ONYX THE FORTUITOUS AND THE TALISMAN OF SOULS (2023)

 "WHEN IN DOUBT, SKEWER IT OUT!"

 

Another horror movie from last year, this one is a horror-comedy which accomplishes the rare result in being very funny as well as having a great plot, great acting and great directing.  Onyx's frequent muttering of "I dunno" is kinda how I felt while watching this:  I dunno how this movie could be so good!  No less an authority than the god-like Joe Lynch said on his letterboxd review of this movie that ". . . this is kinda what I wanted KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM to be".  Now, I haven't seen the Joe Lynch-directed BADASSDOM yet but he seems to think he failed while directing that movie and wishes it was like ONYX.  Now, I think that's pretty high praise indeed (and also I think Lynch is being too hard on himself since many other reviews I've read have a lot of positive things to say about BADASSDOM).  Ah, but I digress.  Andrew Bowser wrote, directed and stars in the film as Marcus; a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie who works at the fast food greasy spoon the Meat Hut but insists on being called 'Onyx the Fortuitous' and enters a contest run by the satanic superstar Bartok the Great. 

Our 5 Contest Winners

After winning a trip to Bartok's mansion, Onyx meets up with the other 4 contest-winners who are being offered a chance at immortality if they join in His Satanic Majesty Bartok's rituals to raise the demon Abbadon.  Bartok and his delegate Farrah give the 5 peridot amulets to wear (which they must never take off) and test them by having them shed blood over Bartok's demonic grimoire to see if it accepts them.  Each person is accepted because they fulfill a prophesied role corresponding to a page in the satanic 'book of blood'.  I have to say that Bowser is a heck of a writer because not only is the script genuinely funny but also features well-defined and complex characters for every single cast member to play.  And play them they do; to the highest degree of tastiness.  Andrew Bowser as Onyx, with his chipmunk voice and awkward dweebiness is apparently annoying to some viewers but I found him very comical.  The rest of the cast is uniformly excellent.  The 4 other contest winners -- Rivkah Reyes as too-cool-for-school Mack, Terrence 'T.C.' Carson as satan-worshipping teacher Mr. Duke, Arden Myrin as goofy suburban housewife/Satanist Shelley and Melanie Chandra as the sultry Jesminder are all flawless, funny and fleshed-out performances. 

Olivia Taylor Dudley carrying the grimoire

Olivia Taylor Dudley as the green-haired, green-eyed Satanic assistant Farrah is worthy of particular praise as she runs the gamut from dismissive evil to trapped prisoner of Bartok.  And speaking of Bartok, it took me about 20 minutes to realize that he is played by the great Jeffrey Combs; almost unrecognizable with shaved head, eye patch and curly whiskers. 

Combs is having one hell of a time playing the evil satanist but his performance is not campy or thrown-away but also top notch.  And rounding out the cast is a brief appearance by the great Barbara Crampton as Onyx's dissolute-ish mother. 

Barbara Crampton, Andrew Bowser & Jeffrey Combs!

Crampton & Combs together again.  The script by Bowser gives the entire cast tasty lines which contain many in-jokes for those 'in the know' about horror movies.  When kicking Onyx's father out of the house (who is ALSO played by Combs), Crampton can be heard to derisively yell at him:  "Get a job in a sideshow!"  I mean, how priceless is that??!?!?!!!!!  The practical effects by Miles Berwick, Emma Jones & Mariah Keirns are top notch as well. 

Abbadon outside the Meat Hut

Whenever someone is ritually murdered with the 'knife of Dagon', they turn into very BEETLEJUICEY-looking ghouls similar to the guy with his head shrunk in the waiting room in that Tim Burton film.  They are great and goofy-looking which still being a little spooky! 

ONYX THE FORTUITOUS AND THE TALISMAN OF SOULS was a complete surprise to me.  It was a blind buy and I really had NO clue about anything concerning the film INCLUDING the participation of Combs and Crampton.  Once I watched it, I can't tell you how pleasantly surprised I was at this sorta horror version of MURDER BY DEATH or CLUE.  This is one I'll be watching over and over again!!! 

The nostalgic Sundance Poster