
-- Rudyard Kipling

-- Rudyard Kipling
1. GOOD TIMES (Season 2) "The Dinner Party": Is the meat loaf made by the Evans' elderly neighbour REALLY made out of dog food?
2. GOOD TIMES (Season 3) "Florida's Protest": The meat Florida buys at her local triflin' supermarket appears to be off!
3. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 2): "Edith's Accident": Edith dents a car with a can of Cling Peaches (in heavy syrup!)
4. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 4): "Archie Eats and Runs": Edith makes a beef and mushroom stew and possibly gives Archie food poisoning"
5. ALL IN THE FAMILY (Season 1): "The First & Last Supper": The Jeffersons invite the Bunkers to dinner...and Archie doesn't want to go.
6. SOUTH PARK: "Scott Tenerman Must Die": This episode climaxes with Cartman's EXTRA SPECIAL recipe for chili.
7. THE HONEYMOONERS: "A Dog's Life": Ralph wants to market "Kranmar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer"; trouble is, it's dog food.
8. TO THE MANOR BORN: "Episode 17": Audrey goes into production with her "Bee-eater's Honey"
9. THE GOOD NEIGHBORS: "Just My Bill": The Goods try to sell their surplus fruits and vegetables....and nobody's buying.
10. FUTURAMA: "The Problem with Popplers": Those popplers are crunchy & delicious...and sadly still alive.
11. FUTURAMA: "The 30% Iron Chef": Bender decides to become a chef and enter a cooking contest.
12. TWO'S COMPANY: "The Take-Over Bid": A married butler/cook team bet they can prepare a better dinner than Robert...and steal his job.
13. FAWLTY TOWERS: "Gourmet Night": Basil decides to host a gourmet dinner night at the hotel
14. M*A*S*H*: "Adam's Rib": Hawkeye has an obsessive craving for barbecue ribs & decides to place a takeout order to Korea
15. ARE YOU BEING SERVED?: "Anything You Can Do": The staff bets they can run the store cafeteria better
16. THE DUCHESS OF DUKE STREET: "A Matter of Honor": A desperate friend of Louisa's begs her to prepare a lavish dinner for friends
17. MURPHY BROWN: "My Dinner with Einstein": Murphy agrees to have dinner with a nerdy scientist
18. THE BOB NEWHART SHOW: "Over the River & Through the Woods aka Moo Goo Gai Pan": A drunken Thanksgiving ordering Chinese food
19. KATE & ALLIE: "The Family Business": Allie goes into the cake baking business
20. KATE & ALLIE: "Kate & Allie Lobster": Kate & Allie attempt to boil some lobsters
21. RISING DAMP: "Food Glorious Food": Rigsby bets he can go without food for 3 days
22. MARY TYLER MOORE: "The Dinner Party": Mary invites a congresswoman to a disastrous dinner party
23. ALL IN THE FAMILY: "No Smoking": Another bet...that Archie can't quit smoking and Meathead can't quit eating
24. THE BOONDOCKS: "The Itis": Granddad opens the only soul food restaurant in Woodcrest...and destroys the town's health.
Anyone care to nominate their own food-focused TV show episode??? I'm gonna go get a snack...
THE WALT WHITMAN THEATER on Westfield Avenue in Pennsauken was a beautiful old movie theater that opened in 1927. It was designed in what is called the "Spanish-Moorish" style and was one of those old-time "movie palaces" which were so big in the Depression. One of the men who built it was my great-grandfather; he also built the log cabin homes in Medford Lakes as well as the frozen custard stand in Maple Shade (for all you pop art fans of utilitarian buildings). How often I used to walk by the theatre with my grandmother as a kid (on the way to Thor's drug store); my grandparents lived only a few blocks away at 42nd & Westfield Avenue. I do recall that Moe Howard of the Three Stooges made a personal appearance at the Walt Whitman in the early 70's (not long before his death). It was also one of those OLD theaters that had a Wurlitzer organ. The theater was the first in the Camden area to show "talking pictures". As a kid, I also remember the big hub-bub when that new film "The Exorcist" was playing there. I was, of course, much too young to go see such a scary movie but, as a nascent horror movie fan who watched Dr. Shock every Saturday afternoon, my young mind was intrigued.
