ONE FINAL THOUGHT AS THE YEAR CLOSES . . . from Vincent Price

 And you'd better listen to Vinnie . . . if you know what's good fer ya.

CREEPY CLASSICS [1987]

 THIS IS A REAL TRIP IN THE WAYBACK MACHINE. 

I'm pretty sure I ran out and got this video the very day it first went on sale in October 1987 for the Halloween season!  You had to go to an actual Hallmark Store to get it (no there was no internet, Know-Nothing Tots) and I hopped in my copper-coloured 1975 Ford Granada and trucked on down. 

At 30 minutes, this is admittedly just a glorified trailer compilation but it's hosted by the legendary Vincent Price; making it a cut (and slash) above all the rest.  Vinnie is seated in a movie theatre (serve me up some of that hot bloodied popcorn!!!) and acts as our guide while various horror movie trailers (as well as many actual scenes from the films themselves) are projected up on the silver screen.  There is nice running joke throughout the video (yes, this was VHS) that utilizes the 'Disembodied Hand' segment of DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS {1965}.  Evenly spaced throughout the video are clips featuring Christopher Lee being tormented by the crawling hand; Vinnie keeps checking back in with Christopher to see how he's managing against the creepy crawler.  Vinnie treats us to clips from HORRORS OF THE BLACK MUSEUM, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF, Roger Corman's THE RAVEN, THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM, and the original INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.  Trailers shown include THE BLOB, Corman's THE RAVEN (again), MACABRE, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST and ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE, DINOSAURUS and  THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS.  CREEPY CLASSICS is designed to play before you begin your horror movie marathon session as something of an appetizer.  As Vinnie says at the end of the video:  "Well, our feature presentation is about to begin.  I hope you've enjoyed our chilling little chat as much as I have.  There's nothing like a good shiver to bring people closer.  So why not pop a little popcorn, turn out the lights and enjoy an eerie movie soon.  Just make sure there's a hand nearby to hold . . . . preferably with a live body attached to it!"    

SPOOK SISTERS MARATHON

 A PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN HORROR MOVIE FAMILY CONNECTION RANDOMLY MADE ITSELF KNOWN TO ME RECENTLY. 

The unfathomably beautiful Debra Paget has two sisters who were also actors and who also appeared in some classic horror films!  450 years of watching horror movies and I never ever knew dat.  Today I consider a good day to screen a "Spook Sister" marathon of horror movies with featuring Teala Loring, Lisa Gaye and Debra Paget.

                        Teala                                                 Lisa                                      Debra

We'll start off with Teala Loring who, besides having a bit part in the classic film noir DOUBLE INDEMNITY also appeared in the John Carradine starrer BLUEBEARD and the horror-adjacent Charlie Chan flick DARK ALIBI.  Today's first movie-watch will be RETURN OF THE APE MAN starring Bela Lugosi and John Carradine in which our friendly neighbourhood mad scientist Bela unfreezes a "prehistoric man" (played by veteran character actor Frank Moran . . . and ALSO apparently George Zucco confusingly) from a block of ice. 

Unlike THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD an electric blanket is eschewed in favour of Bela's blowtorch which thaws out the "caveman".  Dissatisfied with the "ape man's" homicidal tendencies, Bela decides to add a chunk of modern-day man-brain to the  prehistoric man's brain in order to molify him and give him the power of speech.  This is where our heroine Teala Loring comes in as her character's fiancee is Bela's target.  This pisses off John Carradine who stops Bela's fun and vows never to have anything more to do with him.  Naturally, Bela doesn't take kindly to such interference and promptly attacks Carradine and sews a chunk of HIS brain into the "ape man".  Of course, in these poverty row horrors (or any OTHER horror films), this doesn't really stop the murderous rampage.  This is a rather minor poverty row potboiler which derives most of it's fun and viewer interest care of Bela Lugosi who, as always, gives huge acting value to the paltry buck he was probably making.  John Carradine is also a huge plus.  Teala Loring gives a really nice performance as our young heroine who is given more to do than simply cower and faint; she has screen presence and real acting chops (looks like it runs in the family).  RETURN OF THE APE MAN is a harmless, adequate little horror film to start out the day's movie marathon.

