THE MONSTERS BILL OF RIGHTS

OUR COUNTDOWN TO HALLOWEEN BRINGS YOU THIS TIMELY DOCUMENT ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE MONSTER TIMES AND WRITTEN BY DON FIOTO.

 

We, the Monsters, Creatures, Mad Scientists and Evil Beings of the world, being a minority, and being of otherwise sound minds and bodies, do hereby ordain and establish this Bill of Rights for all of the "grotesque" ones.

 

1. All monsters have the right to equal time from press and media.
2. All monsters have the right to run for political office.
3. No monster should be discriminated against on the basis of race, creed, nationality, planet of origin, size or shape.
4. All monsters have the right to demand numerous sequels to their first movies.
5. All monsters have the right to demand better wardrobes for their films.
6. All monsters have the right to gather in public places.
7. All monsters have the right to plug their films, photos, comics, etc. at all conventions.
8. The night of the full moon and Halloween should be declared international holidays.
9. Transylvania and Tokyo should be declared the dual capitals of the world.
10. All monsters have the right to stomp Tokyo, climb the Empire State Building or smash London Bridge, if they so desire.
11. All monsters have the right to clutch and/or threaten beautiful girls in their hands (paws, claws)
12. All monsters can slurp their bowls of blood at meals.
13. All monsters have the right to demand an Aurora model kit be designed in their likenesses.
14. All monsters have the right to one haunted house, one book of black arts and one evil assistant, if they so desire.
15. All monsters have the right to possess E.C. Comics, autographs of Godzilla or photos of Seymour and the Creep, if they so desire.
16. Monsters have the right to picket and protest against super-heroes, do-gooders and monster slayers.
17. All monsters may take wives or husbands.
18. All monsters have the right to bear offspring.
19. No monster should be made the butt of cruel or inhuman jokes.
20. All monsters have the right to breathe fire, give off radiation, ooze slime, control your mind, bend your will, possess your body and eat onions.
21. All monsters have the right to tell their stories to "The Monster Times".