In 1978, a small electrical fire closed the theater and the license, which came up again in 1979, was not renewed. Around 1981, the venerable old theater was finally torn down so that the town could put up a parking lot. Ah, progress. I hear tell now there is a Walgreen's on the site. Very sad. The theater closed too early for the classic cinema preservationists to save it. But I'll always remember that huge building (which took up the whole block) and the art deco old-fashioned interior. The picture shown here is from around 1965.

THE BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER! Thus spake Ern of the new Kevin Smith movie: Clerks 2. And you know what. He's right. It's a hoot and a holler, children. Take the whole family. Especially for the bestiality scene.

But no kiddin' . . . Kevin Smith has redeemed himself after "Jersey Girl" (which, though not QUITE as bad as everyone said it was, STILL pretty much sucked donkey). Clerks 2, on the other hand, is hilarious; and I was prepared for it to be a dog. The movie is actually funny (which is quite a feat for a comedy) while still managing to sneak in some rather poignant moments which avoid becoming saccharine. All in all, I'd say Mr. Smith can continue to make movies as long as he wants; that is, until "Jersey Girl 2" comes out.

STRANGE DOOR (1951), THE BLACK CASTLE (1952), THE CLIMAX (1944) & TOWER OF LONDON (1939)),
THE INNER SANCTUM MYSTERIES COLLECTION starring LON CHANEY JR. (featuring CALLING DR. DEATH (1943) PILLOW OF DEATH (1945) DEAD MAN'S EYES (1944) WEIRD WOMAN (1944) THE FROZEN GHOST (1945) STRANGE CONFESSION (1945)
WELCOME TO NIGHT FLIGHT! With those words, USA Cable Network ushered in one of the most unique (and sorely missed) television programs on TV. Night Flight was a frequent companion to me in the 80's on late night television. In the words of the "Night Flight Memorial Journal", Night Flight was a "half-televised, half-hallucinated masterwork of television finery" that aired starting at 11PM Friday and Saturday nights all through the 80's (1981-1988 to be exactamundo). The show showed a delirious mix of music videos, odd movies (such as "Reefer Madness" or "Fantastic Planet"), old 50's atomic bomb movies, cartoons, interviews, vintage commercials (like the old game "Mystery Date") and anything else that seemed to take the fancy of obviously addled programmers.
The very lateness of the hour combined with the often surreal and off-the-wall choices of subject matter were a perfect combination for viewers either trying to fight insomnia or returning drunken from a wild Saturday night; Night Flight was the perfect way to veg out in front of the TV in your PJ's. Sadly, such an eclectic show could never survive on TV today (and, in fact, has not). Does anyone else remember this bizarre slice of TV history? I'm not sure exactly when I first started watching Night Flight but it was VERY early 80's. The first time I saw the truly bizarre animated 1973 French sci-fi film "Fantastic Planet"
or the rock film "Breaking Glass" was on Night Flight. A particular favourite, J-Men Forever,
was a film by Firesign Theater's Phil Proctor and Peter Bergman which took 30's serial cliffhangers and re-edited/re-dubbed them (a la "What's Up, Tiger Lily") to make a wacky stoner movie. Here was also the first place I saw that famous B&W blooper of Porky Pig hitting his thumb with a hammer and stuttering "Son of a b-b-b-b-bitch!" Night Flight would also mix up disparate things in one evening's broadcast: Kate Bush's 1979 concert film "Live at the Hammersmith Odeon"
could be followed by an old Fleischer Studios "Superman" cartoon from the 30's followed by a short film of the Church of the Sub-Genius
followed by Laurie Anderson's 8 minute "O Superman" video followed by an interview with Frank Zappa followed by a collection of "Duck and Cover" 50's PSAs followed by Cat Stevens' animated short film for his song "Moonshadow" followed by a chapter of the old Buster Crabbe "Flash Gordon" serial followed by the silent Melies' film "A Trip to the Moon" followed by.... well, I think you get the picture. The show was 2-4 hours in length and would be immediately repeated when it finished (to take you right thru the night). It's really a tragedy that TV in this day and age is so non-adventurous as to prohibit such an interesting show any airtime whatsoever. The thing that jogged my memory about Night Flight was finding it discussed on the Jump the Shark website where the general consensus is that the show never jumped. I also hear tell that the son of Night Flight's creator is trying to launch DVD's of the show; that would be a nice surprise and a treasure to we bloodshot-eyed night zombies who soared along through the night along with that Night Flight logo (and the seductive disembodied voice of announcer Pat Prescott seen below)
in those dim, daffy nights of the 1980's: when it was still OK for TV to be experimental, unexpected and out of the mainstream. *Sigh*
1) Bette Davis - Now, Voyager
2) Katharine Hepburn - On Golden Pond
3) Mia Farrow - Rosemary's Baby
4) Barbra Streisand - On A Clear Day You Can See Forever
5) Joan Crawford - The Women
6) Thelma Ritter - All About Eve
7) Bette Davis - Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?
