THE BLACK PHONE (2021)

 THIS ONE I MAY RAMBLE A BIT ON.

  I don't listen to hype on a film before I see it so I went into this fairly cold.  I did realize that a lot of people seemed to think it was the bee's knees though.  I'm sure pretty much everyone knows the plot.  Back in 1978, several kids have gone missing -- nabbed by someone folks have dubbed 'The Grabber'.  Finney and Gwen Shaw are brother and sister; their mother had committed suicide before the movie starts and they are left in the care of their alcoholic and abusive father Terrence.  As kids go missing one by one from the neighbourhood, things obviously get a little tense.  I'm really not going to speak anymore plot points because I believe that it's better to go into this blind if you haven't already seen it by the time I'm writing this.  And if you have, then you already know what happens. 

What I will say is that director Scott Derrickson does a masterful job at spotlighting all the characters so that we really care about them -- even the ones we don't like.  He also has the whole suspense thing down.  I was absolutely on the edge of my seat through the entire running time.  Not only is this a top horror film but it is also one of the best films I saw from last year!  The entire cast is flawless; giving true and vivid performances without exception.  Particular fantastic acting jobs are by the two juvenile leads:  Mason Thames and Madeleine McGraw as Finney and Gwen.  Thames is so good he anchors the film with his performance -- and even better is McGraw who is so good (especially in the harrowing 'belt' scene) that she puts most Oscar-winners to shame! 

Their truly reprehensible (but understandably so without excusing his behaviour) father Terrence is played by the squirrely Jeremy Davies; whom I probably know most from his twitchy role as Daniel Faraday on LOST.  Casting Davies as the mullet-haired, abusive father is not a role I would've thought of him for judging from all his performances in the past but here he is bewilderingly good playing against type as an alcoholic brute who has so much rage at the suicide of his wife that he drinks his pain away every night and takes it out on his kids.  Then there's Ethan Hawke as the mask-wearing psycho 'The Grabber'.  Hawke is one of those actors I never thought I liked very much until recent years when he's been picking some excellent film roles:  PREDESTINATION, Ti West's IN A VALLEY OF VIOLENCE, FIRST REFORMED -- all movies I loved -- as well as Sidney Lumet's masterpiece BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD and the wonderful Richard Linklater "BEFORE" trilogy. 

I guess I'm kinda a fan now.  Hawke portrays 'The Grabber' -- whom we have no backstory or explanation for -- in a wildly nuanced way for a character whom we practically never see without a mask on.  I'm telling you, even all the other kid actors do superb jobs; and it's long been apparent on this blog how little I usually like child actors.  I think the major reason why we have so many outstanding acting performances is because of the truly outstanding writing by director Derrickson, C. Robert Cargill and Joe Hill (yes, THAT Joe Hill -- THE BLACK PHONE is based on his own short story, of course).  The characters are drawn so fully that it seems a gift to a fine actor and this movie is loaded with really fine actors.  

It is also vital that this film takes place in the year 1978.  The script gets the whole childhood experience of school and growing up in the seventies soooooooooooo right.  In 1978, I was in 7th grade Middle School and every moment felt absolutely right.  Plus I found myself really REALLY identifying with Finney's character who even LOOKS like I looked back then.  I suppose that's why this movie resonated so much with me while I was watching it.  The violence against children (which I thankfully never experienced but that was too prevalent back then with some of my friends) as well as the violence AMONGST children (which I did experience quite a lot of through bullying) are so vividly depicted that the movie hit home really close to me.  As a painfully shy, bookish, skinny kid, I was an easy target for the bullies in my school.  However, also like Finney, when pushed just far enough I occasionally took a stand and wouldn't back down.  As Robin explains to Finney on 'the black phone' towards the climax of the film, I may not have been brave but I knew how to take a hit and got back up from it.  I don't know which screenwriter contributed this aspect of the kids but, I suspect it might have been Joe Hill -- just from his masterful writing of children in the LOCKE & KEY books.  Hill is only a half dozen years younger than I and he grew up in the 70's and early 80's like myself and he really GETS how things were back then.  The more I sit with this movie, the more surprised I am how affected I was by it.   

LORD OF TEARS {2013}

 THE FIRST IN LAWRIE BREWSTER'S "OWLMAN" TRILOGY. 