Movie Number Two we focus on Lisa Gay who would appear in CASTLE OF EVIL as well as today's horror movie watch:  FACE OF TERROR.  Here Lisa Gay plays the lead as a woman named Norma who has half her face scarred and is places in an insane asylum.  Fernando Rey plays the (mad?) scientist Dr. Taylor who thinks he has a revolutionary new technique for plastic surgery which can remove scarring in a day. 

Norma is conveniently watering flowers outside the window where Rey is telling this all to a medical board who promptly pooh poohs his ethical standing and tells him to hit the bricks.  Norma promptly escapes from the asylum and shows up at Dr. Taylor's laboratory and begs him to fix her face.  Not knowing she is an escaped mental patient, Dr. Taylor uses his new process to totally fix her scarring.  The now beautiful Norma shortly starts causing some trouble.  This slightly overlong rehash of Franju's EYES WITHOUT A FACE features a little too much face and not enough terror.  Lisa Gay is superb in the role of Norma and her acting is again top notch (like her sisters) but the script simply doesn't give her a lot to do.  About 75% of the time, the script gives no hint that she has any mental aberration at all; only in the final 10 minutes does Gay get to really let loose.  Oddly, the film was made in Spain but everyone is speaking their lines in English.  All in all, the movie is rather too bland for its own good.

Our third film in the "Spook Sisters" marathon is AIP's THE HAUNTED PALACE featuring Debra Paget along with Vincent Price and Lon Chaney Jr.  The old-favourite H.P. Lovecraft adaptation (masquerading as a Poe film) features Paget as the put-upon wife of split personality Vinnie in this loose adaptation of "THE CASE OF CHARLES DEXTER WARD".  Joseph Curwen was a warlock burned at the stake who comes back to possess the body of his grandson Ward (both played by Price) to get revenge on the descendants of the village torch-lighters.  The film includes a rape scene which displeased both Price and Paget (in the same way a rape scene crowbarred into FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED  later displeased Peter Cushing and Veronica Carlson).  Whether because of that or other reasons, Paget would retire from acting after this film.  THE HAUNTED PALACE is another of those deliciously atmosphere Corman AIP "Poe" films which you can watch again and again and of which you never tire.  A superb Halloweeny way to end this marathon of the three "Spook Sisters".  

THE DARK, EVIL, HORRIFYING SECRET BEHIND THE BRADY BUNCH

 I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU NOW ON A STRANGE, LOOPY AND TERRIFYING JOURNEY THROUGH THE LAND OF CLASSIC TV WHITEBREAD.  We all grew up watching THE BRADY BUNCH reruns (and if you didn't, what the HELL is wrong witcha?!?!?!?) but even such a seemingly innocuous series can have dark underpinnings which prove that Halloween infiltrates EVERYTHING!  I refer here to the three-part storyline when the Brady family went on vacation in Hawaii:  episodes # 72-74. 

We all remember that in the first episode "HAWAII BOUND", Bobby finds a tiki idol at a construction site and immediately bad luck starts to befall members of the family:  a big green metal "leaf" falls off the wall and almost hits Bobby, Alice throws her back out learning to hula dance,

a tarantula attacks,

a ukulele gets sat upon and, most famously, Greg wipes out while surfing. 

Convinced that the tiki idol is cursed, Bobby and the boys decide to return it to the burial cave to end the "curse".  Then, as we all remember, the boys are held captive in the cave

by a crazed Professor Whitehead (played by immortal actor and patron-saint of the Countdown to Halloween Vincent Price). 

Being an early 70's, family-friendly sitcom which tries to wrap the plot up with a happy ending, Professor Whitehead becomes friendly and is invited to a luau with the family and the curse is brought to a tidy end.

Or was it?

I, for one, say NO!  The supernatural is not so easily cowed and the Countdown to Halloween is not so easily thwarted.  The evil continued and followed the Brady's home and continued to exert an evil influence on them until the show's eventual cancellation.  Why?  Because, if you remember or go back and watch, the Tiki Idol had a name given to it by crazy Prof. Whitehead.  Vincent Price calls the Tiki Idol "Oliver".  

