who, I believe, got famous for being on AMERICAN IDOL but she's pretty good in her role as are all the other twinks.  It seems they can all handle the acting chores with which they are tasked and I kinda liked them all.  Then, of course, there's the lovable Donal Logue (most famous lately, probably, for playing Harvey Bullock on GOTHAM) as the beer-drinking, air-guitar-playing Sheriff.  Also in the cast is a pretty unrecognizable Joshua Leonard (from THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT) as a snaggle-toothed redneck!  Wait a minute!  I thought those 3 filmmakers in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT all died out there in the woods?!?!?!  Are you telling me that wasn't real?!?!?!?!  Ah well, the dopey fun in SHARK NIGHT is real and as an empty-caloried shark-gobbling movie, I had fun with it!  Apparently, there's a 3-D version of the film but I only saw it flat and, besides an explosion scenes and multiple shots of open-mouthed sharks zooming towards the camera, the blatant 3-D effects aren't too blatant.  

Halloween, A Romaunt with Lays Meditative and Devotional by Arthur Cleveland Coxe (1818 - 1896)

HERE IS AN EXCERPT FROM ARTHUR CLEVELAND COXE'S 1845 POEM:

              VI.

The Autumn wind—oh hear it howl!

Without—October’s tempests scowl,

As he troops away on the raving wind!

And leaveth dry leaves in his path behind!

        Without—without,

        Oh hear him shout,

  He is making the old trees bare;

        Oh cruel, he,

        To the old oak tree,

  And the garden hedge so fair!

Oh, a wild and tyrannous king is he,

When he playeth his frolic in every tree,

  And maketh the forest bare!

 

             VII.

I know that a tyrannous rod is his,

  When he maketh the forest bow;

But worse, far worse are his tyrannies,

  For he tameth the spirit now!

        Without—without,

        Oh hear him shout,

            October is going away!

’Tis the night—the night

Of the grave’s delight,

    And the warlocks are at their play!

Ye think that without,

The wild winds shout,

    But no, it is they—it is they!

             VIII.

The spirits are pulling the sere dry leaves,

  Of the shadowy forest, down;

And howl the gaunt reapers that gather the sheaves,

  With the moon, o’er their revels, to frown:

To-morrow ye’ll find all their spoils in your path,

  And ye’ll speak of the wind and the sky;

But oh could ye see them to-night, in their wrath,

  I ween ye’d be frenzied of eye!

 

             IX.

There is a world in which we dwell;

And yet a world invisible!

And do not think that naught can be,

Save only what with eyes ye see;

I tell ye, that, this very hour,

Had but your sight a spirit’s power,

Ye would be looking, eye to eye,

At a terrific company!

A thousand shapes are at your side,

A thousand by your bed abide,

A thousand, hellish demon sprites,

That bend ye to their foul delights;

And ye are, every day, the hand,

The tool of an infernal band,

That with you dwell,—are one with you,

And govern ye in all ye do,

Save, when ye live in prayer, or hear

A silent whisper in your ear,

From one,—your friend in heav’n and earth,

The guardian angel of your birth.

THE GREAT SATAN (2018)

 "PAY ATTENTION AND NOTICE THE REVERSE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS NORMAL BECOMING ABNORMAL."

  That's pretty much a perfect description of this movie cut together by the "EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE found footage collective".  As with their previous EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE:  THE MOVIE, EIT has edited together thousands of clips from forgotten VHS tapes as well as movie and television clips to give us 72 minutes of fun with the Devil.   

And you would also be correct in deducing that this is, in fact, a Video Cerpts tape decades after I created it.  If you don't know what a Video Cerpts tape is (and no one but my doddy Cheeks does), then I can only say the angels weep for you.  In 1987, I created the first Video Cerpts VHS tape combining clips from all sorts of TV and movies and the whole world subsequently bowed at my feet.  Now, EIT is doing a tighter edit job doing virtually the same thing and I applaud them for carrying on my legacy.  The fact that, in this instance, they have created a movie starring the prince of darkness is neither here nor there.  All those 'satanic panic' and 'devil cult' horror movies are perfect for Halloweeny watching and that's why I've chosen this movie for today's post.  And yes, this movie pretty much depicts the Devil and all his minions as 'weenies' as well as those Bible-thumpers who saw Satan behind every bush.  I don't know which group is sillier. 

Thankfully, we don't have to choose between them as both groups are shown in all their silly glory.  We get direct-to-VHS Christian videos telling us how the entire 'younger generation' is worshipping the Devil as well as so-called 'New Age' videos depicting suburbanites trying to raise Old Scratch.  Combine these with all those horror movie clips and it's a hollerin' good time.  There's a clip of a guy in a forest ranger outfit standing out in the woods in front of a "Yellowstone Satanist Park" sign saying "I haven't found any yet but I KNOW they're out here!".  Another clip refers to the Devil as "The horn-headed dude in the red pajamas".  Then there's a clip from an apparent superhero show starring 'Bibleman'!  This is great stuff and edited together for maximum fun. 

