THE RICKY RICKY RICKY TRICKY QUICKIE QUIZ PRESENTS THE ROMPER STOMPER ALBUM COVER STUMPER! You've all rested your brains long enough. So here is a little brain teaser to test your knowledge of album covers. All identifying scratchings have been removed from the covers; all you have to do is tell me whose album it is and what the album's called. Simple, yeah? If you're adventurous, please leave your answers in the comment section. After a decent amount of time, I will post the answers here as well. So in order to avoid any spoilers, get yourself a pencil and paper and write down your answers before looking in the comment section (where the answers will be). Good luck, musicologists.

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FINALLY! CECE PENISTON! Oh. No. Wait a minute . . . FINALLY AT LAST THE SOLUTION TO THE FIVE HOUSES BRAINBUSTER. The answers to the 2 questions are:

QUESTION 1: The Russian drinks diet soda.

QUESTION 2: The American owns a spider monkey.

Here's how they all shook out. The order of the houses appears up top there.

THE YELLOW HOUSE:

Russian man

plays racquetball

owns a camel

drinks diet soda.

THE BLUE HOUSE:

Swede

plays pool

owns a rat

drinks coffee

THE RED HOUSE:

Englishman

plays backgammon

owns a toad

drinks milk

THE WHITE HOUSE:

Italian

plays solitaire

owns a puppy

drinks vodka

THE GREEN HOUSE: American plays charades owns spider monkey

drinks lemonade

When broken down this way, the five houses fulfill all 15 statements. Thanks to everyone who played. I hope you had fun and didn't lose your mind TOO much.

Since there was no winner, the prize (of a kiss from me) will not be awarded. Just a news flash, though: the kiss I was gonna give ya was made by Hershey. So get over your bad selves!

THE FIVE HOUSES: THE RETURN OF THE RICKY RICKY RICKY TRICKY QUICKIE QUIZ. Cerpts that Live in the Past brings you something REAL OLD. Back in April of 1985 (when I was writing the Rustler Newsletter), I put in this brain teaser that ONE of my readers probably remembers (on account-a he's so old too). It was called "The Five Houses". You're pretty good if you can do it in 30 minutes or less. You're going to need a pencil and paper for this one. And whoever gets the correct answer and posts it in the comments FIRST wins a prize: I will give them a kiss! That's right. . .male or female. . .I will give them a kiss! So, now that I've guaranteed NO ONE will try to figure out the puzzle; here it is: You are asked to study the 15 facts below and then answer these 2 questions: 1) Which man drinks diet soda? 2) Which man owns a spider monkey.

There are five houses. In each house lives a man of a certain nationality who has his favourite drink, his favourite game, and his own pet. Every fact must be taken into account to answer the two questions.

1. There are five houses in a row, each having a different colour.

2. The Englishman lives in the red house.

3. The green house is to the right of the white house.

4. The Italian owns a puppy.

5. Lemonade is drunk in the green house.

6. The Swede drinks coffee.

7. The man who plays backgammon owns a toad.

8. The man who plays racquetball lives in the yellow house.

9. The man in the middle house drinks milk.

10. The Russian lives in the first house.

11. The man who owns the camel lives next to the man who plays pool.

12. The man who owns the rat lives next to the man who plays racquetball.

13. The man who plays solitaire drinks vodka.

14. The American plays charades.

15. The Russian lives next to the blue house.

OK, now GO!

THE SECOND ANNUAL "CERPTS AND HONEY POPCORN MOVIE QUIZ"! Yes indeed. It happened last May and it's happening again. Here are 30 quotes from movies old and new. It's your job to tell me what movie it's from (and, for extra credit, the actor who said it) in the comment section. On your marks. Get set. Party.

1) "You stay classy, San Diego."

2) "I think sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little in the end."

3) "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?!?"

4) "Oh, we're going to talk about ME again, are we? Goody."

5) "These pipes go down about thirty feet. If we anchor to them we might have a chance!"

6) "I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery."

7) "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!"

8) "Hey! Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!"

9) "You're just not COUTH!!!"

10) "She doesn't quite chop his head off. She makes a Pez dispenser out of him."

11) "You pink-ass, corrupt honky judge! Take your little wet noodle outta here and if you see a MAN anywhere send him in because I do need a MAN!"

12) "A) You can NEVER go too far. And B) If I'm gonna get busted, it is NOT gonna be by a guy like THAT!"

13) "Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"

14) "Business bad? Fuck you, pay me! Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me! Place got hit by lighting? Fuck you, pay me!"

15) "I'd like to apologize . . . but who to?"

16) "To 1966. The year one!"

17) "I think I'll have a large order of prognosis negative!"