8) Carol Burnett - The Four Seasons
9) Anne Bancroft - Fatso
10) Maria Ouspenskaya - The Wolf Man
11) Lauren Bacall - The Big Sleep
12) Diane Keaton - The Godfather Part 2
13) Pam Grier - Coffy
14) Lillian Gish - Night of the Hunter
15) Isabel Sanford - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
16) Katharine Hepburn - The Philadelphia Story
17) Rosalind Russell - His Girl Friday
18) Barbara Stanwyck - Double Indemnity
19) Shirley MacLaine - The Apartment
20) Ruth Gordon - Harold and Maude

Here he's sailing his little boat. . .but not really; it's just a chalk drawing. He employs a technique in his 3-D drawings in which the drawing appears distorted unless you look at it from a certain angle; then it looks freakin' 3-dimensional!!! Here's an example:
this picture of the nice lady in the swimming pool looks like Julian is actually dipping his toes in the pool (keep in mind that both of his feet are actually touching the pavement). Now, here's the same drawing from the opposite angle;
that huge pink long thang (watch it, you pervs) is her leg. Coolness! Here comes Spider-Man to the rescue where it looks like Julian is balancing on a stack of Jenga bricks!
And down there is a really incredible Batman and Robin in which Julian looks like he's actually perched up on a ledge of a building looking down at the caped crusaders! 



THE SECOND "CERPTS & HONEY" MOVIE QUIZ!!!! Well, it's here once again. Your chance to guess what movie the quote is from; only this time it's a little different. As Richard Cheese sang in his cover of Nirvana's "Rape Me": "This one goes out to all the ladies!" Yes, these movie quotes are 100% female; spoken by some of the greatest actresses to grace the silver screen. I know, I know, you'll probably be looking for such fine leading ladies as Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears and Katie Holmes but I wanted quotes that contained words of more than one syllable. So .... here they are. Can you be the first on your block to guess them all? What actress said it and in what movie??? Simply leave your answers in my comments.
1. "Oh, Jerry, don't lets ask for the moon. We have the stars."
2. "It's me, you old poop!"
3. "This is no dream! This is really happening!"
4. "MY NAME IS MELINDA!"
5. "And by the way, there's a name for you ladies; but it isn't used in high society . . . outside of a kennel!"
6. "What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end."
7. "But you ARE, Blanche! You ARE in that chair!"
8. "Is this the fun part? Are we having fun yet?"
9. "You ate the ONY!!!!"
10. "The way you walked was thorny through no fault of your own."
11. "I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free."
12. "It was a son, Michael! A son! And I had it killed because this must all end!"
13. "This is the end of your rotten life, you motherfuckin' dope pusher!"
14. "Get your state troopers out here. I got somethin' trapped in my barn."
15. "Civil rights is one thing. This here is something else!"
16. "Oh, we're going to talk about me again, are we? Goody."
17. "I wouldn't cover the burning of Rome for you if they were just lighting it up!"
18. "There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour."
19. "I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery."
20. "You know, at one time I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing ... oh my, how the world still dearly loves a cage."
1) Monty Python's Flying Circus -- The winner and still champion! Nothing has ever bettered it! Inspired by radio's Goon Show, Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones and Michael Palin blazed the TV trail for British humour as we know it today.
2) Fawlty Towers -- Absolutely brilliant. John Cleese opted to end the series after only 12 episodes but he left us with a comedy masterpiece that reigns as the greatest British sitcom in history!
3) The Good Life -- The "warm and fuzzy" sitcom about a couple who leave the rat race to become self-sufficient. Some might sniff at the high ranking but I find the charm of stars Richard Briers, Felicity Kendal (sigh), Penelope Keith and Paul Eddington combined with genuinely funny situations to be a winning combination. Shown in America as "The Good Neighbors".
4) The Young Ones -- Anarchic punk comedy at it's finest. Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan & Alexei Sayle produced a hit comedy for the MTV generation. And then annihilated it!