I spotted clips from such movies as END OF DAYS, THE GINGERDEAD MAN, THE EXORCIST III, DOGMA, MICHAEL, DEMONS, DEMONS 2, DARK CITY, various NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET films, THE CREEPS, ZOMBI, THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, BATMAN (1989), DOLLY DEAREST, SCANNERS, HAXAN, KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK, SPOOKIES, ICE CREAM MAN, THE GATE, EVILSPEAK,  THE NINTH GATE, THE CRAFT, LEGEND, THE DEVIL RIDES OUT, THE COMPANY OF WOLVES and many more.  As a Video Cerpts Daddy, this is my jam!  This is one of those movies, like a trailer compilation, that would be perfect to put on in the background during a Halloween party. 

 

WEEDJIES! HALLOWEED NIGHT (2019)

PART OF CHARLES BAND'S ILL-FATED DEADLY TEN. 

Full Moon and Charles Band announced a slate of 10 motion pictures they were going to produce and release as "Charles Band's THE DEADLY TEN" but I think only 5 were actually made and released due to the sudden pandemic which put the skids on those audacious (and warmly anticipated) plans.  The good news is that we DID get such fun films as BLADE: THE IRON CROSS and the quite excellent BLOOD RISE:  SUBSPECIES V.  And this one.  WEEDJIES is heavily into the silly tradition of such Full Moon opuses (op-I?????) as the EVIL BONG or GINGERDEAD MAN movies.  Charles Band's love of (not-so-)small puppet creatures is once again mixed with the rather substantial (now) Full Moon sub-genre of Mary Jane movies for this absolutely bonkers entry in the Full Moon canon.  

Three broke college girls -- Madison (Brett Hargrave), Dallas (Victoria Strange) and Frankie (Y aka Yo Ying) along with nerdy tag-along Claude (Johnny Jay Lee) -- plan on throwing an admission-only 4/20 Halloween party in a haunted hotel.  Science nerd Claude has bred a softball-sized giant bud they like to call 'The Golden Nug' which they hide somewhere in the hotel and make it the prize of a scavenger hunt.  The party is inundated with Halloween-costumed revellers (including Diana Prince aka Darcy the Mail Girl from JOE BOB'S LAST DRIVE-IN, filmmaker David DeCoteau and even Coolduder puts in an appearance ffs!!!).  Meanwhile, the creepy Baron Samedi-esque 'Baroness'  (Denise Milfort) pulls out her awesome-looking Ouija Board

and has the quartet play; the mere act of which causes a passel of wacky puppet creatures called the Weedjies to materialize and cause mayhem in a very GREMLINS manner.  The Weedjies here are bigger than those creatures seen in the PUPPET MASTER or DEMONIC TOYS films; giving them more of a MUPPET MOVIE vibe. 

Also released is the Ganja Ghost (James Adam Tucker) who advises that "You mess wit da Weedjies, they mess wit YOU!".  Yes, the Ganja Ghost is a Rastafarian.  Once the weedjies are released from the board, the four college stoods must catch them and put them back in the board before Halloween night is over or else the weedjies will remain on earth causing chaos and destruction.  Besides that, though, if the weedjies aren't put back in the board by midnight, the 4 college stoods will be trapped inside the board themselves!  Of course, there's absolutely nothing new here but really a movie comprising most of Full Moon's greatest hits. 

Sometimes that is literal as in the costume party scene where we see several Full Moon monsters such as the aforementioned Blade, Pinhead, Evil Bong and Gingerdead Man as partygoers.  And yes, the Weedjies are EXTREMELY reminiscent of GREMLINS in their antics although, of course, they are MUCH more raunchy -- this being a Full Moon film and all.  Oddly, whereas the Weedjies first appear about the same size as Gremlins - one eats its way out of a cake box -- sometimes they appear the size of a child -- i.e. when the Wolf Weedjie rides a tricycle down the Las Vegas Strip -- and sometimes they appear full-sized as a man in a monster suit -- i.e. when one is scratching records on a full-sized turntable.  I don't know if they have the power to change their size or else continuity isn't really a priority in this movie.  Of course, it doesn't need to be in such an over-the-top free-for-all.  I mean, this is really a live-action cartoon; said Wolf Weedjie bangs his head into a dumpster and knocks himself out to the sound of tweety birds on the soundtrack.  Your enjoyment of this film is directly proportional to your tolerance for similar Full Moon fun fests.  This one, for me, was a lot of fun.  In the immortal words of Ganja Ghost:  "Happy Halloween, hope you have!"

