SCAMP'S CHRISTMAS QUOTES: Now these don't have anything to do with Christmas -- in fact, they don't have anything to do with anything. They're just quotes. And that's the way I like it.

"I've had a Carrie's prom night with extra pig's blood kind of day."

-- Lisa Ann Walter

Life's Work

"There can be no greater danger to one laboring to reach a higher spiritual and moral plane than the feeling that he has achieved it."

-- Adin Steinsaltz

"She hath done wondrous naughty."

-- Francis I, King of France

on Katherine Howard c. 1541

"To be called 'deliciously demented' by people who really know their dementias is high praise indeed."

-- Bruce Kimmel

"Life is just a sucker's dream

and death is a disgrace,

So come on down you Saucer Men

and take me off to space."

-- Rev. Ivan Stang

"Freud was an unhealthy influence on America. I think people take themselves too seriously."

-- Katharine Hepburn

"He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed."

-- David Frost

"A man who limits his interests limits his life."

-- Vincent Price

"You're so ugly you hurt my feelings!"

-- Moms Mabley

"It is the happy heart that breaks."

-- Sara Teasdale

"If all the politicians in the world were laid end to end they would still be lying."

-- Fred Allen

"If all the girls in attendance (at the Yale prom) were laid end to end I wouldn't be surprised."

-- Dorothy Parker

"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."

-- Fran Lebowitz

"(Mathematics is) the last refuge of the feeble-minded."

-- John Dickson Carr

"Axiom: no matter how good looking she is, someone, somewhere, is sick of her shit."

-- Martin Wagner

"Why don't you get a toupee with some brains in it?"

-- Moe Howard

"If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?"

-- George Carlin

"(Music is my) consolation for living."

-- Clifford Curzon

"How many observe Christ's birthday! How few his precepts!"

--Benjamin Franklin