18) "You tell him and I will smack you! I will smack you like a bad bad donkey, okay?!?"

19) "I'll tell you right out, I am a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk."

20) "I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean, a girl just CAN'T go to Sing Sing with a green face!"

21) "Kickboxing. Sport of the future."

22) "Oh for God's sake! He's got an arm off!"

23) "Y'all ain't NEVER got too things that match! Either y'all got Kool-Aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Damn!"

24) "Diabetes! I ought to know better than to hire anybody with a DISEASE!!!"

25) "Jack! Nothing tricky now. You KNOW I'm on top of you. DO NOT attempt to grow a brain!"

26) "Where John made his mistake, I think, was in attaching so much importance to what her mother and I might think; because in the final analysis it doesn't matter a damn what we think. The only thing that matters is what they feel, and how much they feel for each other. And if it's half of what we felt? That's everything."

27) "Can you help a fellow American down on his luck?"

28) "The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly."

29) "Did he tell you exactly what to do? What to say? You were a very apt pupil too, weren't you? You were a very apt pupil!"

30) "You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909."

DISCLAIMER: I would JUST like everyone reading to know that I am WELL AWARE the Tunguska event DID NOT take place in 1909 -- that is an error on the screenwriter's part and I'm just delivering it up to you.

I will post the answers a little later once all my readers sober up some.

THE EITHER/OR QUIZ: You've seen it before but take the quiz that's written by someone who loves you. Me. Here's the drill: Each line will have two things listed with the word "or" between them. It is your job to choose which of the two you prefer/like best. You have to answer every question; even if you despise both choices, just choose the one you despise LEAST. If you absolutely have no idea what either thing is, you get a pass. As always, you can leave your answers as a comment and teacher will grade you. My answers can be found in the comments as well. Have fun. Okey dokey artichokey, here we goesey:

1. Boxers or briefs? 2. Bert or Ernie? 3. Laverne or Shirley? 4. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones 5. Frankenstein or Dracula (the books) 6. Frankenstein or Dracula (The 1931 movies) 7. The Godfather Part I or The Godfather Part 2 8. Star Trek or Star Wars? 9. Alton Brown or Rachel Ray? 10. The Sex Pistols or The Clash? 11. Twister or Independence Day (the movies) 12. Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff? 13. Superman or Batman? 14. The Flintstones or Scooby-Doo? 15. Ella Fitzgerald or Sarah Vaughan? 16. Bath or Shower? 17. Day or Night? 18. Dogs or Cats? 19. Marvel Comics or DC Comics? 20. Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly? 21. The Fantastic Four or The X-Men? 22. The Brady Bunch or The Partridge Family? 23. Spring or Fall? 24. Elmo or Grover? 25. Britney Spears or a kick to the head? 26. Elton John or Billy Joel? 27. Chocolate or Vanilla? 28. Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin? 29. Coke or Pepsi? 30. Cake or Pie? 31. Pen or Pencil? 32. Ralph Waldo Emerson or Henry David Thoreau? 33. Monsters Inc. or Finding Nemo? 34. Baseball or Football? 35. Coffee or Tea? 36. Potato Chips or Pretzels? 37. Pirate or Viking? 38. Gone With the Wind or Casablanca? 39. Little Richard or Chuck Berry? 40. Humphrey Bogart in The Maltese Falcon or Humphrey Bogart in The African Queen?

THE ANSWERS TO THE 2ND MOVIE QUIZ: Here they are. Officially: 1) Bette Davis - Now, Voyager 2) Katharine Hepburn - On Golden Pond 3) Mia Farrow - Rosemary's Baby 4) Barbra Streisand - On A Clear Day You Can See Forever 5) Joan Crawford - The Women 6) Thelma Ritter - All About Eve 7) Bette Davis - Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? 8) Carol Burnett - The Four Seasons 9) Anne Bancroft - Fatso 10) Maria Ouspenskaya - The Wolf Man 11) Lauren Bacall - The Big Sleep 12) Diane Keaton - The Godfather Part 2 13) Pam Grier - Coffy 14) Lillian Gish - Night of the Hunter 15) Isabel Sanford - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner 16) Katharine Hepburn - The Philadelphia Story 17) Rosalind Russell - His Girl Friday 18) Barbara Stanwyck - Double Indemnity 19) Shirley MacLaine - The Apartment 20) Ruth Gordon - Harold and Maude