Famous Graves of HORROR ICONS

I've been a fan of the Hollywood Graveyard youtuberz channel for years now (because OF COURSE I have) and just in time for Halloween, Arthur Dark has posted this special on horror icons!  Go subscribe to his incredibly fantastic channel!

THE MEZZOTINT (2021)

 A GHOST STORY FOR CHRISTMAS. . .OR RATHER HALLOWEEN.

  This was another Mark Gatiss written and directed yuletide terror tale based on the works of M.R. James which he's been doing and it's a pretty good one.  Following THE TRACTATE MIDDOTH, THE DEAD ROOM and MARTIN'S CLOSE -- all of which range from good to very good -- this is a really nice little presentation of the classic ghost story by the master ghost story writer himself.  If you're not familiar with James' short story, THE MEZZOTINT is a type of engraving which depicts the outside of an English country house. 

This engraving or mezzotint comes into the possession of Edward Williams (Rory Kinnear); one of M.R. James' parade of academics who slowly begins to notice that the picture keeps changing.  First a full moon appears where none was before.  Then a figure can just be glimpsed partially obscured behind a foreground object.  Then the eerie figure can be seen crawling across the lawn towards the house and, eventually, the figure is gone but a ground floor window is suddenly seen to be open.  The skeletal 'thing' seems to have entered the house!  The next time we see the picture change, the skeletal figure is seen leaving the house carrying a baby in it's arms.  Williams meets a woman named Mrs. Ambrigail (the wonderful Frances Barber)

during his research and he tells her that his grandpappy was illegitimate; his birth certificate had 2 last names on it -- Williams and Francis.  Later on, Mrs. Ambrigail turns up some facts about a country toff named Arthur Francis who had a poacher named Gawdy executed for trespassing.  Later on, Francis' only heir -- a little baby -- was carried off in the night by a friend of Gawdy's as an act of revenge.  I mean, it MUST have been a FRIEND of Gawdy's. . . . since Gawdy was dead, right???  Of course, we've all filled in the gaps here, haven't we?  That Edward Williams is actually the last living descendant of  Mr. Arthur Francis.  Uh oh!  I don't think this will end well.  Mark Gatiss' adaptation of the classic ghost story is, I think, one of the most effective of the 4 I've seen; equal to the terrific TRACTATE MIDDOTH and better than the other two.  The creepy feeling of dread is well conveyed by Gatiss' direction and the performance of Rory Kinnear who is slowly shaken by the encroaching supernatural doings.  Frances Barber only has two scenes as Mrs. Ambrigail but she shines in both of them and you can't take your eyes off her!  The final scary payoff is quite effective as well.  All these "GHOST STORIES FOR CHRISTMAS" have actually nothing to do with the holiday season and are perfect for Halloween viewing.   

THE HOUSE OF LOST SOULS (1989)

 "THERE'S HOMEMADE GRAPPA IN THE BAR AND, IF ANYONE'S HUNGRY, WE'VE GOT THE BEST PIZZA AROUND!  FILL 'ER UP?" 

Ah, the utter joy of Italian horror ESPECIALLY directed by the unhinged Umberto Lenzi and ESPECIALLY when it's also known as GHOSTHOUSE 3 (a sequel in nothing else but name and consummate goofiness) and ESPECIALLY when including as one of the 4 films in the supposed-to-be made-for-Italian-TV "HOUSES OF DOOM" series that they crazily got Lucio Fulci and Umberto Lenzi to direct and then were surprised when the resulting movies were much to bloody, gory and violent to be shown on telly!!!!  And hoooooo boy, does anyone else remember those Vipco Screamtime DVD's from the UK?  All 4 of these films were only available on those and, I think, the "BEYOND TERROR" line of UK dvds; BEYOND TERROR is where I bought my dvd copy of SPOOKIES when it wasn't available in the USA.  Now, the wonderful people at Cauldron Films have released all 4 films in a beautiful HOUSES OF DOOM box set and it just popped up on my tomb step today.  Well, yesterday.  But I had to have time to watch this film before I could post about it, didn't I?

If you've ever seen Lenzi's GHOSTHOUSE, it's a goofy-as-hell haunted house movie and, as I said, this apparently was sometimes known as GHOSTHOUSE 3 aka LA CASA 3.  I don't know what GHOSTHOUSE 2 was supposed to be.  Wait a minute.  A search of letterboxd brings up . . . no . . . . it couldn't be!  EVIL DEAD II?!?!?!?!?  Wow, those Italians will slap ANY sequel name on ANY movie, won't they?  Anyhow, the goofy factor is just as present in THE HOUSE OF LOST SOULS as in those other two magnum Opies.

