Monday, September 07, 2009

MUSICAL ROTTEN APPLES. SO HERE'S THE SCENARIO: THERE'S A MUSICAL ARTIST WHOSE ENTIRE OUTPUT YOU PRETTY MUCH LIKE. BUT THERE'S THIS ONE SONG THEY DO WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE SEEMS TO LOVE AND YOU CAN'T STAND!!! In other words, there's one song that is a particular blot on a musician's body of work and you seem to be the only one who hates it. Otherwise, the rest of their songs are good. Now, this can't be that you like a few of their songs and there's one song you hate; no, it has to be an artist whose songs you practically like completely and totally. . .but there's this ONE SONG that you hate and most other people seem to love and sway with bic lighters ablaze to. Now you get the picture, here's some of mine. I heartily encourage yours in the comment section. Presenting those musical rotten apples:
  • TINY DANCER by Elton John. Everyone who knows me knows that basically I love Sir Reg's entire output. But this damn song (made even more popular by that damn movie) is torture. I mean, could the music in the chorus be ANY MORE REPETITIVE? It's the same note's over and over: "hold me closer tiny dancer/count the headlights on the highway/lay me down in sheets of linen..." I mean, what, did Bruce Springsteen write that music, fer chrissakes?!?!?! The words Bernie wrote are good but they deserved better music put to them.
  • MOONDANCE by Van Morrison. I like most of his other stuff but here's another song that I find extremely annoying; maybe it's the faux jazz vibe or the endlessly repetitive, circling melody which basically reminds me of a toilet flushing. I just find the melody uninspiring.
  • THE JEAN GENIE by David Bowie. While I can't REALLY say I hate thing song, it's certainly the one Bowie song I will always skip over. It's basically a nothing of a song that's carried solely by a (momentarily) catchy guitar riff which quickly loses it's interest about 10 seconds in. Similar to a certain Queen song I will get to momentarily.
  • ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST by Queen. Well, here we are, as promised. Another song which is solely a bass line with a non-melody slapped on top of it. It takes more than that to hold my interest in a song.
  • RUBY TUESDAY by The Rolling Stones. Never a huge Stones fan but I like most of their stuff (with the obvious exception of their geriatric recent output which nobody in their right mind would like). Hum the chorus. Go ahead. Not much there, right. I only feel vindicated in the fact that Mick Jagger hates the song as well.
  • I CAN'T HELP MYSELF (SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH) by The Four Tops. This one probably gets on my last nerve because it's been seriously overplayed for DECADES now. As soon as I hear the beginning notes start, I leap for the skip button. If I never hear this song again, it'll be too soon!
  • RAIN ON YOUR PARADE by Duffy. We all know I love Duffy and she won Penguin Awards last year for both album and song of the year. However, this obviously rushed out single is terrible.
  • TAXI by Harry Chapin. Arguably his most famous song, the one people ooh and ahh over as some sort of masterpiece. Just because it's long don't make it an epic masterpiece, people. It annoys the living hell outta me.
  • MONDAY MONDAY by The Mamas & the Papas. I must be zoning in on something because this song is ALSO not liked by the members of the Mamas & the Papas. They've expressed disappointment that their first number one song was such a bad one.
  • THE JOKER by The Steve Miller Band. As soon as ole Steve begins singing this, there's always a big whoop from the audience. There's a big groan from me. It truly baffles me why this became such a monster hit since there's very little going on in it, not much melody to speak of and nothing much to hold my interest for the duration of the song.
  • FINGERTIPS PT. 1 by Stevie Wonder. This was the first single that broke Little Stevie Wonder at Motown, the one that got everyone's attention, the one that started all the genius talk. He would later (quite soon) prove he was a genius but not here. It's not a song, folks. There's no song here. It's just Stevie demonstrating his playing ability. It's more like an audition for a band looking for a new member. So he was very young and very talented on many musical instruments. Without a song to go with it, it's just joikin' off.
  • PROUD MARY by Tina Turner. Another "show stopper" whenever Tina breaks into it at a concert. I truly HATE this song -- no matter WHO does it. I only assigned it to Tina because I don't like CCR in the first place and it's such an eagerly-anticipated part of Tina Turner's live shows.

Well, that's a pretty good list for now. I'm sure there are others but these are the main ones that popped into my head and plagued me throughout my entire life! As stated before, if there are similar songs which a favourite artist of yours has perpetrated on YOUR ears, let me know in the comments below.

7 comments:

Weaverman said...

The Four Tops? Never! Love that song!

I can think of a few candidte off the top of my head. Glady Knight's version of Kristofferson's HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT makes me physically want to vomit. Bob Dylan's ALL THE WILD HORSES and His Bobness's version of Kristofferson's THEY KILLED HIM which proved that Bob could make something truly awful from something that was just bad to start with. Elvis's OLD MACDONALD'S FARM, Neil Sedaka's classical album ("Mozart's music has just been waiting for my lyrics"...I'd like to include Celine Dion but she doesn't qualify as I hate everything by her. Likewise Michael Bolton whose version of "Nessum Dorma" caused my partner and I to take the tape into the garden and execute it with a brick. But those two are easy targets. I'll try and think of more examples by people I like.

Weaverman said...

I meat of course meant. Ah, shit, you figure it out. Dixlexia rools!

Weaverman said...

CANDIDATE. CANDIDATE.

Cerpts said...

Ah I love all the rest of the Four Tops but not that one song.

Love Gladys but I've never heard her do THAT song. And I'm not much of an Elvis fan which is why I didn't have him on my list -- however POLK SALAD ANNIE makes me want to run screaming from the room. Ditto on Celine Dijon. But A MILLION MILLION THANKS for destroying ANYTHING by Michael "The Antichrist" Bolton.

Weaverman said...

POLK SALAD ANNIE was okay when Tony Joe White did it - there was a great video of him doing it (the song I mean - don't get excited!)with Johnny Cash on YOUTUBE. A girl I know used to swar that Michael Bolton was the "Lost Chppendale" and reckoned that he fell out of the shopping trolley when Mama Chippendale took his to buy baby food. He guested on one of Dame Edna's tv chat shows a few years back and he proudly handed Edna a copy of his new CD. Edna asked him "Is it good?" to which the delusional man replied "Yes". Edna dropped it straight in the bin with the comment "I'm so pleased. Now I don't have to play it to find out." The look on MB's face was priceless.

Weaverman said...

I see I'm still being dixlexic.

Cerpts said...

I would give ANYTHING to see Dame Edna dropping that cd in the bin!!!