Wednesday, June 04, 2008

THIS IS FROM ONE OF THOSE EMAILS EVERYBODY SENDS AROUND TO EACH OTHER. Now, usually I don't even read them but this one was so hilarious (and true) that I thought I'd put the damn thing up here. That way YOU won't be getting another useless joke email and I will be able to pretend like I wrote it. So here goes: the diary entries of a dog and a cat. The dog and cat are here played by kind permission of my good friends Bumbler (The Nuclear Puggle) and Frodo (the gas guzzling cat). They are only playing the "parts" of the dog and cat and all opinions are not necessarily shared by Bumbler and Frodo esquires.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary :
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" :
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the "power of allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...For now...

6 comments:

Cheekies said...

Hey! I got three words for ya: Copywrite infringement ... dude.

Cerpts said...

Yeah yeah yeah...

shall we discuss your unauthorized theft of my "watch i've been watching lately" feature??? Or the dangerously close to plagiarism try at The Five Songs??? But hey, at least I didn't write the same thing in BLUE!!!

Cerpts said...

And also, this ain't for profit so youse iz outta luck, babe!

Cerpts said...

But you'd just better WATCH yourself or I'll go ahead and post that photo of you drinking around the world. . .

Cerpts said...

Or better yet ... you in THE RACE CAR SHORTS!!!!

Cheekies said...

No sir I don't like it!