Sorry about that.

A group of 'geologists' are stranded in the middle of nowhere and decide to spend the night in some remote dilapidated joint called 'The Hermit Hotel'.  Sounds like a plan.  We're lucky enough to have one of the geologist's annoying little brother along for the ride too.  Sorry, it's not 'Bob', though but he's still annoying.  When they get to the hotel, it's got a closed sign hanging on it but the 'cast of exciting young people' see a light and a man inside the doorway and plead with him for some rooms for the night.  The man nods in agreement and lets them in; comfortingly the man never utters a word.  When our leading lady Carla and her little brother Brat get to their room, Carla comically runs her hand across a desk covered in dust; although it looks more like someone emptied an entire pound of sawdust on it!  The calendar in the room is from 20 years ago and August 24th is circled.  Nothing suspicious about that.  Cue the thunderstorm!  Quick shot of the outside of the motel with what must be a garden hose pouring water in front of the camera lens.  Carla can't sleep. 

She watches as the cobweb-enshrouded hanging light creakily sways.  Ghostly moans echo from a distance as Carla leaves her room and goes a-roaming throught the needs-to-be-condemned hotel.  Sounds like ANOTHER great plan!  She goes down to the cellar (because OF COURSE she does) and an unplugged TV comes to life showing an axe-wielding maniac killing some people.  The murder scene must've been shot by the ghost of Karl Freund because it features multiple angle shots used when the 3-camera setup was pioneered by the veteran cameraman for I LOVE LUCY!  Nice one, ghosts!  Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't show exciting camerawork.  The TV explodes, Carla screams, and everybody rushes to the cellar to see what's wrong.  Everyone except Guido's girlfriend Mary who had her Sony Walkman orange headphones on and didn't hear anything. 

She, of course, goes wandering off by herself looking for Guido .  She ends up, of course, in a kitchen when a pus-ridden zombie arm pushes her into a meat freezer and locks her in; leaving Mary alone inside with some rotting corpses hanging on meathooks.  OK, so we're a little over 20 minutes in and I'm FULLY on board!  While all this is going on, Brat is awakened by blood dripping from aforementioned swinging light fixture.  This isn't enough, of course, so Lenzi also covers the brat's bedcovers with tarantulas!  Brat's terrified screams bring everyone running back up from the cellar and they find the kid not breathing.  Massimo gives Brat CPR and he wakes up.  No dripping blood.  No tarantulas.  Must've been just a nightmare.  Guido finally notices Mary is missing and tells Massimo to help look for her.  Massimo encounters a rocking chair rocking by itself.  Guido & Massimo find Mary in the freezer and bust her out; 5 minutes from being frozen solid.  There are, of course, no corpses hanging from meathooks when they get there.  Massimo does notice the chains hanging from the ceiling of the freezer are swaying.  Massimo gets a close-up so we can see his dreamy eyes.  Did I mention this movie isn't even a half hour in yet?  Oh, I forgot to mention that Carla is psychic and has visions.  The next day Carla starts seeing the same ax-murders in her visions as she did in that exploding TV set.  Of course, 20 years before the owner of the hotel was arrested for murdering his hotel guests for their money; ha, shades of H.H. Holmes!   Anybody smell a cursed building, folks? 

Ghostly murdered kid lures Brat upstairs to the . . . . laundry room (?) where a washing machine . . . . there's no other way to say this . . . attacks him!  And I mean ATTACKS him.  I'm gonna perhaps drop a spoiler here but it's frankly too good to keep to myself and if this doesn't make you crawl around the floor bumping into yourself to watch this movie, I don't know what will!.  Besides exploding in Brat's face, the washing machine starts moving across the floor towards Brat, pushes Brat's head inside the washer and decaps him!!!  Pure gold!  I mean, the annoying brat gets offed FIRST.  That's value for money.  Lenzi is a maestro and I worship at his blood-soaked altar!  Seriously, decapped by a washing machine.  I can't find enough words of praise for it!  No matter what happens from here on out, this movie can do no wrong.  The carnage continues and the movie is only 87 minutes long so what's not to love?  I could also mention the gorgeous photography featuring sumptuous greenery in the outside scenes.  But man, a kid gets his head chopped off by a washing machine.  I mean, what else is there to say? 

THE SPIRIT IS WILLING (1967)

 "THE FIRST PICTURE TO FACE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF OUR TIME:  THE SEX LIFE OF GHOSTS!"

  Yes, this is the tagline for the movie poster of William Castle's THE SPIRIT IS WILLING.  I was totally unaware of this film amongst William Castle's filmography and I have to say I'm pretty familiar with William Castle's filmography so I was taken by surprise at this relatively unknown William Castle flick when it was released on blu ray by the now-defunct Olive Films. 