James Findlay's estranged mother has died and he is summoned to a reading of her will.  Amongst other things, Mother has left James the old family pile Baldurrock in the Scottish Highlands.  Mother also warns that James must never return there.  Following in the footsteps of almost all horror movie protagonists, James promptly takes off for Scotland to determine why his childhood living there is so fuzzy.  Once there, James meets a woman named Evie and they hit it off.  James is troubled by nightmares in which he sees disturbing images accompanied by the appearance of a frightening "Owlman" who menaces him.  James finds an old key which unlocks the creepy basement in which he finds a tattered old journal with strange numbers and other enigmatic clues in it.  He uses this and Evie's help to try to piece together his missing past.

As stated at the top, LORD OF TEARS is the first in a (so-far) trilogy of Owlman movies continuing with THE UNKINDNESS OF RAVENS and THE BLACK GLOVES.  Heavily atmospheric with gorgeous location shooting, the film evokes a full on gothic mood with some genuinely creepy moments.  Lead actors Euan Douglas and Lexy Hulme (a.k.a. Alexandra Nicole Hulme) are OK in their roles as James and Evie respectively but won't set the acting world on fire.  Brewster's direction here is pretty good although the couple instances of Lexy Hulme prancing around in slow motion are rather interminable and better left on the cutting room floor.  At 100 minutes, LORD OF TEARS never drags (aside from those slo-mo scenes) and the beautiful house and locations keep the eye engaged.  The Owlman himself (portrayed by David Schofield) is a marvelously creepy costume which is so good it even has it's own action figure!  I mean, just look at the creepy cuss!   The Owlman (whose actual name I'll keep spoiler free) must be a cousin to America's Mothman (a comparison made much of in the disc's special features) and makes a fantastic visual impact with his unearthly, staring black eyes and sharp talons.  I've got the other films in the trilogy and hopefully will be able to watch them and post about them before the Countdown to Halloween is kaput.

MONSTERS UNLEASHED PIN-UP by Pablo Marcos

 

Beautiful Marvel Pin-Up by Pablo Marcos

HANGING IN THE GALLERY

 HERE ARE A FEW OF THOSE AFOREMENTIONED CLASSIC PAINTINGS THAT ARE HANGING (BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD) IN HORROR MOVIES:

Before and after portraits of our hero in the 1945 classic THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY.  (The "pretty" portrait of actor Hurd Hatfield is by Henrique Medina while the "sinful" monster portrait is by Ivan Albright).

That painting you can walk right into in horror anthology film THREE CASES OF MURDER  {1955}

Those pesky Ushers and their demonic house in Roger Corman's masterpiece HOUSE OF USHER {1960} all done by the maestro Burt Shonberg!

That painting that keeps changing showing the corpses getting nearer and nearer in the 1969 pilot film of NIGHT GALLERY.  I'm not sure but this could be the work of artist Jaroslav "Jerry" Gebr.

One of my favourites is the Lovecraftian painting from the awesome Amicus THE CREEPING FLESH  {1973}.  I wish I knew who did this magnificent painting.  Anyone know?

And what other fantastic paintings from horror films did I forget???

MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE {1977}

 "HEY, THIS IS MY FIRST NUT!"

  I'm gonna say this up front:  I had no business liking this movie as much as I did.  The one and only directorial opus by Evan Lee, this film was originally released in 1976 entitled HOLLYWOOD MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE.  I'm sure most everybody reading this already knows the circumstances which caused Christopher Lee to appear in this film.  Lee filmed some sequences for another project which find the venerable actor talking about occult stuff in his 'study'.  The project, however, never happened.  Presumably Evan Lee purchased the footage of Christopher Lee, spliced it into the beginning and end of his film, and re-released it in 1977.  If Christopher Lee ever knew about it, his opinion about this film must've been something to hear.    However, this terrible film actually has sort of a perverse charm which slowly won me over.  Not enough to praise the film or recommend it to any but the most ravenous horror movie fiends but enough for me to enjoy the of-kilter perspective on show here.

