-- Rudyard Kipling
Sunday, July 30, 2006
A fool there was and he made his prayer
(Even as you and I!)
To a rag and a bone and a hank of hair
(We called her the woman who did not care),
But the fool he called her his lady fair
(Even as you and I!)
Oh the years we waste and the tears we waste
And the work of our head and hand,
Belong to the woman who did not know
(And now we know that she never could know)
And did not understand!
A fool there was and his goods he spent
(Even as you and I!)
Honour and faith and a sure intent
(And it wasn't the least what the lady meant),
But a fool must follow his natural bent
(Even as you and I!)
Oh the toil we lost and the spoil we lost
And the excellent things we planned,
Belong to the woman who didn't know why
(And now we know she never knew why)
And did not understand!
The fool was stripped to his foolish hide
(Even as you and I!)
Which she might have seen when she threw him aside--
(But it isn't on record the lady tried)
So some of him lived but the most of him died--
(Even as you and I!)
And it isn't the shame and it isn't the blame
That stings like a white hot brand.
It's coming to know that she never knew why
(Seeing at last she could never know why)
And never could understand.
Friday, July 28, 2006
FOODIES, FLOCK TO THE BOOB TUBE! Can it be possible that there's something about being on a diet that causes one to obsess about food. Case in point: I am now going to bring up some episodes of TV shows which revolve around food or meals as the main plot device. Sheesh, this guy needs help. No, what he needs is a Krispy Kreme donut and some puddin'! Be that as it may. If I was going to program a day's worth of food/meal themed TV shows, these are some I would choose. (And feel free to add some of your foodie favourites I most likely missed). So here they are...one episode for every hour in the day...
1. GOOD TIMES (Season 2) "The Dinner Party": Is the meat loaf made by the Evans' elderly neighbour REALLY made out of dog food?
2. GOOD TIMES (Season 3) "Florida's Protest": The meat Florida buys at her local triflin' supermarket appears to be off!
3. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 2): "Edith's Accident": Edith dents a car with a can of Cling Peaches (in heavy syrup!)
4. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 4): "Archie Eats and Runs": Edith makes a beef and mushroom stew and possibly gives Archie food poisoning"
5. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 1): "The First & Last Supper": The Jeffersons invite the Bunkers to dinner...and Archie doesn't want to go.
6. SOUTH PARK: "Scott Tenerman Must Die": This episode climaxes with Cartman's EXTRA SPECIAL recipe for chili.
7. THE HONEYMOONERS: "A Dog's Life": Ralph wants to market "Kranmar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer"; trouble is, it's dog food.
8. TO THE MANOR BORN: "Episode 17": Audrey goes into production with her "Bee-eater's Honey"
9. THE GOOD NEIGHBORS: "Just My Bill": The Goods try to sell their surplus fruits and vegetables....and nobody's buying.
10. FUTURAMA: "The Problem with Popplers": Those popplers are crunchy & delicious...and sadly still alive.
11. FUTURAMA: "The 30% Iron Chef": Bender decides to become a chef and enter a cooking contest.
12. TWO'S COMPANY: "The Take-Over Bid": A married butler/cook team bet they can prepare a better dinner than Robert...and steal his job.
13. FAWLTY TOWERS: "Gourmet Night": Basil decides to host a gourmet dinner night at the hotel
14. M*A*S*H*: "Adam's Rib": Hawkeye has an obsessive craving for barbecue ribs & decides to place a takeout order to Korea
15. ARE YOU BEING SERVED?: "Anything You Can Do": The staff bets they can run the store cafeteria better
16. THE DUCHESS OF DUKE STREET: "A Matter of Honor": A desperate friend of Louisa's begs her to prepare a lavish dinner for friends
17. MURPHY BROWN: "My Dinner with Einstein": Murphy agrees to have dinner with a nerdy scientist
18. THE BOB NEWHART SHOW: "Over the River & Through the Woods aka Moo Goo Gai Pan": A drunken Thanksgiving ordering Chinese food
19. KATE & ALLIE: "The Family Business": Allie goes into the cake baking business
20. KATE & ALLIE: "Kate & Allie Lobster": Kate & Allie attempt to boil some lobsters
21. RISING DAMP: "Food Glorious Food": Rigsby bets he can go without food for 3 days
22. MARY TYLER MOORE: "The Dinner Party": Mary invites a congresswoman to a disastrous dinner party
23. ALL IN THE FAMILY: "No Smoking": Another bet...that Archie can't quit smoking and Meathead can't quit eating
24. THE BOONDOCKS: "The Itis": Granddad opens the only soul food restaurant in Woodcrest...and destroys the town's health.
Anyone care to nominate their own food-focused TV show episode??? I'm gonna go get a snack...
Monday, July 24, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
THE BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER! Thus spake Ern of the new Kevin Smith movie: Clerks 2. And you know what. He's right. It's a hoot and a holler, children. Take the whole family. Especially for the bestiality scene.