This is one of those horror-comedies which were pretty common around this same time in the 1960's a la THE GHOST & MR. CHICKEN, THE COMEDY OF TERRORS and Castle's own THE OLD DARK HOUSE remake.  In fact, THE SPIRIT IS WILLING shares a composer with the Don Knotts film:  the great Vic Mizzy who was responsible for the magnificent score to THE GHOST & MR. CHICKEN as well as THE ADDAMS FAMILY TV show.  The film starts out in late 1800's New England with a sea captain named Ebenezer Twitchell (Robert Donner) being coerced by a rich shipping magnate (played by Nestor Paiva) into marrying his homely daughter Felicity (Cass Daley).  When the old man dies, all his riches and fleet of ships will be Ebenezer's.  The sea captain grits his teeth and marries Felicity but, on their wedding night, he is enticed into the bed of the chambermaid Jenny (Jill Townsend).  Felicity axes both of them with a butcher knife and, before he dies, Ebenezer chops Felicity as well leading to three ghosts haunting the seaside mansion. 

Cut to the present day (1967 anyway) when Mr. & Mr. Ben and Kate Powell (Sid Caesar and Vera Miles ) and their teenaged son Steve (Barry Gordon) rent the house.  When they arrive early and find the door unlocked, they are greeted by an axe-wielding housekeeper Ms. Tritt (the great Mary Wickes) who thinks they are intruders.  Knowing the history of the haunted house, Tritt wishes them good luck and races away on her bicycle (on sped-up film -- a common 'horror-comedy' trope used in pretty much all of these sixties horror-comedies a la the Keystone Kops).  Steve is a typical teenager in that he's constantly grumpy, miserable and mad at the world.  "When he was a baby, he was SO sweet," laments Kate. "He also used to throw up quite a bit!" Ben retorts.  "Let's face it, sweetheart, we spawned a lemon!"  When Steve is alone, a kitchen door constantly opens and a pot flies across the kitchen smashing a window.  Steve's parents, of course, blame the boy and leave to go food shopping. 

While alone in the house, the three ghosts start causing havoc throwing things at each other.  Steve comes into the living room and can actually see the ghosts; they even start hurling breakables at him!  The ghosts, you see, can manifest as physical, corporeal entities.Knowing this is a mid-60's horror comedy, you pretty much get the picture already, I'm sure.  However, there's a little twist here which is somewhat surprising.  You remember that it was Ebenezer & Felicity's wedding night when he jumped in bed with the maid and then all three were killed.  Before any hanky panky was had by any of them.  So the three ghosts are all horny as all get-out!  The ghostly maid, during the throwing fight in the living room, actually makes a pass at soon-to-be 16 year old Steve.  And soon-to-be 16 year old Steve is probably so grumpy because his hormones are obviously going berserk right about then.  So the whole haunted house is fueled by sexual energy.  This is a goofy 1967 horror comedy and that's the basis of it's plot.  Huh.  That's kinda different.  So I'm guessing this is why (besides being murdered) the ghosts are so hostile and violent.  Blue balls.  On top of everything else, Ben & Kate are apparently not having any 'connubial fulfillment' because of Ben's bad back.  So nobody's getting any in this house -- alive OR dead!   

Rich Uncle George (veteran character actor John McGiver) arrives and has Steve look out the window at his yacht anchored in the ocean outside.  The yacht is an actual photograph cutout pasted on a backdrop of the sea like something out of BIRDEMIC!!!  Absolutely priceless!!!  Uncle George asks Steve "Whatcha gonna be when your brains straighten out?".  I gotta say, there's a lot of pretty good one liners in this movie.  There are also a TON of great character actors you've seen a million times including the aforementioned Barry Gordon (who by law I think was required to appear in every TV show during the 1970s), Robert Donner (everything from CHISUM, HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER and RIO BRAVO to VANISHING POINT), Cass Daley (STAR SPANGLED RHYTHM, CRAZY HOUSE and DUFFY'S TAVERN), John McGiver (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE), JESSE WHITE (the long-time Maytag Repairman), Doodles Weaver (of Spike Jones & His City Slickers as well as IT'S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD), Mary Wickes (SIGMUND & THE SEA MONSTERS, SISTER ACT and THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER), Jay C. Flippen (Kubrick's THE KILLING, WINCHESTER '73 and THE WILD ONE), Harvey Lembeck (as beatnik biker Eric Von Zipper in the Annette Funicello/Frankie Avalon BEACH PARTY movies), John Astin (Gomez Addams himself) and Byron Foulger (from countless poverty row horror movies like THE BLACK RAVEN, THE MAN THEY COULD NOT HANG, MAN MADE MONSTER, HOUSE OF HORRORS and the aforementioned-in-this-Halloween-Countdown THE DEVIL'S PARTNER).  