Now let's get this all out of the way.  This is not a slasher film.  To the best of my knowledge, no meat cleaver ever appears in the film.  And yes, while there is a killing of a family (and their dog), I'm not sure this counts as an actual massacre.  I suppose if you add on the subsequent gory deaths in the film, you might just squeak by calling it a massacre.  And far from being any sort of slasher movie, this is really kinda a monster movie.  Or at least a demon movie.  This is the kind of movie that has end credits listing "1st Drunk Okie", "2nd Drunk Okie" and "Nuthouse Doctor" so that should tell you what kind of a little something about the chutzpah behind the making of this film.  Oh and speaking of the end credits -- Ed Wood is listed as appearing in the movie.  Now, I of course was certain that this was not 'THE' Ed Wood but some random guy with the name 'Ed Wood'.  That's not so surprising.  However, there is a split second in the film where we see a news crew and one of the guys actually does kinda look like it's 'THE' Ed Wood.  The scuttlebutt/legend surrounding this movie seems to be of the opinion that the man himself IS briefly in this movie.  Not for me to say.  What IS for me to say is what this movie is about.  

The revised theatrical version of MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE starts with the tacked-on Christopher Lee segment in which he talks up some occult stuff while a painting of Pan leers down at him.  Then we cut the Professor Cantrell giving his class a slideshow about occult practices and particularly a demon of revenge named Morak.  We see a really nice painting of Morak tormenting his victims with all sorts of gory deaths.  This painting goes right up there with such classic horror movie paintings as the ones appearing in '3 CASES OF MURDER', "THE CREEPING FLESH", "HOUSE OF USHER" and "NIGHT GALLERY".  One of his skeptical students named Mason Harrue heckles Cantrell and the Professor tells Harrue to 'grow up' after class.  Harrue and three of his classmates decide to visit the house of Prof. Cantrell later that night.  What seems to be a prank soon turns to murder as Harrue bashes in the Professor's skull (after killing the dog with a knife, natch.  No . . . not a meat cleaver).  The foursome proceeds to kill the Prof's wife, son and daughter as well.  I guess just because.  However, unfortunately for our bloodthirsty foursome, the Professor isn't dead but he IS paralyzed and basically comatose unable to talk.  The Prof is just able, in his la la land state, to mentally conjure up Morak to "AND THEN THERE WERE NONE" the four students who killed his family. 

This then happens as, one by one, the 4 students get deaded in some horrific way by the vengeful demon Morak (whom we don't see until the end of the film but OH BOY!!!).  And no, that's not really a spoiler since this is given away pretty much on that poster up there.  But really, this movie is spoiler proof.  Also mixed up in events are hallucinogenic fever dreams experienced by the 4 murderous students which are interesting psychedelic set pieces in their own right.  This movie actually feels much more like an early 1970's demonic horror movie than a 1976-made one and that, of course, is ANOTHER point in its favour.  The film is actually much better than you'd think and I was pleasantly surprised how I wasn't bored at all during the movie and was also kinda impressed by the off-the-wall 'style' of the film.  It's not tentative by any means but goes right for the gonzo stylistic choices with demonic gusto!  One of those extremely minor 70's horror movies which manages to be entertaining in spite of itself!        

HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES [2020]

 THE SCARY SIDE OF PARADISE.  

There is no Judy Garland or Mickey Rooney on hand but, other than that fact, the concept of everybody in town getting together to put on a show is on display here.  The only difference is the show is a SOV/found footage horror movie and the scene isn't the local barn but the Hawaiian Islands.  The pleasure you'll get from watching HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES really depends on your tolerance for total amateurs (there is not a professional actor anywhere near this movie) putting together a horror movie shot probably on their phones just for the fun of it.  Whereas I might be harsh on a big studio movie that's crap, a homemade "Lunchtime Production" (as my friend Peg used to call them -- a group had a lunch hour free so they made a movie) made with honest enthusiasm and good fun I have a lot of time for.  HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES is an anthology film of several ghost stories being told by a storyteller to a bunch of kids around a campfire.  Each story features a Hawaiian (or Japanese imported) ghost or urban legend like the No Faced Woman, the Aswang or the Mujina etc.  There is no actual acting going on and there doesn't even appear to be an actual script but even so I had fun with this film.  There are some homemade practical effects as well as some VERY basic CGI which I found pretty charming.  Right down to the misspelled movie title that appears on screen as "HAWAIIN GHOST STORIES" before the end credits, this film has handmade written all over it!  In fact, this is one amateur horror movie which has quite a lot going for it, actually.

