Saturday, October 31, 2020

WHODUNIT? [1982] aka ISLAND OF BLOOD

 "BOIL ME!  BOIL ME!" 


I don't know how Vinegar Syndrome does it?  I mean, they find absolutely stunning, pristene prints of these almost unknown, crappy horror movies and then they dress it up is gorgeous slipcovers with beautiful new art.  So it really doesn't matter that WHODUNIT? aka ISLAND OF BLOOD is a convoluted, uninspired slasher film that doesn't even have internal logic -- it's STILL a wonderful release!!!  The blurb on the back of the VS blu ray calls it a reimagining of Agatha Christie's AND THEN THERE WERE NONE -- it's SO not.  There are a bunch of people on an island and they get picked off one by one.  That's the beginning and end of any similarity.  Otherwise every one of 100 slasher/body count films is also a "reimagining" of Agatha Christie too.  A group of rather unpleasant people go to island where they plan to make an optimistic, family feel-good movie.
  They don't bring a film crew or anything like that with them.  I guess they'll arrive next week?  I guess they're there to maybe rehearse?  Nothing is really explained in this movie and you really have no idea what's going on other than somebody with a Sony walkman likes to play a really bad punkish song while they murder people one by one.  And frankly, I'm with the killer.  Because not only are these people rather unlikeable but they're incredible stupid and reinforce the stereotype that victims in slasher movies do stupid things no one in their right minds would do -- like knowing there's a serial killer on the loose and, while attempting to staple-gun some sticks together to make a getaway raft on the beach, to holler at the top of your lungs that the killer won't get YOU . . . . thereby letting the killer know exactly where you are.  But hey, at least ONE slasher stereotype is broken in this film; that is, unlike most slasher movies where the cast all look like supermodels, here we have extremely ordinary-looking people.  Unfortunaley, most of the movie's running time consists of uninteresting, unfunny dialogue scenes between people you couldn't care less about.  Fortunately, every once in a while there's a wacky death scene such as someone gets boiled alive in a swimming pool (because the thermostat is malfunctioning???  I mean, how is that even POSSIBLE to get a swimming pool to boiling point?!?!?!) or someone is nail-gunned to death (stapled to the wall with about a dozen nails fired into their forehead).  So, is the movie a total loss?  No, not really.  Can I recommend it?  No, not really.

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