So these three ghosts aren't confined to the haunted house, either.  When Steve go to spend the night on Uncle George's yacht (captained by Harvey Lembeck), the ghosts follow them aboard and cause havoc on the boat; so much that they actually sink it!  In town, Steve meets a young lady named Priscilla Weems (also played by Jill Townsend) who is a relation of the ghostly chambermaid and something of a seance-practitioner.  She takes Steve to the graves of the three ghosts and communicates with them.  The ghost of Felicity tells her that, if he wants her to 'lay off', Steve will have to get her some little things she wants:  silk panty hose, a new nightgown, lipstick, perfume, nail polish and a "high gloss lacquer deodorant spray with a five day guarantee".  Steve asks his parents to throw him a 16th birthday party that's nautical-themed and to invite their bachelor friends from New York; this hopefully will appease the ghost of Felicity enough to stop the ghostly violence.  This and the feminine items Steve agrees to buy for the ghost.  Of course, Steve's purchase of all these items makes Uncle George think he's gay so he calls in a psychiatrist (played by John Astin) to check him out at the party.  Ben goes to the library to research ghosts and meets librarian Carol Weems (AGAIN played by Jill Townsend) who tells him "There will never be peace in that house until Felicity finds a man; thus freeing Jenny and Ebenezer".  After being attacked by Felicity in the basement, Kate is knocked out and Uncle George drives her to town to see a doctor.  On the way, Kate sees Ben coming out of the library with Carol and assumes he's having an affair. 

So yeah, the solution to all the haunted house troubles is that everybody needs to get laid!  The psychiatrist comes to the party and comes on to Steve to see if he gets a reaction. Uncle George asks the psychiatrist is the boy is going to grow up to be a marine of a WAC.  Then the ghost of Jenny comes to the party pretending to be Priscilla and hops into bed with him; so Steve starts his 16th birthday with a bang.   This is a puff of fluff of a 'horror/comedy' that is just interesting and entertaining enough to be worth a watch.  The sex angle is something new and the mountain of great character actors carry the movie.  Barry Gordon is really the star of the film with Sid Caesar and Vera Miles really supporting cast and Jill Townsend is spectacularly good in her three roles bringing a sexiness and wit to the parts.  This was her first movie role before appearing in such films as the terrific Oliver Reed actioner SITTING TARGET and the Sherlock Holmes vehicle THE SEVEN PER-CENT SOLUTION before making her final film in 1980:  the Bram Stoker adaptation THE AWAKENING with Charlton Heston.  Townsend had a great screen presence and it's surprising she didn't do more movies.  So yes, THE SPIRIT IS WILLING is worth a watch if you're in a good mood for a light horror/comedy with sexy overtones.          

"HAVE A HAUNTING HALLOWEEN"

1976 DC COMICS HALLOWEEN HOUSE AD 

MONSTERS YOU NEVER HEARD OF by Daniel Cohen

HEY, ANOTHER DANIEL COHEN BOOK HITS THE HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN!

  I forget if it was last year or the year before (or both) in the Countdown to Halloween that I talked about some Daniel Cohen books.  For those who are uninitiated, Cohen wrote probably 100s of books mainly for kids and young adults about various thangs scary; from horror movie monsters to ghost legends and everything in between.  This here book I dug out is sort of about cryptids before the word cryptids was a thing.  The OG book was published in 1980 but the paperback I have is the 4th printing from 1986 (I think).  Anyway, it has this cover which is better than the original cover artwork, in my humble.  So yeah, that's my cousin the good ol' Jersey Devil there on the cover and it's a rather fine likeness, if you ask me. 

So Cohen takes this slim paperback (a mere 97 pages with illustrations yet) to focus on those monsters less talked about; he has OTHER books discussing things like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.  Here Cohen focuses on what we would now probably call cryptids.  Starting with the Jersey Devil (definitely a cryptid), Cohen moves on to the early Victorian-era terror of London called Spring-Heeled Jack (not really a cryptid but I'm not sure what you'd call him -- an urban legend perhaps?).  Spring-Heeled Jack has long been a favourite of mine ever since I first read about him in one of Robert Cahill's books.  Next is a chapter on "Phantom Animals" which is kinda less interesting to me; such things as the Phantom Puma and other large cats seen mainly in England as well as . . . kangaroo encounters in Chicago (!).  "The Hairy Hands of Dartmoor" get the next chapter and that is something I first heard about, I think, in a BBC radio play of the same name; a long, deserted road in Dartmoor finds motorists encountering the hairy hands which suddenly appear and grab the steering wheel causing them to crash.  Demon Dogs is the next chapter featuring countless 'black dog' legends as well as mention of the Sherlock Holmes story "HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES".  Following that chapter is "Big Big Birds" focusing mainly on the native American legend of the Thunderbird.  "The Dover Demon" gets his chance to shine and he is DEFINITELY a cryptid; a big-headed spindly-bodied creature who sure looks like your typical denizen from a flying saucer.  Next is a chapter on "The Biggest Snake"; mainly about anacondas -- followed by the very odd Tazelworm (a lizard sorta creature with 2 legs) which I never heard of before reading Daniel Cohen's book.  Cohen wraps up his slim paperback with a chapter on "Goatmen and Grunches"; relatives of the satyr Pan.  All Daniel Cohen books, whether I read them as a kid (and a read quite a few of them then) or am just catching up with them now, are like a cuddly blanket of nostalgia for me and this one was no exception.  Boy, for my 70's childhood when all things spooky were widely available to we creepy kids.  Ain't like boring nowadays?     