Firstly there is the location shooting in Hawaii itself; Hawaii is Hawaii and it looks stunningly beautiful no matter what it's shot on.  And oddly, the locations carry a lot of spooky atmosphere which I didn't quite expect. There is one pathway (Morgan's Corner) that features in a couple of the stories whose jungle canopy domes the dirt road shutting out much of the sunlight; pretty good atmosphere here.  Secondly, the brevity of the running time (it just barely hits 1 hour) doesn’t allow time for tedious stretches of failed attempts at character-buildingl HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES gets in and gets out without trying to pad the length to 90 minutes as some amateur productions do to their detriment.  Thirdly, you don’t get many horror movies featuring the folkloric ghosts of the Hawaiian Islands so the concept itself is a breath of fresh ocean air – even if several of them are actually Japanese Yokai. And lastly, there’s the palpable feeling that everyone is having a great deal of fun making their own little horror movie.  As I’ve said, your enjoyment of HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES totally depends on your tolerance for absolutely amateur productions with no budget; if not, then this movie is definitely not for you.  But for you forgiving souls, HAWAIIAN GHOST STORIES is a charming bit of fun that might even give you chicken skin.    

LAKE OF THE DEAD {1958}

 VOTED NORWAY'S ALL-TIME BEST THRILLER!!! 

More than once.  The book, that is.  And it's never fallen below #3 in the voting.  About a month ago, I read the novel which has been given it's first American translation by the spectacular folks at Valancourt Books.  And I loved it!  André Bjerke eerie mystery-thriller with horror overtones came out in 1942.  According to the introduction to the book, Norway has surprisingly little history of horror literature (or horror cinema, for that matter).  Bjerke was understandably concerned that a book with this much 'horror' in it might not go over well with the reading public in Norway.  He needn't have worried.  It was a big hit and, as stated above, is consistently voted the best Norwegian thriller of all time.  Then we come to the 1958 film adaptation which, by a happy coincidence, is included in the past year's magnificent ALL THE HAUNTS BE OURS folk horror box set by Severin -- so I get to watch the film I was just reading.  And yes, as always, the book is better than the film.  However, the film is superb and, while necessarily condensed, sticks very close to the book.  This, I'm sure, is because the author himself helped adapt the novel with director Kåre Bergstrøm.  Even more surprisingly, the author himself acts in the film!!!  As you can see by the poster up there, the book was originally written under the pseudonym of Bernhard Borge and that also happens to be the name of the main character in the book.  The book is told from Borge's point of view.  That's the first major change in the film as it is not told from a single character's point of view and there is, in fact, no 'main character' as such.  Borge is just one of the characters and Bjerke doesn't play him.  Interestingly, the author instead plays the character who is consistently against rationalism and on the side of instinct and the supernatural.  So what's the story here?

Liljan Werner (Henny Moan) gathers her friends together to take a train trip.  She's worried because her brother Bjørn (Per Lillo-Stenberg) , whom they all know and with whom Liljan is very close, has purchased a remote cabin in the woods (uh oh!) and has not been in contact with her for days.  The cabin (more like a house) has a bad history attached to it and there are legends of a one-legged ghost (with a wooden leg) and whomever stays in the house never returns.  The ghost is of a man named Tore Gruvik who, over 100 years ago, built the house in the woods next to Blue Lake.  He was a one-legged giant of a man who was surly to everyone except his sister; whom he had an 'unhealthy' attachment to.  When this sister fell in love with a local man, Gruvik killed them both and then, in a fit of madness, through himself in the bottomless lake. 