But no kiddin' . . . Kevin Smith has redeemed himself after "Jersey Girl" (which, though not QUITE as bad as everyone said it was, STILL pretty much sucked donkey). Clerks 2, on the other hand, is hilarious; and I was prepared for it to be a dog. The movie is actually funny (which is quite a feat for a comedy) while still managing to sneak in some rather poignant moments which avoid becoming saccharine. All in all, I'd say Mr. Smith can continue to make movies as long as he wants; that is, until "Jersey Girl 2" comes out.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
NEW STUFF COMING OUT! NEW STUFF COMING OUT!!! In the next few months there are gonna be some real goodies coming out on DVD -- and you can bet I'm gonna blow my money on them! These are all thangs I've been waiting for and I can't wait to get my greedy little claws on 'em! So here it is: my shopping list for the next few months!
July 25 -
THE BOONDOCKS FIRST SEASON and ANIMANIACS
August 1 -
LET'S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH
August 15 -
THE DUCHESS OF DUKE STREET SERIES TWO
DOUBLE INDEMNITY and THIS ISLAND EARTH
LOST SEASON TWO,
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON 3,
THE BORIS KARLOFF COLLECTION (featuring NIGHT KEY (1937), THE
STRANGE DOOR (1951), THE BLACK CASTLE (1952), THE CLIMAX (1944) & TOWER OF LONDON (1939)),
DOCTOR WHO: INFERNO
September 19 -
THE BOB NEWHART SHOW 4th SEASON (Featuring my favourite the Thanksgiving episode "Moo Goo Gai Pan" which I've been waiting for!)
September 26 -
FRANKENSTEIN: THE TRUE STORY starring Michael Sarrazin
October 3 -
THE LEGENDS OF HORROR COLLECTION (featuring DOCTOR X (1932)/THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939), MAD LOVE (1935)/THE DEVIL DOLL (1936), MARK OF THE VAMPIRE (1935)/THE MASK OF FU MANCHU (1932)
October 31 -
THE VAMPIRE/THE VAMPIRE'S COFFIN double feature (starring German Robles)
November 7 -
DOCTOR WHO: THE HAND OF FEAR
Sunday, July 16, 2006
THE ANSWERS TO THE 2ND MOVIE QUIZ: Here they are. Officially:
1) Bette Davis - Now, Voyager
2) Katharine Hepburn - On Golden Pond
3) Mia Farrow - Rosemary's Baby
4) Barbra Streisand - On A Clear Day You Can See Forever
5) Joan Crawford - The Women
6) Thelma Ritter - All About Eve
7) Bette Davis - Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?
8) Carol Burnett - The Four Seasons
9) Anne Bancroft - Fatso
10) Maria Ouspenskaya - The Wolf Man
11) Lauren Bacall - The Big Sleep
12) Diane Keaton - The Godfather Part 2
13) Pam Grier - Coffy
14) Lillian Gish - Night of the Hunter
15) Isabel Sanford - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
16) Katharine Hepburn - The Philadelphia Story
17) Rosalind Russell - His Girl Friday
18) Barbara Stanwyck - Double Indemnity
19) Shirley MacLaine - The Apartment
20) Ruth Gordon - Harold and Maude
ADVENTURES IN THE THIRD DIMENSION!!!
OK, these are kinda incredible! My old friend Dee Babe sent me these; she's resides over there on the Northwest coast of the country. Now, that's not really a gigantic Cola bottle; it's a 3-dimensional chalk drawing (you know, just like Dick Van Dyke drew in Mary Poppins, dudes). The artist is Julian Beever: he's English but is known for his incredible 3-D chalk drawings all over Europe.
Here he's sailing his little boat. . .but not really; it's just a chalk drawing. He employs a technique in his 3-D drawings in which the drawing appears distorted unless you look at it from a certain angle; then it looks freakin' 3-dimensional!!! Here's an example:
this picture of the nice lady in the swimming pool looks like Julian is actually dipping his toes in the pool (keep in mind that both of his feet are actually touching the pavement). Now, here's the same drawing from the opposite angle;
that huge pink long thang (watch it, you pervs) is her leg. Coolness! Here comes Spider-Man to the rescue where it looks like Julian is balancing on a stack of Jenga bricks!
And down there is a really incredible Batman and Robin in which Julian looks like he's actually perched up on a ledge of a building looking down at the caped crusaders!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
LADIES & GENTLEMEN: FINK'S MOM!!! Yes, there has been another Fink's Mom sighting. Grab your children off the streets and lock your doors!!! These blurry action shots are all that our intrepid cameraman could hurriedly snap before he was attacked from the bushes by Fink's Mom somewhere in the wilds of Souf Joisey!
Here below is a clearer photo of Fink's Mom abducting some poor game show hostess (of course, that's Fink's Mom on the right). Be on the lookout!!! NO one knows where Fink's Mom may strike next!!!! *GASP!*
Friday, July 14, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
MY TOP 25 FAVOURITE BRITISH TV COMEDIES!!!
I've been watching British comedy since I was a little lad and have enjoyed quite a few of them over the years. But these, for better or worse, are my favourites:
1) Monty Python's Flying Circus -- The winner and still champion! Nothing has ever bettered it! Inspired by radio's Goon Show, Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones and Michael Palin blazed the TV trail for British humour as we know it today.