Oliver.  Yes, that's right.  The shiver-inducing name of the "cute cousin" the show brought in to "increase ratings" and which is the moment it is universally agreed upon that THE BRADY BUNCH jumped the shark.  There was no "Cousin Oliver".  It was that damn cursed Tiki Idol Oliver masquerading as a "cute kid to increase ratings" which, in fact, torpedoed the show and led to it's cancellation.  You may recall there was even one episode where "Cousin Oliver" believed he was a jinx who caused bad luck; Oliver was just playing with the Bradys now!!!  This evil tiki idol was pretending to be "Cousin Oliver" in order to get the show cancelled and to wreak his vengeance on THE BRADY BUNCH.  And when he had succeeded, Tiki Idol/Cousin Oliver receded back into the misty night to plot and plan further evil deeds.  And he is ESPECIALLY active during the spooky Halloween month of October . . . .looking for unwary fools, who never watched THE BRADY BUNCH, on whom to cast his evil influence.  So if you ever see a little kid trick-or-treating, who has glasses and a blonde bowl-cut, RUN!!!!!!  

LEE-A-THON MOVIE OF THE DAY NO. 29

HOUSE OF THE LONG SHADOWS!  

Final film pairing of Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing (if you don't include the Hammer Horror documentary "FLESH AND BLOOD") which also features Vincent Price and John Carradine along for the spooky fun.  And Desi Arnaz Jr., of course.  This is the umpteenth retelling of the George M. Cohan stage warhorse "SEVEN KEYS TO BALDPATE".  I've seen probably every film version of this hoary old stage play and this one is not the best . . . nor is it the worst.  Desi Arnaz Jr. is actually adequate in his role as a horror writer who makes a bet that he can churn out a novel in 24 hours in a deserted old mansion.  Of course, he is constantly interrupted by the repeated arrival of dotty old horror icons!  British veterans Sheila Keith and Richard Todd (who have some fair affinity for the horror genre themselves) are here as well as a Benny Hill beauty. . .who doesn't stay beautiful for long.

VINCENT PRICE PORTRAIT BY CHARLES BURNS

ALL OF THEM WITCHES

GOOD FRIEND WEAVERMAN OVER AT THE "FLEAPIT OF THE MIND" BLOG SUGGESTED THAT I BRING YOU MY FAVOURITE WITCHES AND WARLOCKS OF THE SCREEN. 

Since I don't wanna get hexed, I thought I'd do as he says.  So here they are . . . a coven of bewitching characters from the big screen and the boob tube.

 

Kim Novak in BELL, BOOK & CANDLE

 

 Barbara Steele in BLACK SUNDAY

 

 

 Artist's Conception of THE BLAIR WITCH

 

 

 Angela Lansbury aids the war effort in BEDKNOBS & BROOMSTICKS

 

 Akira Kurosawa's MACBETH adaptation THRONE OF BLOOD

 

 The magnificent Jeanette Nolan in the "LA STREGA" episode of BORIS KARLOFF'S THRILLER

 

 

 A coven of broomstick jockeys in HAXAN

 

 

 

Ivo Garrani in BLACK SUNDAY

 

 

Delightful Veronica Lake of I MARRIED A WITCH

 

 

The greatest Disney witch:  Maleficent from SLEEPING BEAUTY

Margaret Johnston in BURN, WITCH, BURN aka NIGHT OF THE EAGLE

WITCH HAZEL (as voiced by June Foray) in Donald Duck's cartoon TRICK OR TREAT

Witch Hazel (again voiced by June Foray) meet Bugs Bunny

Lon Chaney Jr. leads the Whitlock clan in WITCHCRAFT

Patricia Jessel & Christopher Lee cook up some trouble in CITY OF THE DEAD

Charles Gray as the evil Mocata in THE DEVIL RIDES OUT

Minnie Castevet (Ruth Gordon) has delivers some chocolate mouse in ROSEMARY'S BABY

Margaret Hamilton as everyone's favourite witch from childhood in THE WIZARD OF OZ

Niall MacGinnis as Carswell has some runes for you in NIGHT OF THE DEMON

Lara Parker as Angelique from TV's DARK SHADOWS

Barbara Steele is back as Lavinia from CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR aka THE CRIMSON CULT

Jean Marsh as Mombi from RETURN TO OZ

Helen Mirren as the regal Morgan La Fey in EXCALIBUR

Hjalmir Poelzig (Boris Karloff) conducts a sabbat in THE BLACK CAT

Samantha & Endora (Elizabeth Montgomery & Agnes Moorehead) from TV's BEWITCHED

Sultry Linda Christian from THE DEVIL'S HAND

Billy Hayes as Witchiepoo from TV's H.R. PUFNSTUF