Since then, his apparition has been seen; even ghostly footprints of one shoe and one peg leg have been found in the woods and around the lake.  And people staying in the house have a habit of disappearing.  The lake has since gained the nickname 'Lake of the Dead'.  Bjørn is up there hunting alone with only his hunting dog and Liljan is understandably concerned.  The group consists of Liljan and her fiancee Harald Gran (Georg Richter), slightly cowardly Bernhard Borge (Henki Kolstad) and his capable wife Sonja (Bjørg Engh), logical-minded  psychoanalyst Kai Bugge (Erling Lindahl),  and champion of the supernatural Gabriel Mørk (author André Bjerke himself).  Bugge and Mørk are good friends but battle constantly over the rational and supernatural.  When the group finally get to the remote cabin, there is no sign of Bjørn Werner or his dog.  The group seeks the help of Braten, the constable in the nearby town, who accompanies them to the scene.  They eventually find Werner's dog dead by the side of the lake; shot in the head.  Nearby is Bjorn's shotgun and some footprints leading into the lake . . . and not coming back out.  Has the deadly influence of Tore Gruvik claimed another victim?

LAKE OF THE DEAD (a.k.a.  De dødes tjern) is beautifully shot in chiaroscuro black & white by DP Ragnar Sørensen which gives the film loads and loads of moody atmosphere.  The forest location and the lake itself are suitably gloomy and shot in a creepy fashion to lend a sense of unease to the location.  The script, as I said, remains fairly close to the novel with some excisions that were necessary for time and do not feel missed by this viewer.  Besides the jettisoning of Bernhard Borge as the central POV character, the film also jettisions a sidebar about a screaming lunatic who escaped from the nearby town's insane asylum and who may be roaming the woods in the area.  The legend of ole Tore and his creepy cabin and ghostly apparition are more vividly captured in the book but the film does a nice job evoking the menace of the old ghoul.  Director Bergstrom also provides some good scares throughout.  As I said at the top, Norway wasn't known for it's horror literature so the book (and the film) are not full-fledged horror but, I think, do count as horror-infused.  While not wanting to look a gift-horse in the mouth, I'm a little puzzled why the film was included in the folk horror box set ALL THE HAUNTS BE OURS but I'm thrilled it was.  The film is a mystery-horror-thriller but I don't really see the folk horror angle to it.  Other than it deals with a 100+ year old ghost story/legend.  Perhaps that's enough.  It's certainly enough for me.  This was a wonderful watch; especially after reading the novel!  I wouldn't have missed it for a dip in a bottomless, haunted lake!

THE MUNSTERS {2022}

 THE MOVIE WHICH CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED ME MORE THAN ANY OTHER MOVIE SEEN THIS YEAR! 

I'm sure by now everybody knows about this one.  Absolutely lambasted by just about everyone, Rob Zombie's movie take on the 1960's TV series is hated by most and loved by (much fewer) others.  There's something schizophrenic, Jekyll/Hyde-like about the whole concept of Rob Zombie making a MUNSTERS movie.  I mean, the very idea of it sounds like a really stupid, bad idea.  At the same time, it sounds like an incredibly cool idea.  And this strange Push-Me Pull-Yu character infuses the whole movie itself.  Much like the TV show itself, the movie Rob Zombie has given us looks absolutely fantastic but lacks something in the script department.  Growing up watching reruns, I always much preferred THE ADDAMS FAMILY TV show to THE MUNSTERS; The Addamses were nicely twisted and warped and the scripts were witty and quite dark whereas the Munsterses had gorgeous production values but the scripts were saccharine and rather dull without any dark, sharp edges at all.  THE ADDAMS FAMILY had the pizzazz of Edward Gorey while THE MUNSTERS had the pizzazz of Dwight Eisenhower.  While visiting the Munsters, no harm would come to you.  While visiting the Addams Family, you might end up maimed at the very least.  But that's the TV shows and that's really not the issue here.

Rob Zombie's PG-rated THE MUNSTERS (that fact alone still boggles my mind) is not meant to be anything like THE LORDS OF SALEM or THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.  It's meant to be a cinematic retelling of a cuddly 60's monster comedy TV show.  And Rob Zombie gets that aspect extremely right.  The same 'feel' of the TV series is captured here and that's probably not very easy to do here in the 21st century where everything has a acid edge and an ironic eyebrow.  The Munsters in the film are just as naive and innocent as they were in the TV show.  Rob Zombie also wrote the script and he has a lot of damn fine ideas.  The movie is something of a prequel in that it begins before Herman is even born . . . er assembled . . . .and Lily is going on blind dates with Count Orlok from NOSFERATU.  Mad scientist Dr. Wolfgang sends his hunchback servant Floop out to get him a brain for his monster and Floop, of course, accidentally steals the brain of a recently-deceased horribly-bad stand-up comic.  This is a funny twist on the 'wrong brain' sequence in the original FRANKENSTEIN and gives a great reason why Herman Munster is constantly telling bad jokes. 

