SHARKS OF THE CORN [2021]

 "OK, I GUESS WE'D BETTER DO SOMETHING BESIDES JUST WATCH THIS LIKE IT'S A BAD MOVIE!"

  So, if you're gonna watch a Tim Ritter movie, you should know what you're in for.  If you start complaining about incoherent plots, bad acting, zero production value and insane dialogue then you're out of line! 

It's a Tim Ritter movie; what the hell did you expect?!?!?  Having therefore provided the Ritter disclaimer:  Druid Hills, Kentucky has a problem. . . .they've got sharks in their cornfields.  During the local Corn Fest, Redneck Woman #1 goes for a romp in the cornfields shredding clothing while drunken Redneck Man # 1 (in a shirt which reads:  "I'm the Bearded Weirdo Your Parents Warned You About" chases after her; picking up discarded articles of apparel as he goes. 

A flying shark cruises through the rows of corn and chomps said Redneck Woman #1.  Redneck Man # 1 (or I should probably be calling him Bearded Weirdo) calls the cops and the police chief accuses Beardy of killing her and blaming it on some sort of flying shark or monster Sas-QUATCH (that's how he says it; accent on the QUATCH).  Meanwhile, there's a serial killer names Teddy Bo Lucas who is killing people with skeletal shark jaws.  Not to mention the Shark Cult.  And the CIA agent and the eerie emanations from Stonehenge.  After the first cornfield shark attack, there are others as well as some more shenanigans which don't really make much sense but that's where all the enjoyment lies.  This is all played for laughs -- right down to the end title card which reads "FIN".  Ha, get it?  

Tim Ritter's SHARKS OF THE CORN has the awesomest poster and some people would say that all you need to see is the poster and spare yourself the movie.  I'm not one of those people.  Sure, the movie is awful and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overlong but there are enough funny performances, goofy dialogue and wacky set pieces to keep you interested.  Most of the "acting" is, of course, non-existent but a few of the "actors" are actually pretty good and hold the screen while they're on it.  I'm thinking particularly of Steve Guynn as Teddy Bo Lucas (and his deliberately unhinged, OTP performance which is SO required for his role) and Todd Martin as Mayor Zanuck (who is more full of hilarious malapropisms and colorful one-liners than Sam Goldwyn). 

Of course, your tolerance for no budget silly horror films with non-actors will determine whether or not the movie poster is plenty for you.  Oh . . . . and yes, Sasquatch IS in the movie too.