THE LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET (1973)

 "THESE PARTIES GET TO BE SUCH A DRAG AFTER A WHILE." 

Yep, that's what a character says in the movie and, I think, that's what director/actor/screenwriter/producer/editor Roger Watkins is trying to get across in this flick.  When the same guy, a purveyor of trashy flix, screens one his films his companion looks at the washed-out B&W image and scoffs "That's SOME exposure" to which our filmmaker replies "Well, haven't got the money to reshoot".  Both of these quotes, I think, really describe this film: a no-budget, overdubbed mess that probably has something to say but just doesn't have the money or talent to do it well.  Roger Watkins, by all accounts, HATED making porn flicks but made several.  In fact, the version of THE LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET I watched was a scratched-up special feature on Vinegar Syndromes blu-ray of a Watkins porn called CORRUPTION.  When I found out LAST HOUSE was a hidden easter egg on the blu ray, I bought it for that alone.  I'm not sure if VS ever got around to issuing a remastered, beautiful print of LAST HOUSE on blu-ray but I think I'd rather have this one; washed-out, scratched-up print that is the essence of 42nd Street.  A pristine print of LAST HOUSE wouldn't be right, somehow.  

The premise of the film is that a recently released from prison Terry Hawkins (Roger Watkins himself) is mad at the world and decides to get his revenge by making snuff films.  Inside that skeleton of a plot is a lot of weirdness that could only exist in a grimy little early-70's horror movie tailor-made for the grindhouses of 42nd Street!  The aforementioned B&W film that is shown has a huge amount of grunge on the bottom of it's frame; obviously added deliberately to up the grime factor.  This perplexed filmmaker with the boring B&W film is named Jim Palmer and he just doesn't understand that sex doesn't sell anymore.  Palmer is showing this B&W film while his wife is being whipped in the next room wearing nothing but her undies and (believe-it-or-not) extreme blackface!  In front of an entire party full of people.  And no, I don't know why this scene is included. . . other than to demonstrate how jaded the modern (1970s) world has become.  He wants to make films that are 'real'; so killing people on camera is the ultimate in 'real' for Hawkins.  

Meanwhile, Hawkins is busy making his more disturbing films featuring a guy in what looks like a Greek God mask from a production of ANTIGONE as well as Hawkins (and others)himself wearing one of those creepy, clear make-up faces mostly remembered from ALICE, SWEET ALICE.  The film mostly consists of people talking and the acting here is practically non-existent.  But somehow it works.  Amateur acting done with no live sound and dubbed later is oddly dream-like and that's what this whole weird movie excels in.  I'd say the vibe I got from LAST HOUSE is a little but CARNIVAL OF SOULS and a little bit MESSIAH OF EVIL and a little but DEMENTIA aka DAUGHTER OF HORROR.  Of course, there is also a heavy influence of Herschell Gordon Lewis in the homemade gore effects reminiscent of BLOOD FEAST etc.  Alexander Tarsk is credited as Director of Photography and he actually shows some flair with his shots and compositions.  The sound design is also incredibly odd and contributes to the nightmare quality of the film.  'Musical Supervision' for the bizarre sound design of the film is given to Claude Armand -- but I suspect Watkins might be behind that as well since it's so weird.  Somehow the endless inept dialogue is NOT boring but weirdly fascinating and the sex scenes are deliberately NOT sensual but ugly; displaying Watkins' obviously dislike.  And the lead performance by Roger Watkins here is strangely both inept and perfectly-cast; his nihilistic attitude may be a little more ingrained in the actor/director that just playing a character.  The fact is that the film gets a lot less interesting when Watkins is not on the screen; he's something of a skid row Orson Welles, I guess.  Can't deny he has incredible screen presence.  The whole film really makes you want to take a shower and that's absolutely what Watkins was going for here.  I can't say I give LAST HOUSE a recommend but somehow I enjoyed it in spite of myself.  The gritty point-of-view Watkins is trying to put across succeeds almost perfectly.  And hilariously, after a warped bacchanalia of gruesome gore scenes a voiceover is tacked on at the very end naming Hawkins and all his fellow murderous band and stating "... were all later apprehended and are in the state penitentiary."  That's probably the funniest part of the entire film; a nod to the silly imposition of 'crime does not pay' the Hollywood Hayes Code forced on filmmakers back in the day which were now being relaxed in the early 1970s.  Watkins' final joke on his audience.