The origin of Spot is provided as Herman & Lily honeymoon in Paris and see headlines about a sea monster loose in the sewers of Paris.  They quickly track down the creature (about the size of a great Dane) and adopt him as their pet.  I love all these ideas.  Of course, the trope of the Munsters being evicted from their Transylvanian castle is an old one (remember LOVE AT FIRST BITE, anyone?) but something had to be done to get the Munsters from Transylvania to the good ole U.S.A.  The cast of Jeff Daniel Phillips (Herman), Sheri Moon Zombie (Lily) and Daniel Roebuck (Granpa) also are putting their all into their performances; going so far as to portray the mannerisms and styles of their predecessors Fred Gwynne, Yvonne DeCarlo and Al Lewis.  Special mention also goes to Sylvester McCoy as the pre-bat Igor who gives his rather small role extra value.  And Richard Brake gives an hilarious performance as Count Orlok/Nosferatu as well as a fine job as Dr. Wolfgang.  The cast is also peppered with many beloved genre actors like Catherine Schell, Dee Wallace, Jorge Garcia, Cassandra Peterson -- and even cameos from former Munsters Butch Patrick and Pat Priest!  Then we come to the real MVP's of the movie:  Cinematographer Zoran Popovic, Art Director Hedvig Kiraly, Set Designer Zsuzsa Mihalek and Costume Designer Godena-Juhasz Attila.  This quarter of geniuses have given us one of the most stunningly beautiful films to watch!  Every shot, every set and every costume is staggeringly gorgeous!  I mean, SERIOUSLY stunning!  All this makes for what should've been a slam dunk of a great movie.  However.

Where the movie falls down flat is in its script.  In particular, the dialogue.  Which should be funny but painfully isn't.  Zombie's plot and story ideas are pretty solid but he really REALLY needed to get in a comedy writer to provide some good jokes and funny dialogue.  Or even halfway decent dialogue.  This movie is crying out for laughs and there just aren't any.  The lines are just painfully unfunny and not in a good way either i.e. so bad it's good.  No, the lines are just bland and dead and they just lay there.  The cast is giving it their all but there's just nothing there to hang their performances on.  Even the deliberately lame jokes Herman tells, which we've all heard a million times before (i.e. 'A horse goes into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?") have more oomph than any of the dialogue does.  It's actually a crying shame because, with even halfway funny dialogue, THE MUNSTERS would be a must watch every Halloween.  But as it is, I can only think that it would be enjoyed immensely by eight year olds.  They would probably find it very entertaining . . . .and that's OK, I guess.  But the rest of us are looking at an opportunity squandered.  One gets the feeling that Rob and his cast & crew were having much more fun than the viewer will have watching the film.  But even with this seemingly insurmountable fatal flaw, I would still recommend all horror fans give the film a watch.  It's just too beautiful-looking to miss.  Maybe just watch it with the sound off. . . . 

  

THE TOMB OF DRACULA {1980}

 DRACULA - SOVEREIGN OF THE DAMNED! 

As you can tell by the "TOMB OF DRACULA" logo, this takes as it's jumping-off point the classic 1970's Marvel Comics run written by Marv Wolfman and pencilled by Gene Colan.  Now, I've only read issues here and there of the classic comic book but did all the wild and wacky stuff shown in this Japanese anime-version actual come from the comic?!?!?!  I can't believe it if it did because this is bat-shit crazy (pun very much intended).  Because it's the seventies, a Satanic mass is going on and Dolores is being offered to Satan as his new bride.  When summoning Satan, the cult must've gotten the wrong number because Dracula shows up and falls in love with Dolores at first sight; whisking her away into the night.  The cult apparently text-messages Satan because he appears finally and is none too please that his bride sacrifice was . . . . um . . . . bridenapped. . . . . even if her name WAS Dolores.  We get quite a big romance story involving Dolores and Drac (which many find to be less than exciting).  Meanwhile, the vampire hunters from the comic book (Frank Drake, Rachel Van Helsing and Quincy Harker)

are hunting down the King of Vampires to put the stake in him but good.  At one point (I can't for the life of me remember why . . . ) Dracula is unvampirized and becomes human (now I think of it, it was probably Satan that hexed him).  Drac goes to New York City to get the vampire Lilith to bite him and turn him back into a vampire . . . . although she's called Layla in the English dub. 

