FOG CITY (2023)

 "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH."

  I'm pretty sure that's a line of dialogue from director Steve Wolsh's 2023 epic FOG CITY.  For which he also wrote the screenplay.  I'm pretty sure there isn't a line of dialogue that isn't an incessant whine so I think we're covered with that quote above.  Now, I don't like to trash movies but instead find something good to say about them.  I've never seen any other films directed by Steve Wolsh (of which there are three total) besides this one so I can only go by what I saw here.  And what I saw was really annoying characters incessantly spouting annoying dialogue which gives more ammo to the idea that twenty-somethings are probably the most annoying things on the planet besides infants in movie theatres.  And I think infants whine LESS than twenty-somethings.  There is the old cliche when writing about movies that the characters don't have to be likeable to make a good movie.  And these characters are certainly not likeable.  However, they're not characters either.  They are really just a jumble of twenty-something cliches which go from dumb, self-absorbed sex maniacs to unreasonably panicky and frantically-dumb in the drop of a hat.  So, here's what we have here in FOG CITY . . .

. . . a group of really dumb, really self-absorbed and really oversexed, over-priviledged twenty-somethings (I'm sorry to keep using that term but the 'characters' don't deserve anything else) make their way to a secluded house to par-tay!  One of the characters named Georgia Paige (Victoria Konefal) is the daughter of the local factory owner.  The rumour in the town is that the factory is potentially spewing something bad; anything from normal pollutants to rage virus to zombie-creating gas.  We are never told exactly what the factory makes during the whole movie and it doesn't really matter anyway.  Georgia has a lamborghini (sadly it's yellow so it's hideous - shame about wasting all that money on a yellow lambo) and is alternately ridiculed by the group for being a spoiled rich kid whose father is poisoning the town and accepted amongst the group as their bestie.  I know, this doesn't make sense,  Either she's in good with the group or she's being bullied.  You can't have both.  But this movie does.  And also, for all the complaining the group does about the 'rich girl', they all rock up in brand new expensive vehicles so yeah, you're all overprivileged, spoiled rich kids and you're all obnoxious.  But that's all in the terrible script.  A good cast could possibly rise above such material and maybe make it watchable.  Unfortunately, there is no good cast present.  The downfall of so many modern horror movies (and other movies as well) is the casting of young people who look like models but have zero personality to bring to the proceedings.  All the actors here don't have great Cv's and even the couple of movies I've seen with cast members in them don't stand out to me.  Sadly, these aren't good actors and they project personalities as interesting as a blank sheet of paper.  And the only thing imprinted on that blank sheet of paper is this awful dialogue.  So I can't hold the cast responsible for the terrible lines they are made to say but I can hold them responsible for being bland and unmemorable.  So wait, I still haven't mentioned the plot of the film.  No sooner do they arrive at the remote house than a mysterious orange mist starts creeping up on them.  With really no evidence, they all automatically assume that it's a toxic leak from the factory (the mist is coming from that general direction) and freak out; assuming immediately they're all gonna die or turn into rage zombie or something and they begin duct-taping up all the windows and doors as the orange mist comes closer.  

Now, I am not one of those people that try to figure out what secret twist is going to happen but there is a secret twist in FOG CITY and I kinda knew what it was almost immediately.  I was hoping it wouldn't be that obvious . . . . but it was.  By the end of the film, what I thought would happen did happen.  And it kinda made the whole movie even stupider than it was till that point.  If that's possible.  With me, a movie can be really bad but if it's entertaining and fun, I give it a big pass.  FOG CITY, however, is an annoying chore to get through.  The only good part about it (remember I said I'd try to mention something good????) is the limited edition steelbook which has an awesome 'Welcome To' sign that's almost as big as the steelbook and is an embossed magnet.  And what is the name of the town the movie takes place in?  I saved that for last because the town is called "West Craven".  Ha, you see what they did there?  That's actually the most original, interesting thing in the film.  So hey, at least I got this cool magnet out of the deal. 

I can put my "Welcome to West Craven" magnet on my fridge and not mention what movie it's from.  Now, it truly does make me feel bad when I have to trash a small movie which is not a big Hollywood stinker with tons of bucks thrown at it.  Those big Hollywood turds are what I really like bashing while small films have a lot of good will with me.  But damn, FOG CITY is not good.