CERPTS THAT LIVE EVEN FARTHER IN THE PAST -- SO FAR THAT THE DINOSAURS WERE WEARING HUGGIES. OK, direct from the Twilight Zone are some pictures of me -- jeez, talk about the ghost of Christmas Past -- the first picture is of me and my first little girlfriend. I was 6 and she was 5. And yes, we did live in Stepford. I briefly toyed with the idea of putting one of those black bars across our eyes (or at least hers since my face has been in every post office from here to Hoboken) but I figured screw it -- she went and married a plumber so the hell with 'er! Please note the 70's wood panelling and mustard-coloured drapes. Also note that practically every ornament you see on that tree can be seen this very moment on my Christmas tree. Hey, isn't that that strange billiard game Don Adams advertised???

The second picture is of me the same day (it appears) in the same shirt and I seem to be very excited to get a red bike. Actually, I don't remember getting this bike at all. I remember getting a blue bike when I was older but not this one. Perhaps I in fact stole it from another child. That would explain my obvious glee. Oh and yes, my mother was Jackie Kennedy. And please note it looks like I'm ALMOST wearing Chuckies! Probably some cheap knockoffs available in the shade of the maple. These pictures were obviously taken with non-digital cameras of the early 70's so the 3 sixes on my scalp aren't visible.