THE SECOND "CERPTS & HONEY" MOVIE QUIZ!!!! Well, it's here once again. Your chance to guess what movie the quote is from; only this time it's a little different. As Richard Cheese sang in his cover of Nirvana's "Rape Me": "This one goes out to all the ladies!" Yes, these movie quotes are 100% female; spoken by some of the greatest actresses to grace the silver screen. I know, I know, you'll probably be looking for such fine leading ladies as Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears and Katie Holmes but I wanted quotes that contained words of more than one syllable. So .... here they are. Can you be the first on your block to guess them all? What actress said it and in what movie??? Simply leave your answers in my comments. 1. "Oh, Jerry, don't lets ask for the moon. We have the stars." 2. "It's me, you old poop!" 3. "This is no dream! This is really happening!" 4. "MY NAME IS MELINDA!" 5. "And by the way, there's a name for you ladies; but it isn't used in high society . . . outside of a kennel!" 6. "What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end." 7. "But you ARE, Blanche! You ARE in that chair!" 8. "Is this the fun part? Are we having fun yet?" 9. "You ate the ONY!!!!" 10. "The way you walked was thorny through no fault of your own." 11. "I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free." 12. "It was a son, Michael! A son! And I had it killed because this must all end!" 13. "This is the end of your rotten life, you motherfuckin' dope pusher!" 14. "Get your state troopers out here. I got somethin' trapped in my barn." 15. "Civil rights is one thing. This here is something else!" 16. "Oh, we're going to talk about me again, are we? Goody." 17. "I wouldn't cover the burning of Rome for you if they were just lighting it up!" 18. "There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour." 19. "I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery." 20. "You know, at one time I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing ... oh my, how the world still dearly loves a cage."

THE CERPTS AND HONEY POPCORN MOVIE QUIZ! OK movie buffs! Tune in your brainwave frequencies for a challenge!

See if you can name the movie each quote is from. AND for an extra bonus point: who said it in the movie. But I have to warn you; some of 'em are kinda tough. Ready. Then let us begin. 1. "The stuff that dreams are made of." 2. "Is Bismarck a herring?" 3. "It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache." 4. "The calla lilies are in bloom again." 5. "Who's going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow!" 6. "Do sit down, sergeant. Shocks are so much better absorbed with the knees bent." 7. "Practically perfect in every way." 8. "I'm clearin' out the deadwood!" 9. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops!" 10. "Who would want to hurt a little dog?" 11. "I am the bombadier!" 12. "Why don't you pass the time by playing a relaxing game of solitaire." 13. "Light of my life, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your f--king brains in!" 14. "I am big! It's the pictures that got small!" 15. "I had garlic at dinner. I had onions at lunch. But he'll never know." 16. "You know how to whistle, don't you Steve?" 17. "Back and to the left. Back and to the left. Back and to the left." 18. "Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin' arse!" 19. "You were just supposed to blow the bloody doors off!!!" 20. "We all go a little mad sometimes." CLICK ON COMMENTS TO SEE THE COMPLETE ANSWERS!!!

TAKE MY MUSIC QUIZ!: Alright all you slackers, it's time to answer some questions. I got (stole) this idea (and a couple questions)from the new issue of Uncut magazine but the other questions I made up all by my little self. I'll put my own answers after each question and then you can post a comment with your very own revealing answers. So here we go:

1. What's the first record you bought?

Actually, it was The Beatles' Abbey Road.

2. What's the song that reminds you of your childhood?

Um. . .really young, it would be "Sweetie Bear" (shut up!) and a little older it would be "True Love" by Peaches & Herb (my mommy used to sing it to me every night....when she wasn't singing Johnny Mercer's "Ugly Child" to me, that is).

3. What's the first record you remember dancing to?

"I Don't Love You Anymore" by Teddy Pendergrass.

4. The first record you had sex to?

Sadly, there was no music playing. But I think I had a kazoo. . .

5. What's the last album you listened to?

"Discovery" by Daft Punk

6. What's your favourite album?

Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love"

7. What's your favourite song?

"Black" by Pearl Jam. My 2nd favourite song is "A Change Is Gonna Come" though.

8. What song best represents/describes/sums up your current relationship or, if you're not in one right now, your former relationship?

Ooooooo! I would have to say "Storms" by Fleetwood Mac sums it up pretty well.

9. What 3 singers/groups would you cover in honey, bury up to their necks in sand and release the killer ants upon if you had the chance?

Michael Bolton, Creed and Dashboard Confessional. . .in that order.

10. What's your Mom's favourite song?

"Blue Eyes" by Elton John, anything from Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" album, "Look at You Look at Me" by Dave Mason, "Creep" by Radiohead, "Do You Know What I Mean" by Lee Michaels, Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones. . .OK, I'm beginning to think she doesn't know WHAT her favourite song is. My father's is "Gimme Shelter", how bout that???? Hold on, wait a minute! She's got one and she's sure this is her favourite song now: Neil Young's "Harvest Moon".

OK, pals o'mine. Let's here your answers.