JUST WANTED TO MARK THE PASSING OF IRA LEVIN WHO WROTE ONE OF THE BEST WRITTEN SPOOKY BOOKS: ROSEMARY'S BABY. The novel was a great read and here's a picture of the book jacket of the first edition I'm lucky enough to own. "Rosemary's Baby" was what I guess you'd call quite a page turner. And the movie version by Roman Polanski has got to be one of the most faithful film adaptation of a novel ever made; he literally filmed the book.

As if THAT novel wasn't enough, Ira Levin was also responsible for writing such novels as "A Kiss Before Dying", "The Stepford Wives", "The Boys from Brazil", "Sliver" and the plays "No Time For Sergeants" and another fave of mine "Deathtrap". Gotta love the film version of "Deathtrap" starring Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve and Dyan Cannon. R.I.P. Ira Levin.

ERRONEOUS CONCERNS OF SUICIDE. Due to the recent post on Finky's blog (which some people mistakenly mistook as a suicidal poem ), I thought I'd put up something that is also not suicidal but will probably be misconstrued as being so. I was just listening to this song. I love this song. It's very possibly my favourite Crash Test Dummies song. It is also one of the songs (along with John Doan's "Farewell" and a couple others) which I would wish to be played at my own funeral. Of course, since I'm the rottenest one out of EVERYONE I know and the rotten ones hang around forever, I'll probably be doomed to bury you all while I live to 110 -- and therefore there won't be anybody around to see that these songs are played for me. So, because of this near certainty, I'll just put the lyrics here so you'll all know what you're going to miss.

AT MY FUNERAL

"I'm still young but I know my days are numbered,

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and so on,

but a time will come when these numbers have all ended,

and all I've ever seen will be forgotten.

Won't you come to my funeral when my days are done? Life's not long so I hope when I am finally dead and gone that you'll gather round when I am lowered into the ground. When my coffin is sealed and I'm safely six feet under perhaps my friends will see fit then to judge me. Ah, when they pause to consider all my blunders Hope they won't be too quick to begrudge me. Won't you come to my funeral when my days are done? Life's not long so I hope that when I am finally dead and gone you'll gather round as I am lowered into the ground. If I should die before I wake up I pray that the Lord my soul will take but my body my body that's your job. Well, I can't be sure where I'm headed after death to heaven, hell or 'yond to that great vast but if I can I would like to meet my maker there's one or two things I'd sure like to ask. Won't you come to my funeral when my days are done? Life's not long so I hope when I am finally dead and gone you'll gather round as I am lowered into the ground."

A LAND OF CERPTS AND HONEY TRUISM. In the interest of the public health and to keep my readers informed, I just wanted to let you know that -- for those of us who like Journey -- we have been infected with Steve Perrytonitis. But don't try to cure us -- it's futile!

GRAB YOUR SOCKS AND PULL, CHEEKIES (and that shouldn't be too hard since you wear tube socks up to your thighs) -- because today is Letitia Dean's 40th birthday. Yes, that's right. Your little Sharon. 40 big ones. Why, it seems like only yesterday when she was a sweet young thing with too much mousse who slept with both Mitchell brothers. Ahhhh, memories. Now, if we could only find out what happened to Disa. . .

WORDS TO LIVE BY. Here is the quote of the day from that sage Squidward:

"Oh why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery!?!"

SO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THE WORLD IS IN SUCH A MESS? Look no further; I will clear this all up for you now in the first of (I hope) endless rants. Here is just an introductory list of the modern ills which ruin our planet every day and which are driving us into another Dark Age:

1) In the winter, the heat is cranked up too high at every public building and workplace. For instance, somebody just had the heat set to 85. 85?!? 80 degrees is 80 degrees; it's the same temperature no matter what time of year it is. Therefore, when you're complaining about it being too hot in the summertime when your office is 80 degrees then WHY is the heat kept at 80 degrees in the wintertime. It doesn't matter how cold it is outside -- 80 degrees is too hot for the inside of a building summer OR winter. And 85 is just plain silly.

