THE ZODIAC KILLER [1971]

 DAVID FINCHER'S "ZODIAC" IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE-EST MOVIES. 

This isn't it!  No, this movie was directed by occasional B-movie actor (he's in RED ZONE CUBA as well as THE HELLCATS -- 2 staples of MST3K) and 'Pizza Man We Deliver' restaurant owner.  About to go bankrupt, Hanson decided he might as well make a movie before the creditors started banging at his door.  And thus was born THE ZODIAC KILLER.  Now, the real Zodiac serial killer was still active/on the loose when Hanson made his film so he also decided that this would be a good way to lure the serial killer out in the open.  After all, the real Zodiac couldn't help going to see a movie about himself, now could he?  Of course, this begs the question that if Zodiac DID go see the movie (and there's every possibility that he could have), what would make anyone at the theatre point their finger and shout "THAT'S HIM!!!".  I mean, it's not like Zodiac stood out in a crowd; judging from the varying descriptions of eyewitnesses at the time.  So, it's totally possible that the real killer went to see THE ZODIAC KILLER, bought a bag of popcorn and then went home.  Regardless of this fact, THE ZODIAC KILLER just happens to be the greatest film ever made!

Director & Zodiac victim Ted Hanson

The goodness of the film (and understand that the film is terribly made, terribly written, terribly directed and terribly acted) stems from the absolutely stunning performance of the cast!  Basically family and friends filled most of the parts (except for one or two notable exceptions I'll discuss later) and they are NOT professional actors in any sense of the word.  That's right, we have another 'Lunchtime Production' here, folks, and this is one of the best!  The acting is mind-boggling in it's ineptitude; only to be out-inepted (!) by the absolutely impenetrable, incoherent and possibly ad-libbed dialogue.  THE ZODIAC KILLER will have you saying "WHAT?!?!?" out loud to the screen approximately every minute and a half.  But what really makes this movie a 'can't miss' is the actors/characters.  I don't think I've ever seen a movie where every single character (no matter how brief the part) is reprehensible.  As Melissa Sharp (who gave the film a 20 out of 5 stars) on Letterboxd rightly states that:  "The women are bitches and the men are pricks...".  It's so true!  My God, I've never seen a more wretched hive of scum and villainy -- yes, not even in THAT film.  The only even slightly likeable character turns out to be the Zodiac killer himself (not a spoiler btw since we pretty quickly are shown that fact). 

Everyone's Favourite Perv:  Grover!

A particular favourite is Grover played by Bob Jones (who SOMEHOW is also in ENTER THE NINJA!!!) who is a middle-age, male-pattern-bald scumbucket who wears the most outrageous wig to go out to the bar 'cruising chicks'.  He constantly commands the 'ho's' (yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what they are) to not touch his 'hair'.  When one does and knocks his wig off, Grover assaults and/or strangles her before his friend Jerry (Hal Reed) stops him.  Of course, no one calls the police or even attempts to intervene; Jerry just advices the woman to leave by the back entrance when she goes since Grover can get kinda nutty when he's drunk.  Grover answers a phone call from his ex-wife with "Listen, Tramp!" and shows up at her house "on dope" to see his daughter (of whom his ex has sole custody).  This is after Grover is pulled into the police station for fighting in bars and dancing naked on top of a bar while urinating in customer's drinks!  I mean, how can you not LOVE this idiot?!?!  At his ex's house, Grover pulls a gun and holds his daughter hostage when the cops converge.  Grover's glances at a discarded newspaper headline and shouts "I'M THE ZODIAC!!!" (because that apparently is a real good idea during a police standoff! 

Every single man in the film is the most unattractive slob you ever want to see and every single one of them thinks they're babe magnets and any woman would be lucky to schtup them!  I mean, we're almost in science fiction territory here!  One of these 'repulsive men' is actually played by Doodles Weaver -- that's right, the one from all the Spike Jones records!  The absolute misogyny on show in this movie is laughably over-the-top; only to be matched by the scummy behaviour of pretty much every single woman character in the film. 

Uh oh she's about to get clobbered!

Even the several old ladies that make appearances are nasty, unlikeable harridans!  I mean, I did actually have my jaw drop too many times to count during THE ZODIAC KILLER -- and not from anything arising from the Zodiac killer himself.  Most of the murders were pretty accurate to the actual Zodiac killings and the cryptograms sent to the newspapers were followed as well.  Hanson also adds some new murders which have nothing to do with the real Zodiac killings.  One old man gets in an elevator and is pounced upon by Zodiac (in a black curly wig and Groucho nose/glasses) as he reaches his floor.  Another woman is stuck at the side of the rode with car trouble and Zodiac kills her by smashing her head with the open hood (bonnet fer you Brits) and then Zodiac jumps up and down on the hood just to make sure she's dead, I guess.  Our boy Zodiac is sure having fun now!  But the gold in this movie has nothing to do with Zodiac but instead the absolutely other-dimensional performances of the other actors who could do nothing but have fun with the bizarre, slimy roles they were portraying. 

THE ZODIAC KILLER is a can't miss watch for anyone who likes these kind of car wrecks!  We're forever in the debt of AGFA/Something Weird Video for providing us with a blu ray (!) of this masterpiece! I think Melissa was right:  a 20 out of 5 stars!!!