Lilith/Layla isn't too cooperative.  Don't worry, Drac doesn't stay human for too long.  Oh yeah, at also at some point Dracula becomes a mugger and steals a guys wallet

so that he can go to a restaurant and get himself a burger (Yum Yum Eat 'Em Up!). 

Somewhere in all this mess, Dracula marries Dolores and they have a bouncing baby boy named Janus.    And then baby Janus gets killed.  And then buried.  And then resurrected.  And then he turns into an adult in a superhero suit. 

Who's out to get Dracula for being a naughty vampire.  And copious amounts of other crazy stuff happens.  Worth a watch simply for all the bonkers shenanigans that happen.   

COUNTDOWN TO HALLOWEEN 2022

 "Light thickens, and the crow makes wing to the rooky wood.  Good things of day begin to droop and drowsel; While night's black agents to their preys do rouse."

  We here at the Land of Cerpts and Honey rouse ourselves from our coffins once again to the arrival of October and the new Countdown to Halloween.  Now in my third decade of doing these (Wow!), I'm pretty much going to keep things in the same (jugular) vein:  reporting on a spooky movie a day throughout the month of October.  I invite you to stop on by with your trick-or-treat bags open and I'll drop in a movie review for Halloween viewing.  Hope to see your gruesome masked faces all month long.

It is said that the Spirits of buried men

Oft come to this wicked world again;

That the churchyard turf is often trod

By the unlaid tenants of tomb and sod.

That the midnight sea itself is swept

By those who have long beneath it slept.

And they say of this old, mossy wood

Whose hoary trunks have for ages stood

That every knoll and dim-lit glade

Is haunted at night by its restless Shade.

                                                                                        -- Isaac McLellan

                                                                                            From the Haunted Wood

Harry Clarke

Arthur Rackham

Edmund Dulac

Gustave Dore

Joseph Anton Koch

Virgil Finlay

 HARKEN.  THIS IS YOUR DOORWAY TO THE ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE OF THE 2022 COUNTDOWN TO HALLOWEEN!

Tomorrow morn the calendar will turn to the month of October which will signal our embarkation into this blog's Jekyllian transformation into THE LAND OF CREEPS AND HORROR.  Although that's not too much of a transformation from what this blog is like all the REST of the year . . .

. . . so here's your frightening invite to come back around tomorrow for the beginning of the Countdown to Halloween Hijinks.  I know, I know, some of you fiends are just chomping at the bat . . . . er I mean BIT . . . to get into the Halloween month but ghoul . . . er YOU'LL just have to wait until tomorrow.  While you're waiting, maybe you should play a game or two of DOORWAYS TO HORROR; that 1980's video game I know you all must have.

What?!?!?!  You mean to say you don't have that game?!?!?!  Well, then . . . you MUST have the NIGHTMARE VHS board game, then.

 But remember . . . . if you wanna play that game you have to bring the Ollllllllllllllllllllllld one!

So, hope to see you here tomorrow for the kickoff of the 2022 Countdown to Halloween.  Don't be square!  All the best creeps will be there!

September 2022 Top 10 List

 HERE ARE MY FAVOURITE MOVIES I WATCHED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SEPTEMBER 2022.

1. THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE  (1969)
2. FILM STARS DON'T DIE IN LIVERPOOL  (2017)
3. TEA WITH THE DAMES  (2018)  aka NOTHING LIKE A DAME
4. LAKE OF THE DEAD  (1958)
5. ALL ABOUT EVIL  (2010)
6. THE BOB'S BURGERS MOVIE  (2022)
7. BLOODY MUSCLE BODY BUILDER IN HELL  (1995)
8. THE GRIFTERS  (1990)
9. HICKEY & BOGGS  (1972)
10. VIRGIN WITCH  (1972)