2) There is no such thing as "Halloween lights". There are "Christmas lights" and always have been (they were in the manger at Bethlehem I swear it) but changing the bulbs in a string of Christmas lights to orange DOES NOT make Halloween lights. It is merely another desperate attempt to force us to spend MORE money on something which doesn't exist. There are many Halloween decorations; a string of lights has never been one of them.

3)And speaking of Christmas lights: Christmas lights are colorful. They are NOT white. A string of white Christmas lights is a dastardly Yuppie invention from the 80's and NEVER existed before that. And they are ugly. Desperately ugly. A string of Christmas lights should have pretty colors. What you have with white Yuppie Christmas lights is one thing: a string of BARE BULBS. When you have a light at home with a bare bulb you PUT A LAMPSHADE OVER IT. There's a reason for that. It's because it looks HARSH AND UGLY.

4) Back to Halloween again: candy corn is orange and yellow NOT PINK AND LAVENDER. When did this additional mercenary plot begin which tries to make us buy something which ALSO doesn't exist??? You know, the pastel coloured "candy corn" which now appears around Easter? There's no such thing as "Easter candy corn". Aren't there enough candies in existence without foisting this non-candy on us?!? Someone must please explain to me where the "corn connection" to Easter occurs. Candy corn has always been an Autumn thing for Halloween/Thanksgiving. Easter has chocolate bunnies and Cadbury eggs. Don't let me catch you buying "Easter candy corn"! Oh, and by the way -- there's no such thing as red & green candy corn for Christmas either.

5) There is never ever EVER a time when steak should have sauce on it. UNLESS you are trying to cover up a lousy piece of steak. In that case, what are you eating it for in the first place? Throw it out. You shouldn't be eating that crap. Steak does not require sauce; when you eat a steak you should be eating a steak. You cannot TASTE the steak if it is smothered in goop. This also goes for "steak sauce". Eat a handful of raisins if you want but DON'T ruin a steak by putting A-1 on it for God's sake. It's almost sacriligious. And so are any creamy, frou-frou sauces. Do yourself a favour -- get a GOOD steak or don't eat steak at all. A good steak needs nothing on it but your teeth. I'm also VERY dubious about seasonings, rubs, etc.on a steak -- I frown on that as well -- but I might let you slide with that IF I'm in a gracious mood. But basically putting ANYTHING on a good steak shows a retarded palette. Don't. Just don't.

6) And when exactly did THIS shit start???: You go order a hoagie. An Italian hoagie, an American hoagie, any kind of hoagie. It doesn't matter what kind. And you bite into it. And it has VINEGAR on it. Now, my entire life I've been getting hoagies and, until the last few years or so, I would never have to say "And please don't put any vinegar on it". Oil goes on a hoagie. Not mayonnaise. And fer pity's sakes not vinegar. Now, I love vinegar. I drink salad dressing out of the bottom of the bowl when I'm done a salad. But a hoagie is not a salad. And traditionally it's NEVER had vinegar and oil on it -- only oil. The only thing this accomplishes is to make the meat on the hoagie taste like it's going bad. Unfortunately, now the vinegar is automatically put on a hoagie and you have to request that they not ruin it when it shouldn't be on there in the first place. Stop the madness!

7) No means no. In most cases, you are teaching your child that no means "sure, go ahead...I won't do anything about it". The reason your kid is so badly behaved and throws endless tantrums is because you have taught the child that, when you say no, you will quickly give in if the child screams, cries and throws a tantrum. You are just producing another obnoxious adult which the REST of us are going to have to put up with. Did you ever notice that you need to get a license to drive a car or to get married but you don't need to get one to have children. In addition, you're child DOES NOT need a cell phone, a credit card and a blackberry. What the child DOES need is a parent who doesn't allow a television, a video game and a day care center to raise it. A child needs ONE parent who does not work and stays home to raise him. The simple fact is that, like it or not, if one of the parents can't stay home and raise a child, whether it's the father OR the mother mind you, then you shouldn't have children. It's as simple as that. A child is not possession like a VCR; it is a responsibility and if you selfishly bring one into the world you owe them. You owe them big.