2) Fawlty Towers -- Absolutely brilliant. John Cleese opted to end the series after only 12 episodes but he left us with a comedy masterpiece that reigns as the greatest British sitcom in history!
3) The Good Life -- The "warm and fuzzy" sitcom about a couple who leave the rat race to become self-sufficient. Some might sniff at the high ranking but I find the charm of stars Richard Briers, Felicity Kendal (sigh), Penelope Keith and Paul Eddington combined with genuinely funny situations to be a winning combination. Shown in America as "The Good Neighbors".
4) The Young Ones -- Anarchic punk comedy at it's finest. Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan & Alexei Sayle produced a hit comedy for the MTV generation. And then annihilated it!
5) The Benny Hill Show -- All too often dismissed as low-brow and politically incorrect (both of which ARE true), Benny Hill was also extremely clever and witty. All that is remembered is his ogling women and running around but that was only a small part of his repertoire. He also wrote hundreds of witty (Yes, I said witty) sketches, poems and songs that still hold up as extremely funny. If you don't believe me, you just weren't watching. Benny Hill single-handedly built Thames Television and was a clown/comedian in the classic tradition. I'm really tired of people putting him down. So there!
6) Solo -- After "The Good Life", Felicity Kendal starred in this superb sitcom about a woman who loses her job AND her boyfriend just as she turns 30. Brilliantly written by Carla Lane (who also wrote "Butterflies"), this series was limited to 12 episodes but was memorable nonetheless.
7) Father Ted -- Insane series about a trio of Irish priests who are so inept that they are relegated to the remote, inhospitable Craggy Island. Laugh-out-loud hilarious!
8) Red Dwarf -- The oddest of Britcoms: a science-fiction comedy. This usually unfunny genre works brilliantly (at least until the lackluster final season misstep) as the last human left alive travels thru space with a creature evolved from his cat, a hologram of a dead crewmate and a neurotic android.
9) The Goodies -- this surreal "hippiesque" comedy starred Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden & Bill Oddie in what has rightly been described as a live-action Warner Brothers cartoon in which anything can happen: including a gargantuan-sized cat attacking London in the aptly-titled episode "Kitten Kong"
10) Two's Company -- Elaine Stritch stars as American author Dorothy McNabb who, while living in London, hires a "veddy British" butler played by Donald Sinden. The constant clash of personalities is priceless as America vs England in a no-holds-barred prizefight of a Britcom.
11) Are You Being Served? -- one of those "gently funny" Britcoms I usually don't like but this one has a charm that I can't explain. Not brilliant by any means (in fact usually quite dumb) but I like it. Go fig.
12) Not the 9 O'Clock News -- Hilarious sketch comedy show which featured a very young Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys-Jones poking fun at news programs and life in general. Sort of the British "Saturday Night Live".
13) Absolutely Fabulous -- Patsy and Edina! Brilliant in it's first couple years (but losing some steam in later seasons), this huge hit actually deserved to be so popular. Created by Jennifer Saunders & Dawn French and featuring the showstopping performance of Joanna Lumley.
14) Black Books -- I've only seen the first season of this show (co-created by the creator of Father Ted) but I loved it. Having of late worked in a bookstore myself, I can SO relate! Bernard Black is my new hero.
15) Mr Bean -- This Chaplinesque comedy played mostly silently by Rowan Atkinson is actually quite funny. Black Adder is OK but I prefer Bean.
16) Coupling -- The first two seasons were brilliant. Often called the British "Friends", it's so much more than that. Haven't seen the later ones so I'm basing this on the first two. But WHAT a couple of seasons!!!
17) To the Manor Born -- After "The Good Life", Penelope Keith starred in this "quietly funny" comedy which is also not brilliant by any means but enjoyable nonetheless. Keith plays the lady of the manor who, after the death of her husband, loses the estate to a supermarket magnate. Romantic comedy ensues.
18) Butterflies -- Another extremely well-written Carla Lane series that finds Wendy Craig starring as a bored, neglected housewife who finds the opportunity to have an affair tantalizingly close. Will she or won't she?
19) French and Saunders -- Often hilarious sketch comedy. My personal favourite episode is the one with Alison Moyet.
20) Thompson -- Surprisingly hilarious sketch comedy by future Oscar-winner Emma Thompson.
21) Open All Hours -- Ronnie Barker (of The Two Ronnies) stars as a crotchety small store owner.
22) Yes, Minister -- Very witty depiction of political life in Britain starring Paul Eddington (fresh from "The Good Life") and Sir Nigel Hawthorne.
23) Kelly Monteith -- The oddest thing: an American comedian no one in America has heard of becomes successful in England and gets his own very funny sketch comedy TV show. I particularly remember a hilarious sketch about an airplane trip.
24) Desmond's -- The most successful and best all-black British sitcom is set in a barbershop owned by Jamaican immigrant Desmond Ambrose (Norman Beaton); this show has been described as a sort-of British Cheers. Years ago, BET aired this series in America.
25) The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin -- Leonard Rossiter stars as a sales executive who has something of a nervous breakdown and tries to fake his own death and drop out of the rat race of the business world. Wryly funny!
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