DEATHMOON (1978)

 "THERE'S A PRETTY GOOD ASSORTMENT OF WAHINIS AT THE POOL TODAY!"

  Hark all ye to the seventies TV movie and bow down!  Here we have a 1970s made-for-TV werewolf movie.  What could be better than that?!?!?  Well, DEATHMOON could, actually.  A cold open features a wacky waikikian cult ceremony by the full moon in which THIS is present: 

Don't ask me, I just work here.  It later turns out to be a mask worn backwards by a 'cult member' so I guess that makes some sense.  Anyway, next we have executive Jason Palmer (Robert Foxworth) vacationing at a hotel  in Hawaii.  A guest's room has been broken into and hotel 'handyman'/security guy Rick (Joe Penny) is asked to sleuth around.  Stewardess Sherry Weston (Debralee Scott) is staying at the hotel on her layover (snicker snicker) and looking for some action.  She did play Hotsie Totsie, after all.  Jason Palmer lounges by the pool and a Hawaiian woman (I'll refrain from using the 'wahini' moniker used in the film) looms over him blocking his sun. 

WHAAAAT?!?  You're HOW old?!?!?

When he opens his eyes, she's not there.  A singer warbles a song she got from Casablanca Records in a 'hula lounge'.  I'm giving you the salient points here, folks; at least judging from all the screen time such stuff gets in DEATHMOON.  Ooo, don't let me forget to tell you about my favourite line of dialogue!  A woman named Diane (Barbara Trentham) asks Jason "And how's the vacation?" and Jason replies, "Oh, very vacating.  I've emptied my mind . . .".  That smooth talker!  There's also a point where Diane admits that she's 30 years old and Jason blurts out "You're not THIRTY!" like he's shocked she's so damn old.  Other than that, chit chat happens amongst the cricket-chirping and frog-croaking sound effects.  But the real upshot of DEATHMOON is that Jason's bloodline has been cursed by the 'natives' (because that's what Hawaiians go around doing, I suppose) that make Jason go all wolfy. 

During the chit chat with Diane, the full moon starts affecting Jason and he appears to be having an attack of diarrhea and excuses himself from table.  But it's NOT diarrhea, it's an attack of the woof woofs and Jason transforms into a werewolf amongst the palms -- frightening away a smooching couple.  We hear growls but don't actually see the werewolf.  Yeah, this pissed me off too!  Rick comes to investigate and when he looks amongst the palms where the couple heard growling, Rick finds a pile of werewolf poop.  Ok, not really but that would've been awesome.  Instead, he finds claw marks scratched into a palm tree.  This happens 20 minutes into the film.  The werewolf himself isn't glimpsed until the 37 minute mark -- and at that, we only get a flash of fang and eyes. 

The next morning, Jason apologizes to Diane and invites her shopping but she insists he see a doctor.  That diarrhea can be a bitch, you know.  The doctor tells Jason that he's overworked and suffering from the "too muches" (a cute little term Jason uses for overindulging) while Diane goes to a shop whose white condescending owner scoffs at the stupid native superstitions involving the tiki idols HE SELLS!  Jason and Diane encounter the mysterious woman whom we saw earlier looming over Jason's lawn chair by the pool.  Later, there's a luau.  I'm sorry but when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii, there was more action and more scares.  DEATHMOON drags on and on and on without much to recommend it.  Something could've been made of the skeleton of a plot here but that doesn't happen in DEATHMOON.  Whereas, if this had been made for TV in the EARLY 70s then I'll bet it would've been great.  The late 70's seems to have lost the magic of what early and mid-70's TV horror movies seemed to know how to do.  There's too much of the 'nighttime soap' about DEATHMOON.  This was, of course, the heyday of DALLAS and DYNASTY so I guess they thought they were being "up to date".  Granted, when we finally DO see the werewolf, he doesn't look half bad but the dull script and personality-less characters can't carry the film on their own without some (admittedly television-censor friendly mild) werewolf action.  Even some non-gory shots of the werewolf lurking or running would've made a big difference.  All that time and effort making up Foxworthy as a werewolf and there's very little of him on camera.  Now, it must be said that the final act does finally have some werewolf semi-action; by that I don't mean the werewolf has a semi but instead that he is seen chasing people around and pointedly NOT attacking them.  The werewolf will snarl at people and flash his teeth and eyes and gesture his clawed, furry hands in their general direction but never does he attempt to pounce on them or but them in the throat or any of the other things werewolves are wont to do if they're not stuck in a made-for-TV movie from 1978.  A little case of too little too late.  Not the best example of my beloved seventies TV horror movie.  Shame.  Oh I forgot Dolph Sweet is on hand too, as Lt. Russ Cort, who is brought in to investigate the werewolf munching deaths when they finally do occur.  I like to think that Dolph Sweet's character moved from Kauai to the American continental shores and hired Nell Carter to take care of his daughters.  Hey, sue me.  It makes watching DEATHMOON more worthwhile.  Gimme a break!