8) Seatbelt laws are intrusive and probably unconstitutional. The government simply should not even be involved in whether or not you choose to wear a seatbelt in your car. The wearing of a seatbelt has no safety benefit on the public at large but only for the person wearing or not wearing the seat belt. The same logic which says the government SHOULD enforce seatbelt wearing by law would also mean that the government should by law be able to forbid a fat guy from eating pork rinds. It is healthier for you to both wear seat belts and to not eat pork rinds. However, as an adult you should be the sole decider of whether or not to do these things; they affect no one else but you. This doesn't include children, of course since adults are responsible for children and should be required by law to have them in car seats and seatbelts. I'm talking about adults here. And I would also like to add that I never EVER drive without wearing a seatbelt; ask anyone who knows me. So I'm not griping because I don't want to wear them. I do and I recommend everyone wear them as well. However, if I don't want to wear a seatbelt that harms no one but myself. This is just the old problem of us not taking responsibility for our own actions anymore.

That's it this go-round. Just wait till I have EVEN MORE stuff to bitch about!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO GOT A KICK OUT OF HALLOWEEN MONTH here at the blogerooney. It seems to have gone over fairly well and I've gotten some nice written comments as well as spoken ones. As with everything, it didn't turn out exactly as I'd intended. I had hoped to include more Halloween posts other than "the movie of the day" but limitations of internet access as well as just plain time saw that idea dry up as the month wore on. There were many aspects of Halloween I wanted to mention but simply didn't get the chance. But next year, I hope to get a jump on it and start prepping earlier so I will have other aspects of the Halloween season (past and present) to dump on you. So until then, remember to keep it spooky 365. Thanks again for your kind attention.

Well folks, Halloween month is over so now it's time to head into November with it's very own monthly theme. The theme on my blog for this month is going to be flowers in all their colour and splendour. Each day we're going to feature a "flower of the day" and today's flower is the begonia!

Begonias are mad wicked and are in the flowering plant family Begoniaceae. Begonias are one of the largest species with over 1500 varieties. They flourish in tropical and subtropical regions such as South and Central America as well as Africa and south Asia.

The way to propigate most begonias is by stem cuttings and damn you mischievous trickster god Kokopelli you've been messing with my blog again. How many times have I told you to leave it alone. I'm not gonna talk about no frikkin' flowers! What, are ya kiddin' me with that mess?!?!?!?! Clear outta hear before I steal your flute!

WELL IT'S FINALLY HERE. And i decided to have a little movie marathon for Halloween. It doesn't matter which spooky movies you watch, of course, as long as you watch a lot of them. I started things off with some Halloween episodes of South Park; you know the one's -- when Scott Baio gave me pinkeye, spookyvision and the spookyfish etc. Then I followed things up with some Scooby-Doos from the first and second seasons -- you know the GOOD ones -- and I especially made sure to watch the one about the Miner Forty-Niner (Hiya Cheekies!!!) in honour of all those Halloween hayrides.

Then it was time for a couple classic Halloween short subjects: Lonesome Ghosts starring Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy as "ghostbusters". Then I put on the old Donald Duck cartoon "Trick or Treat". And finally, as extra added Halloween warmups I went to the tried and true "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" followed by "Garfield's Halloween Adventure". And to really get things going I chose the classic Disney version of "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" which is one of the best (and spookiest) animation sequences ever made!

Now for the real movies: my first choice was the first Amicus omnibus movie "Dr. Terror's House of Horrors" which my cousin got me into many many moons ago. Peter Cushing as the mysterious tarot card reader Dr. Schreck (guess what THAT means) reads each train passengers' future -- only to find none of them HAVE a future. Of course, there's Michael Gough and Christopher Lee in the old reliable "crawling hand" sequence and even an EXTREMELY young Donald Sutherland in the vampire story.

Next we go to the classic Robert Wise original "The Haunting" (the 1999 remake does not exist. Sorry) which is one of my favourite horror films of all time. Wise pays real homage to his old mentor Val Lewton with this stylish ghost story. And the acting is top notch with Julie Harris leading a great cast. The sound in this film is, of course, phenomenal and gives it a real sense of dread. Based on Shirley Jackson's classic novel "The Haunting of Hill House", the film concerns our cast of "ghost hunters" spending time in the most haunted house in the universe to determine whether or not ghosts are real.