  

ONYX THE FORTUITOUS AND THE TALISMAN OF SOULS (2023)

 "WHEN IN DOUBT, SKEWER IT OUT!"

 

Another horror movie from last year, this one is a horror-comedy which accomplishes the rare result in being very funny as well as having a great plot, great acting and great directing.  Onyx's frequent muttering of "I dunno" is kinda how I felt while watching this:  I dunno how this movie could be so good!  No less an authority than the god-like Joe Lynch said on his letterboxd review of this movie that ". . . this is kinda what I wanted KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM to be".  Now, I haven't seen the Joe Lynch-directed BADASSDOM yet but he seems to think he failed while directing that movie and wishes it was like ONYX.  Now, I think that's pretty high praise indeed (and also I think Lynch is being too hard on himself since many other reviews I've read have a lot of positive things to say about BADASSDOM).  Ah, but I digress.  Andrew Bowser wrote, directed and stars in the film as Marcus; a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie who works at the fast food greasy spoon the Meat Hut but insists on being called 'Onyx the Fortuitous' and enters a contest run by the satanic superstar Bartok the Great. 

Our 5 Contest Winners

After winning a trip to Bartok's mansion, Onyx meets up with the other 4 contest-winners who are being offered a chance at immortality if they join in His Satanic Majesty Bartok's rituals to raise the demon Abbadon.  Bartok and his delegate Farrah give the 5 peridot amulets to wear (which they must never take off) and test them by having them shed blood over Bartok's demonic grimoire to see if it accepts them.  Each person is accepted because they fulfill a prophesied role corresponding to a page in the satanic 'book of blood'.  I have to say that Bowser is a heck of a writer because not only is the script genuinely funny but also features well-defined and complex characters for every single cast member to play.  And play them they do; to the highest degree of tastiness.  Andrew Bowser as Onyx, with his chipmunk voice and awkward dweebiness is apparently annoying to some viewers but I found him very comical.  The rest of the cast is uniformly excellent.  The 4 other contest winners -- Rivkah Reyes as too-cool-for-school Mack, Terrence 'T.C.' Carson as satan-worshipping teacher Mr. Duke, Arden Myrin as goofy suburban housewife/Satanist Shelley and Melanie Chandra as the sultry Jesminder are all flawless, funny and fleshed-out performances. 

Olivia Taylor Dudley carrying the grimoire

Olivia Taylor Dudley as the green-haired, green-eyed Satanic assistant Farrah is worthy of particular praise as she runs the gamut from dismissive evil to trapped prisoner of Bartok.  And speaking of Bartok, it took me about 20 minutes to realize that he is played by the great Jeffrey Combs; almost unrecognizable with shaved head, eye patch and curly whiskers. 

Combs is having one hell of a time playing the evil satanist but his performance is not campy or thrown-away but also top notch.  And rounding out the cast is a brief appearance by the great Barbara Crampton as Onyx's dissolute-ish mother. 

Barbara Crampton, Andrew Bowser & Jeffrey Combs!

Crampton & Combs together again.  The script by Bowser gives the entire cast tasty lines which contain many in-jokes for those 'in the know' about horror movies.  When kicking Onyx's father out of the house (who is ALSO played by Combs), Crampton can be heard to derisively yell at him:  "Get a job in a sideshow!"  I mean, how priceless is that??!?!?!!!!!  The practical effects by Miles Berwick, Emma Jones & Mariah Keirns are top notch as well. 

Abbadon outside the Meat Hut

Whenever someone is ritually murdered with the 'knife of Dagon', they turn into very BEETLEJUICEY-looking ghouls similar to the guy with his head shrunk in the waiting room in that Tim Burton film.  They are great and goofy-looking which still being a little spooky! 

ONYX THE FORTUITOUS AND THE TALISMAN OF SOULS was a complete surprise to me.  It was a blind buy and I really had NO clue about anything concerning the film INCLUDING the participation of Combs and Crampton.  Once I watched it, I can't tell you how pleasantly surprised I was at this sorta horror version of MURDER BY DEATH or CLUE.  This is one I'll be watching over and over again!!! 

The nostalgic Sundance Poster