Wednesday, May 07, 2008

IT CAN'T BE! IS IT REALLY?!? It's something of an anniversary of sorts around here because, against all that is holy, this is the 500th post in The Land of Cerpts and Honey. And naturally I couldn't let this non-event pass without noting it. Since the tail end of 2005 I've been blogging on here in what Weaverman's buddy Tariq calls the equivalent of written masturbation. Well, guilty as charged. And I've done it 500 times already! I don't know about the actually masturbation thing but I'm sure this internet equivalent will surely make me blind!
  • "Remember Belgium? And the Brussels museum? Well, we piled on the front steps like stray cavaliers. Our code of living meant little to others..."
I swear I haven't felt this much of a sense of accomplishment since I was declared Anti-Pope (see photo if you don't believe I was crowned Pope Hilarius II ... yes, there HAD already been a Pope Hilarius I). It wasn't my idea, believe me. But the smoke doesn't lie. And you KNOW this must be something of a special occasion around here because this is the first time (and hopefully the LAST time) I've ever posted my sorry image on this blog. But to think all this inane writing started with my first never-ending novel: "WELL, PIN A ROSE ON YOU", continued with "FISH EYES" (the first issue of the legendary Rustler Newsletter and spilled over into the award-winning nihilistic short story "OUR TIME IN HELL". And now this. Sorry, guys. If Al Gore really DID invent the internet, blame him!
  • "But that's OK. There's treasure children always seek to find. And just like us, you must have had a once upon a time."
So, in the spirit of silliness for silliness' sake, I wanted to take a moment to mark this rather "anniversaire douteux" by thanking all my loyal (and certifiable) readers for sitting through this spontaneous round of indifference. I can only promise that I will strive to continue in this completely superfluous vein until the heavens fall or I make enough money to hire some other poor schlub to ghost write it all for me. Again a sincere thank you for reading and sticking with me along the way.
  • "To Flicker And To Fade...on this the longest day..."


Cheekies said...

Congrats on 500 do I hear 1000? And why is this the first time I am seeing the pic of you dressed as your holiness? Or is that unholiness?

Cerpts said...

Ah yes, well...

This is an old picture. It was taken when I worked at the Hellmouth (obviously) the morning when that OTHER Pope (you know, the Nazi one) was elected. Unfortunately, my co-workers were not satisfied with their choice and decided to elect me rival pope (you know, like back in the good old days of the 11th and 12th centuries. . .the Great Western Schism and all that). Well, they decided to bring back the tradition.

My election was confirmed when a group of co-workers went out on their smoke breaks and saw white smoke. They came in and informed me that I had been elected. With great humility and a free caramel iced coffee drink, I was prepared to take up the mitre. All of the regalia you see me wearing was not made by me but by my flock. Oh, except it was my idea to rubberband the "Buddy Christ" to the top of my staff (2x4, actually) and I took the name of Pope Hilarius II. And yes, there WAS a Pope Hilarius I from the years 461 to 468; I hope to reign longer, of course, but he was made a Saint so I'll have a lot of work to do to make his "hilarity". Is that that proper term for "to be like Hilarius"?!?!???

Cerpts said...

Oh, but I didn't answer your REAL question as to why you never saw the picture before.

Sorry, church duties took up all of my attention there for a moment.

Well, you never saw it because I didn't have it until recently. As you can tell by the blurry, foggy quality of the picture it was taken by someone on a cell phone. I only was emailed the photo last year and I never had a use for it until now. Pax Nabisco!

Fink Master Flash said...

i took the picture right before me and kevin got into a shouting match. something about his herpes flaring up, if i recall correctly.

Weaverman said...

Truly awesome, your Holiness! If I can keep going that long and still be sober...sorry, I mean sane...I will be more than pleased. The vestments are a bit on the sad side compared to mine. Is that meant to be a thurible or a handbag ? Congratulations and jubilations!

Cerpts said...

Yes, things are a bit threadbare on the Antipope side of things. We don't get all that money for the gold candlesticks that the "competition" gets.

Thurible?!? THURIBLE?!?!? That wasn't covered in the Pontiff handbook. Wait a minute -- nope, it must be a handbag. Nope -- again wait a minute -- there's smoke coming out of it. Well, that STILL could mean it's a handbag!