After this, we wind things up with a similar film made a decade later: "The Legend of Hell House" adapted from Richard Matheson's novel. This film is very similar to "The Haunting" in that it also features a group of people locking themselves inside "the most haunted house in the world" to determine whether ghosts are real. However, it's much different in that, where "The Haunting" was subtle, "Legend" is in your face. Another great cast features Clive Revill (attention Clive Revill fan club!), Gayle Hunnicutt, Roddy McDowell and Pamela Franklin (the little girl from "The Innocents" now all grown up) as paranormal investigators who bite off a little more than they can chew. Granted, the ending is just a tad weak but it doesn't spoil the rest of the movie leading up to it.

So that's that. Another Halloween has come and is almost gone. But just remember, spooky movies are for watching all year round -- not just for Halloween. Because, you see, as you draw your curtains closed around midnight tonight, you MUST remember that Halloween is 365.

"THE NIGHT HE CAME HOME". Well, we're winding down to the big day. So it seems like the perfect movie to get us in the Halloween spirit is John Carpenter's classic "HALLOWEEN". Now, I've long trumpeted the fact that I hate slasher films because they're frankly boring, unimaginative, repetitive and crap (not necessarily in that order). However, we can't blame John Carpenter's "HALLOWEEN" for that. Sure, this film spawned umpteen poor imitations but that's not this film's fault. In fact, since there is practically NO blood and gore in it, I'd hesitate to call it a slasher film at all. It is, in fact, a masterful horror film which only looks better with age.

I've heard tell that the recent Rob Zombie remake wasn't all that spiffy. I can't say; I haven't seen it. That's somewhat disappointing since I found his "The Devil's Rejects" to be an astoundingly effective film. But either way, the original by John Carpenter is still champ. You've got little Michael offing his sister in a prologue then spending years in an asylum seemingly docile. Until one night . . . Halloween night. . . he makes his mistake and returns to his good ole hometown of Haddonfield to go on a spree. I love love LOVE the early daylight parts of the film where was catch glimpses of "The Shape": over there behind the shrubs, out in front of the school, is that HIM in that car?!? The film builds up the suspense and feeling of dread perfectly. Jamie Lee Curtis, of course, is the archetypal "final girl" and is wonderful in the film as well; even though she does a couple STUPID things. . .WHY OH WHY do you keep dropping the knife, kiddo?!? I know I know -- it was in the script, that's why. And as for that music -- perfection in every way.

All those dreadful, dreary 80's slasher films that followed Carpenter's "Halloween" failed to understand what it was that made THAT film a classic. It's a well-written script, skillful direction, believeable performances and an attention to atmosphere which rolls up into one spectacular horror movie. And the cherry on top??? It takes place on Halloween!

WACKY PACK OF THE DAY:

"A LONG LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY, GOD SAID 'LET THERE BE LIPS'! AND THERE WERE. AND THEY WERE GOOD." My choice for Halloween movie today is (naturally) "THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW". Now, everybody knows it so I'm not about to give any sort of plot recap here. Suffice it to say, the first I ever heard about it was when a friend of mine in high school went to see it, bought the soundtrack tape and was playing it all the time. Now, not having seen it, I didn't know what the hell was going on -- but the songs were catchy.

Fast forward a couple years later when Cheekies and I decided. . .well, we'd been virgins long enough and it was about high time we toddled along to see what the hell this thing was all about. So off we went to the movie theatre in the Echelon Mall for the midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"! We were all a-flutter. Gee, is the movie theatre still there in the Echelon Mall?!? Is the Echelon MALL still there?!?!?! Anyway, we paid for our tickets and we takes our chances. Now, being an historian at the time, I was somewhat remiss in not having made ANY attempt to research what we were in store for. So, our strategy and plan of attack was to just quietly sneak into the back row and keep a low profile during the film so we could scope out what to do when and why. Naturally, we had no idea that, during the opening CREDITS the entire audience would yell "FUCK THE BACK ROW!!!" But, this was all part of our trial by fire (and water pistol).

Well, after that first night of cherry-busting we (and some other friends) made NUMEROUS forays over at the Frankenstein place. It was always a lot of fun watching one of our virgin friends experience the movie theatre experience for the first time. Needless to say, it's not the same just watching it on TV or DVD; the whole event of audience participation makes the film.

