After watching Barbara Stanwyck in the new Criterion DVD of THE FURIES, someone needs to explain to me why exactly there isn't a Barbara Stanwyck action figure?!?!?!? I mean, come on. That would be great. It would come with detachable ankle bracelet, dark shades and blonde wig (for when she was using her secret identity of Phyllis Dietrichson). Other accessories include Mr. Bullard's power of attorney and small pieces of bread (to break with your Mexican childhood beau Juan). And instead of kung fu grip, the Barbara Stanwyck action figure would feature a string which, when pulled, causes her to emote an emotionally charged, partly-hysterical speech. Also included would be a feature (also to be found in the Richard Widmark action figure) for knocking her mean old aunt down a flight of stairs. Milksop/mealy-mouthed ineffectual husband doll (Kirk Douglas action figure) not included. The Barbara Stanwyck action figure is guaranteed to kick hell outta any Bratz of your choice.