5) The Benny Hill Show -- All too often dismissed as low-brow and politically incorrect (both of which ARE true), Benny Hill was also extremely clever and witty. All that is remembered is his ogling women and running around but that was only a small part of his repertoire. He also wrote hundreds of witty (Yes, I said witty) sketches, poems and songs that still hold up as extremely funny. If you don't believe me, you just weren't watching. Benny Hill single-handedly built Thames Television and was a clown/comedian in the classic tradition. I'm really tired of people putting him down. So there!
6) Solo -- After "The Good Life", Felicity Kendal starred in this superb sitcom about a woman who loses her job AND her boyfriend just as she turns 30. Brilliantly written by Carla Lane (who also wrote "Butterflies"), this series was limited to 12 episodes but was memorable nonetheless.
7) Father Ted -- Insane series about a trio of Irish priests who are so inept that they are relegated to the remote, inhospitable Craggy Island. Laugh-out-loud hilarious!
8) Red Dwarf -- The oddest of Britcoms: a science-fiction comedy. This usually unfunny genre works brilliantly (at least until the lackluster final season misstep) as the last human left alive travels thru space with a creature evolved from his cat, a hologram of a dead crewmate and a neurotic android.
9) The Goodies -- this surreal "hippiesque" comedy starred Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden & Bill Oddie in what has rightly been described as a live-action Warner Brothers cartoon in which anything can happen: including a gargantuan-sized cat attacking London in the aptly-titled episode "Kitten Kong"
10) Two's Company -- Elaine Stritch stars as American author Dorothy McNabb who, while living in London, hires a "veddy British" butler played by Donald Sinden. The constant clash of personalities is priceless as America vs England in a no-holds-barred prizefight of a Britcom.
11) Are You Being Served? -- one of those "gently funny" Britcoms I usually don't like but this one has a charm that I can't explain. Not brilliant by any means (in fact usually quite dumb) but I like it. Go fig.
12) Not the 9 O'Clock News -- Hilarious sketch comedy show which featured a very young Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys-Jones poking fun at news programs and life in general. Sort of the British "Saturday Night Live".
13) Absolutely Fabulous -- Patsy and Edina! Brilliant in it's first couple years (but losing some steam in later seasons), this huge hit actually deserved to be so popular. Created by Jennifer Saunders & Dawn French and featuring the showstopping performance of Joanna Lumley.
14) Black Books -- I've only seen the first season of this show (co-created by the creator of Father Ted) but I loved it. Having of late worked in a bookstore myself, I can SO relate! Bernard Black is my new hero.
15) Mr Bean -- This Chaplinesque comedy played mostly silently by Rowan Atkinson is actually quite funny. Black Adder is OK but I prefer Bean.
16) Coupling -- The first two seasons were brilliant. Often called the British "Friends", it's so much more than that. Haven't seen the later ones so I'm basing this on the first two. But WHAT a couple of seasons!!!
17) To the Manor Born -- After "The Good Life", Penelope Keith starred in this "quietly funny" comedy which is also not brilliant by any means but enjoyable nonetheless. Keith plays the lady of the manor who, after the death of her husband, loses the estate to a supermarket magnate. Romantic comedy ensues.
18) Butterflies -- Another extremely well-written Carla Lane series that finds Wendy Craig starring as a bored, neglected housewife who finds the opportunity to have an affair tantalizingly close. Will she or won't she?
19) French and Saunders -- Often hilarious sketch comedy. My personal favourite episode is the one with Alison Moyet.
20) Thompson -- Surprisingly hilarious sketch comedy by future Oscar-winner Emma Thompson.
21) Open All Hours -- Ronnie Barker (of The Two Ronnies) stars as a crotchety small store owner.
22) Yes, Minister -- Very witty depiction of political life in Britain starring Paul Eddington (fresh from "The Good Life") and Sir Nigel Hawthorne.
23) Kelly Monteith -- The oddest thing: an American comedian no one in America has heard of becomes successful in England and gets his own very funny sketch comedy TV show. I particularly remember a hilarious sketch about an airplane trip.
24) Desmond's -- The most successful and best all-black British sitcom is set in a barbershop owned by Jamaican immigrant Desmond Ambrose (Norman Beaton); this show has been described as a sort-of British Cheers. Years ago, BET aired this series in America.
25) The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin -- Leonard Rossiter stars as a sales executive who has something of a nervous breakdown and tries to fake his own death and drop out of the rat race of the business world. Wryly funny!