LOVECRAFT VISITS THE NIGHT GALLERY. Well, sort of. The two stories I'll be discussing are not actual Lovecraft; merely "Lovecraftian". The first is a short joke utilizing Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos while the second is a full length episode based on a short story by one of Lovecraft's acolytes (and which actually benefitted from some editorial advice from HPL himself). While there were two "actual" Lovecraft Night Gallery episodes (COOL AIR and PICKMAN'S MODEL) they are as yet criminally unavailable on DVD some four years after the release of NIGHT GALLERY SEASON ONE. What are they waiting for?!? However, in the sole NIGHT GALLERY DVD available, we find these two fun Lovecraftian shudders.

First we have PROFESSOR PEABODY'S LAST LECTURE starring Carl Reiner as a college professor whose flippant and disrespectful attitude toward the Great Old Ones proves to be his downfall. Professor Peabody views all so-called primitive religions as silly superstition and he reserves particular ire to the cult of Cthulhu; referring to the Necronomicon as a cheap paperback and the list of Old Ones written on his chalkboard as sounding like "an Albanian vaudeville programme: Shub-Niggurath and Her Performing Cthulhus!" As his disrespect worsens, so does the weather; mighty winds and flashes of lightning accompany each slur until . . . well, the Great Old Ones finally get their revenge on the snotty professor. Of course, this is one of those "short jokey" segments that frequently finished up a Night Gallery episode when they were running short. And this one is particularly enjoyable. A nice injoke occurs as Professor Peabody calls on various students named Bloch, Derleth and Lovecraft!

Moving on to the second and more substantial episode "THE RETURN OF THE SORCEROR" starring Vincent Price and Bill Bixby. This is indeed not Lovecraft but is based on the short story by Clark Ashton Smith. As stated, H. P. Lovecraft actually gave Smith tips on the polishing of the story (HPL had been a ghost writer, after all) and encouraged him to fill in the backgrounds of the main characters as well as allowing Smith the use of his Necronomicon. Bill Bixby is perfect as the "square" translator of Arabic whom sorceror Vincent Price has hired to translate for him passages from the Necronomicon which were not translated into Latin from the original Arabic.

Vinnie has had a couple translators already; they refused to divulge what was in the "fiendish" passage and quit on the spot. Therefore Vinnie is willing to pay Bixby VERY well to translate it; he tells the bookish young man "The hours are awful but the pay is very good." Of course, being television in the early 70's no real distinction is drawn between the Necronomicon and Satanism; upside down pentacles, upside down crosses and a goat are all par for the course. Vinnie is helped by his nubile and groovy assistant witch Fern (Tisha Sterling) who is all over Bixby before he has time to put down his suitcase. The aforementioned goat, however, isn't just a goat.

At the dinner table, Vinnie introduces the goat as his late father now with us again: Falling Tower. Bixby politely nodding and saying "how do you do" to the goat is priceless (pun intended).

All through the episode we are treated to the sound of something dragging itself down the hall while Vincent casts his eyes about furtively and cringingly peers around door frames. It turns out his late brother was a more powerful sorceror so Vincent killed him and cut him up into little pieces; the head is in the closet. Bixby goes about translating the "grisly" passage but refuses to tell Vinnie what it says. Vinnie pulls a gun and says you better. Bixby does. Basically, it says that Vinnie's late brother can pull his scattered body parts together and get his revenge. It also features a preamble stating that whoever reveals this fact shall be roasted over flames and be dismembered. Guess that's why the translators quit. Guess that's ALSO why Bixby's beginning to sweat. We're treated to a quite nice shot of the pieces of Vinnie's brother (a foot and a hand) crawling around the bright crimson carpeting. As if I had to tell you, Vinnie's brother DOES pull himself together (literally) and gain his revenge while Bixby goes upstairs with Fern for a night of occult whoopee and a VERY uncertain fate.

It must be said that the direction by Jeannot Swarc is top notch for a half hour early 70's horror show and he jam packs the episode with set piece after set piece. And special mention must be made to the superb camerawork by DP Gerald Perry Finnerman who constantly provides interesting camera angles throughout. The episode looks simply sumptuous with vivid colours filling every inch of the screen (due to the fine work of Art Director Joseph Alves Jr. and set decorator Sal Blydenburgh). The interior of the sorceror's house features bright red walls and carpets as well as purple accents and lighting in out of the way places. There is also a wonderful preponderous of creepy ground fog. INDOORS!!!! And you might well notice in that same hallway with the ground fog we also see some candle-holders on the walls which owe a great deal to LA BELLE ET LA BETTE. As for the cast, they just can't be beat. Vincent Price is Vincent Price and they got their money's worth; however, Price's performance holds back from the hamminess he sometimes delights in. I can honestly say that Price never has his tongue in his cheek for this half hour. The Prince of Menace does read juicy lines like nobody else; one particularly enjoyable moment occurs when Vincent eyes a glass of wine with a grin and exclaims with relish: "What a glorious bloody colour!" Bixby, as I've said, give the perfect performance as the jittery, uptight and self-admittedly "square" translator while Tisha Sterling portrays the underlying sorcerous strength of her character while masquerading as a mere assistant. A fun bit of horror hokum that's splendidly enjoyable. Now, if only those cretins would release the second DVD set of NIGHT GALLERY!!!