HOWEVER. . .Cheekies and I will have the same fun (almost) of watching his Lady Love see it for the first time soon. Almost -- because we're not going to watch it in the theatre but in his abode. BUT! We ARE going to yell the appropriate things at the screen (if our failing memories can dredge them up) and throw the appropriate articles (I'd hate to have to clean up the apartment afterwards -- Oh, Bummmmmmmmmmblerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...)

Oh. . .

And don't dream it. Be it.

"HAVE A POTATO." It goes along with today's Halloweenie film: 1932's "THE OLD DARK HOUSE". While this is not the first "old dark house" movie (the genre goes waaaaaaaaay back to the silent films and before on the legitimate stage with "The Bat" and "The Cat and the Canary" etc.), this film is certainly the one that gave the genre it's name. And for good reason. Director James Whale, after first filming Frankenstein for Universal, has a field day with this one. And it looks forward to the high camp humour which he would utilize for "The Bride of Frankenstein" a couple years later.

A group of people find themselves stranded in a storm at the old dark house of the Femm family. The group includes Melvyn Douglas, Raymond Massey, Gloria Stuart (yes, from Titanic) and Charles Laughton. The Femm Family is a wacky bunch featuring the amazingly camp Ernest Thesiger and their butler: the mute brute Boris Karloff. Thesiger is a hoot all through the movie. For instance, at one point he comes along a vase of flowers and says offhandedly: "My sister was on the point of arranging these flowers." He then takes them and tosses them into the fire. This wickedly funny spook fest is Halloween to a tee. . .and a very nice touch is the fact that the DVD is fortunate enough to have a commentary track by Gloria Stuart herself; not many 30's films on DVD can boast that!

"EVEN A MAN WHO IS PURE AT HEART AND SAYS HIS PRAYERS BY NIGHT..." will want to put aside a little time for a great Halloween movie: Universal's 1941 "THE WOLF MAN". After Universal's monster heyday in the 30's, Lon Chaney Jr.'s Wolf Man was the first monster to rival (and be put on the same level as) Dracula, The Frankenstein Monster and The Mummy. Sure, there was the 1935 "Werewolf of London" starring Henry Hull but that never really caught on. It wasn't until 1941 and the second horror boom the Universal (and Curt Siodmak) produced another in the pantheon of Universal monsters. And unlike all the other monsters, no one else EVER played The Wolf Man besides Lon Chaney Jr.

The story of Larry Talbot probably has a good deal to do with the Wolf Man's popularity. The monster itself is indeed a triumph of Jack Pierce's makeup talents but, before we ever see the monster, we see Lawrence Talbot; and he's so gosh darn likeable that we soon get in his corner and stay there throughout the rest of the film (and the string of movies to come). Talbot's older brother has died tragically and Larry returns home to his estranged father Claude Rains. He soon falls for Evelyn Ankers (Larry, you peeping tom, you) and all seems to be smooth sailing. Until they go to that carnival. And that werewolf Bela (Lugosi, natch). Larry kills the werewolf (and it's interesting to note that Bela the werewolf is seen in complete wolf form as opposed to Larry's later "wolf MAN") and he then becomes infected with lycanthropy. Bela's mother (the marvelous Maria Ouspenskaya) takes Larry under her wing (even though he DID kill her son) and Larry's hirsute tribulations begin in earnest.

Talk about a cast: Lon Chaney Jr, Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi, Evelyn Ankers, Ralph Bellamy, Maria Ouspenskaya, Warren William (Philo Vance himself) and Universal stalward Patric Knowles. This movie shines with star power more than a full moon. And as for that poem. . .well, which version. Throughout the Universal Wolf Man series, there were two versions of the poem:

"Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayer by night

May become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms

and the Autumn moon is bright"

or

"Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night

may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms

and the moon is full and bright"

Pick whichever version you like; they were both written (as was the entire Wolf Man mythology) wholecloth by Curt Siodmak. That's probably the nicest thing about the movie; it seems like an old folk tale when really it was completely dreamed up by a modern movie screenwriter. But anyway you bite it, "The Wolf Man" makes one hell of a Halloween movie! It's a freakin' classic!